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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

351 replies

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

OP posts:
Owl55 · 24/08/2023 09:28

I would def say NO but I would be concerned that she had no intention of bringing her back again , as someone wrote previously apply for a passport yourself before she or ex applies for one . I’d be wary of allowing her any unsupervised time with baby .

JacquiG2 · 24/08/2023 09:30

@Angrybirdsnomore Good. I read 6 pages of the 13 page thread and saw no mention of this possibility. While I am very pleased it is not a likely action that would be taken, in the wake of the little girl left for dead while her family abscond to a country where it is part of the culture for some, best for those who don't read 13 pages of a thread to be aware.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 24/08/2023 09:31

You understandably don't want to send your DD off without you, but maybe when she's older, you could offer to travel to the Caribbean with her (for a few weeks), so she gets a chance to visit her grandma/ extended family and learn more about that side of her heritage?
And in the meantime, your ex MIL can restrict her helpful energies to putting pressure on her son to make some maintenance payments!

elfies · 24/08/2023 09:35

Please safeguard your baby by getting an official document , refusing your ex, or his parents and family any permissions to take her out of the country . It sounds very suspicious .

Irridescantshimmmer · 24/08/2023 09:52

Omg.

That could traumatise your child.

I'm glad you are aware this demand is wayyyyyyyy out of order, especially as your DD is so young.

Its cruel.......Both to your young child and to you.

Don't let her manipulate you, give her just simple one word closed answers such as NO, everytime she asks so she can't wriggle out of it.

Some people don't engage their brains before they fire their mouths off, she needs to think of the effect her demands have on others.

SewingStatue · 24/08/2023 10:18

I would advice you to not let the child out of your sight and seek professional advice (legal or talk to the police) to safeguard as it sounds your in laws may have the intention to not give you your child back.. once abroad..

pphammer · 24/08/2023 10:36

Hahahaha what a joke that ex-MIL is!

MadMadaMim · 24/08/2023 11:26

FUCK NO!

Not even a week at that age!

Grrrrdarling · 24/08/2023 11:34

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

You are entitled to ‘hog’ the baby all you want she is your child not MIL’s!
Tell MIL that if she doesn’t like the current arrangement she has options that don’t involve taking YOUR 13month old child away from you for an extended length of time!
As for being clingy most kids go through this phase & taking the child away will just make it worse not better & never mind how traumatic it would be for the child!
Stability in the 1st 3 to 5 yrs are so important for a developing child’s emotional state & that is a proven fact!!

Stick to your guns.
You are not being unreasonable at all!!!

BeeBeaufort · 24/08/2023 11:37

OMG! Absolutely not!

Greensleeves · 24/08/2023 11:41

That is so completely out to lunch, I don't think I would even go to the toilet and leave them alone together from now on. She's nuttier than squirrel shit Shock

Grandmadh · 24/08/2023 12:46

that was my first thought too…..

terrimom · 24/08/2023 17:27

@Flipflipmania Yes, sadly my son is only allowed to see his daughter once a month. His soon to be ex-wife moved about 6/7 hours away and he was told by his lawyer could not force her to live closer or force her to allow additional parenting time(!). For the first year, she rarely allowed visitation at all as he was (ill)advised to try to use a mediator as first steps to divorce. Worst advice/mistake ever! My ex husband and myself live about 5 minutes away from our grandchild and are not allowed to see my granddaughter at all, except during my son's visitation time. This only happens once or twice a year for us. The whole situation is horribly sad and heartbreaking. Watching what was once a strong, healthy bond between my granddaughter and her father, my son, be slowly and cruelly destroyed by her mother tears me apart every single day. Parental alienation is real and the worst form of child abuse.

BlackberryCrumbs · 25/08/2023 00:12

Parental alienation is real and the worst form of child abuse

It may be real but it's far from the worst form of child abuse fgs. Keep some perspective.

wowthatsharsh · 25/08/2023 00:19

To those concerned about FGM ...

This can literally take place in minutes.

You don't need to take a child abroad for this!

YourWinter · 25/08/2023 08:50

Absolutely NOT. The woman is mad to even think it, let alone expect you to agree. Even a week away without you is totally unreasonable at that age. MIL has had her time as a parent and needs to back off now - be there for help and support that YOU want and appreciate, not on her terms.

GoodGollyMissMolly7 · 27/08/2023 17:07

It is totally developmentally appropriate for a 13 month old child to be clingy, they are developing object permanence, and they will eventually grow out of this clingy stage. No way should you agree to MIL demand, not that you were considering it.

VeraMay · 27/08/2023 21:29

Never in a month of Sundays. I would never let a child of mine to go away with someone else, no matter who it is, especially not overseas.

Tla86 · 12/02/2024 22:38

Your MIL is clearly out of her mind to think you would be okay with that.
Also, most baby's do go through a clingy stage and that is absolutely normal. What isn't normal is someone separating that child from her Mother who is her main source of comfort and traumatising her for 3 months.
Do not leave that child alone with her she sounds like a lunatic.

Viewsaremyown · 12/02/2024 23:00

No way. Trust your instincts. Reduce contact.

BMW6 · 12/02/2024 23:36

OP last posted in August 2023.........

MintJulia · 13/02/2024 01:20

@terrimom You never know what goes on in a marriage. There must be a reason why your ex-dil wants to move 6 hours away. Perhaps to have the support of her own family, now she is divorced.

If a court has stipulated that your son can only see his child once a month, there must be a good reason. If the court hasn't made that stipulation, then your son needs to go to court and gain more access. It is on him. And if he sees his dc once a month, why do you only see them once a year?

It sounds to me like you are swallowing the 'crazy ex' story.

Finally, the child is her child, not yours, and her need to create a happy secure home for her child is more important than a relationship with dgps.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 28/03/2024 09:25

She's having a laugh. NOT A SINGLE CHANCE!!!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2024 11:09

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

GillianCarole · 23/04/2024 19:28

I might be overthinking, but the comment about 'home country' made me wonder where MIL is from, thinking of the cases of children being taken abroad for a 'holiday' & not being allowed to return home, or worse, being subjected to medical procedures that are illegal here. I agree that it is not acceptable for a one year old to be separated from the mother for even one month, let alone three! And she's supposed to be clinging to her mum at that age - it would be strange if she wasn't.