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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

351 replies

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 22/08/2023 13:25

This is why I haven't got my children passports yet! To stop the in-laws attempting to take them away to their home country!

Namechange62846 · 22/08/2023 13:26

Be very very careful going forwards. I'd be concerned they'd be a flight risk. Not sure of the legalities or how you can flag it to the authorities but I would not be handing my child to my ex in these circumstances.

ABeesWings · 22/08/2023 13:26

She sounds very manipulative. No way would a parent allow this to happen, so you are 100% not unreasonable for saying no. Children at that age change so much in 1-3 months and they need their mother.

If your baby has a passport I would make sure you know where it is at all times.

MintJulia · 22/08/2023 13:27

Make sure that passport is locked away at your mum's house where none of your MIL's family can access it. And keep repeating 'No, absolutely not!'

And if your dh is stupid enough to try to support her, tell him bluntly that it a deal-breaker and likely to result in divorce.

Just No.

Mindymomo · 22/08/2023 13:27

No way, I had a lovely MIL but there’s no way she would have taken my DS away from me. I really hope you have passport for child and have hidden it or give it to someone reliable friend or relative, same as birth certificate.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/08/2023 13:27

Aria2015 · 22/08/2023 13:25

This is why I haven't got my children passports yet! To stop the in-laws attempting to take them away to their home country!

Surely you do need to get passports so they can't apply for them on the sly? Get them then lock them away somewhere very safe.

WeWereInParis · 22/08/2023 13:27

Aria2015 · 22/08/2023 13:25

This is why I haven't got my children passports yet! To stop the in-laws attempting to take them away to their home country!

In this case though, where OP is no longer with her baby's father, it would be better for her to apply for a passport for the baby, not mention it, and hide it. Otherwise her ex could apply for it.

AmazingSnakeHead · 22/08/2023 13:28

The fact that this is your ex mil is extremely alarming. Make sure you get a passport and lock it away. You do not want your ex H disappearing for a month with her!

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2023 13:29

I would not allow this woman to have ANY unsupervised access to my child. Ever. And that supervision would be done by me. I would also hide your daughter's passport. There is something very, very wrong and sinister about this woman.

Aylestone · 22/08/2023 13:29

Is she mental? Your child is still a baby. They’re going to think you’ve abandoned them. They’ll end up with all kinds of attachment disorders being taken from their mother for that long!

AmazingSnakeHead · 22/08/2023 13:29

I wouldn't let my own mother take my children away for a month, even if they were 12.

Original poster
diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:30

@WeWereInParis I do already have a passport for DD and have just returned form a two week holiday with her which has further fuelled the "hogging the baby" argument

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 22/08/2023 13:30

😅😅😅😅😅 Thats laughable.

Hide the passports and tell her to jog on

Serendipitoushedgehog · 22/08/2023 13:31

Nope.

WasThereAnotherTroyforHertoBurn · 22/08/2023 13:31

Posting at speed.

You need to channel that MN phrase, No and then if you get any kickback you say I said No and No is a complete sentence.

Mum198000 · 22/08/2023 13:33

I would consider not letting her have any unsupervised by you contact. What does your ex think? Is there a risk of kidnap to another country and not being returned?

Original poster
diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:33

Just want to add, in her culture, it's very normal for grandparents to have their grandchildren for extended periods of time. She left her son (my ex) with his grandmother from age 6 to 12 while she came here and studied to be a nurse so I don't think she's intentionally being crazy, but needs to respect my decision that it's a no!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 22/08/2023 13:33

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

Where's the passport?

If there isn't one, get one.

What did your ex have to say?

CecilyP · 22/08/2023 13:33

There is no ‘hogging’ involved. It’s completely normal for a baby to spend every day with its mum. You can even go on holiday together if you can afford it.

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2023 13:34

Aria2015 · 22/08/2023 13:25

This is why I haven't got my children passports yet! To stop the in-laws attempting to take them away to their home country!

Be careful

You don't want someone else trying to obtain them

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/08/2023 13:35

Hogging "the" baby?

How about "No I am hogging THE baby, I am mothing MY baby. You had your kids, she is mine"

No "ours" referring to your DH, as she is clearly about ownership so you need to establish your boundaries as Mother to the child. What is your DH reaction to this? Why isnt he stepping and telling her to back off?

EggOverEasy · 22/08/2023 13:35

YANBU. You might want to consider a prohibited steps order re:travel depending on how high you think the risk is

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/08/2023 13:35

"No I am NOT hogging..."

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2023 13:35

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:30

@WeWereInParis I do already have a passport for DD and have just returned form a two week holiday with her which has further fuelled the "hogging the baby" argument

So what does her son say?

viques · 22/08/2023 13:36

Suggest she doesn’t visit for the next three months or so so the child doesnt develop an unhealthy dependent relationship with her . And gets used to her not being around for when the old bat pops her clogs

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