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Original poster

Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

351 replies

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

OP posts:
GrassWillBeGreener · 22/08/2023 13:36

I can't think of a better way to create an attachment problem than allowing such a thing at that age!

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/08/2023 13:36

Sorry, I see that she is the ex MIL.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 22/08/2023 13:36

That's hilarious! But also get your DD a passport and make sure MIL never gets anywhere near it.

GreyRockChick · 22/08/2023 13:36

It's a solid NO from me. WTF is she thinking??

tt9 · 22/08/2023 13:36

erm... yes of course she is right . at 13 months I was fully independent, moved out and running my own business.

babies these days! Still clingy at 13 months! unacceptable

RoomOfRequirement · 22/08/2023 13:37

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:33

Just want to add, in her culture, it's very normal for grandparents to have their grandchildren for extended periods of time. She left her son (my ex) with his grandmother from age 6 to 12 while she came here and studied to be a nurse so I don't think she's intentionally being crazy, but needs to respect my decision that it's a no!

Just because she was a shit parent it doesn't mean you have to be! She wouldn't even have unsupervised access to my DC after this.

Anxioys · 22/08/2023 13:37

No. This woman is a nut case and the answer is no. Take away a small child from its mother for three months. Savage

ASGIRC · 22/08/2023 13:38

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2023 13:17

She’s insane. She’s also an ex in law so just stop having anything to do with her.

She is the childs grandmother! Yes, she is being unreasonable, but shes not a stranger.

AcclimDD · 22/08/2023 13:38

"No MIL that won't be happening "

CecilyP · 22/08/2023 13:38

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:33

Just want to add, in her culture, it's very normal for grandparents to have their grandchildren for extended periods of time. She left her son (my ex) with his grandmother from age 6 to 12 while she came here and studied to be a nurse so I don't think she's intentionally being crazy, but needs to respect my decision that it's a no!

Different circumstances; different times. Surely she can see that it wasn’t ideal!

AcclimDD · 22/08/2023 13:38

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:33

Just want to add, in her culture, it's very normal for grandparents to have their grandchildren for extended periods of time. She left her son (my ex) with his grandmother from age 6 to 12 while she came here and studied to be a nurse so I don't think she's intentionally being crazy, but needs to respect my decision that it's a no!

That was her choice 🤷‍♀️

Tinkerbyebye · 22/08/2023 13:38

Afraid she would now get no time with the baby

ASGIRC · 22/08/2023 13:39

Mum198000 · 22/08/2023 13:33

I would consider not letting her have any unsupervised by you contact. What does your ex think? Is there a risk of kidnap to another country and not being returned?

Its very hard to take kids abroad without proper parental authorisation, so Id say the risk is minimal.

And shes not a criminal, she has different views.

But yeah, 3 months is completely ridiculous!

MariaVT65 · 22/08/2023 13:39

Obv we all know this is utter utter bollocks. But I think definitely listen to all the PPs - HIDE THE PASSPORT

And also yeah, maybe restrict further time with said crazy lady

Snowpatrolling · 22/08/2023 13:39

You can ring the passport office and tell them you have concerns that the child’s passport maybe falsely reported as stolen and a new one applied for, they will put a note on the system to ring the person who applied and paid for the child’s passport before anything is cancelled. I done this incase my batshit ex tried anything!!

AcclimDD · 22/08/2023 13:42

@Aria2015
You do realise that your DC other parent can apply for a passport independently of you? (Assuming they're named on the birth certificate / have PR).

This thread is giving me palpitations 😱

TomatoSandwiches · 22/08/2023 13:42

I'd still be laughing at someone if they said that to me.

user1471538283 · 22/08/2023 13:44

Of course your little one is "clingy", she is a baby. More importantly, she is YOUR baby.

One or three months is madness! My DF used to spend a few hours at a time with my DS at that age!

EmpressaurusOfCats · 22/08/2023 13:44

viques · 22/08/2023 13:36

Suggest she doesn’t visit for the next three months or so so the child doesnt develop an unhealthy dependent relationship with her . And gets used to her not being around for when the old bat pops her clogs

When the old bat pops her clogs?

FFS, I know the ex-MILs being totally unreasonable but do you have to?

Besides, if she’s grandmother to a 13-month-old she could be in her 40s.

Youwho2 · 22/08/2023 13:44

The baby's is meant to be clingy at 1. Your MIL chose to leave her baby for 6 years. That was her choice. This is your baby and she doesn't get a choice.

SummerInSun · 22/08/2023 13:46

Agree with all PP re passport. Keep it under lock and key and hidden.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/08/2023 13:46

You just need to say "well in my culture, we don't condone estrangement from the parent so that will not be happening" (I'm guessing that you're not from the same cultural background? Even if you were, you could say that it's not going to happen, stop asking.

truthhurts23 · 22/08/2023 13:48

hell no

toomuchlaundry · 22/08/2023 13:48

@RoomOfRequirement it’s certainly not something I would ever consider but there are cultures where extended family take on the parenting role whilst the actual parents work, sometimes in other countries. Parenting seems to skip a generation, so in that culture it wouldn’t be seen as shit parenting but the norm. My MIL worked with a lady from the Philippines. Her children remained in the Philippines with her mum whilst she worked in England. Once her children had children she moved back home to look after them

roarrfeckingroar · 22/08/2023 13:50

Pahahahahhaha FUCK NO