Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

351 replies

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

OP posts:
declutteringmymind · 23/08/2023 19:11

Ha ha no

Yujismum · 23/08/2023 19:12

I’m a psychotherapist OP and apart from what may or may not be the intentions of MIL, this is not good for your baby’s mental health.

toxic44 · 23/08/2023 19:14

No way. I'd be worried my child wouldn't be coming back. Can you ensure the baby's father can't tootle off with the child? I couldn't and wouldn't trust them after that request.

IncreasinglyGrumpy · 23/08/2023 19:14

I'm assuming as she's ex MIL you already have had some separation and so has your little one so its not being clingy at all - what a ridiculous woman - you do what's right for you and your baby

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 23/08/2023 19:15

Err… No… Rinse and repeat. Grandmother has no rights over your child at all! My SS12 wanted to go on holiday with us last year and get upset because he missed his mum, it was a learning curve for us all. We are now gently working with mum so he can get used to a bit more time away from her each time to get him to where he wants to be as he wants to go abroad and mum doesn’t fly…. This will take a couple of years of us extending time and even then we will probs take a friend so he has company, which is what his mum has also suggested. No way with a small child of this age!

Honestwife · 23/08/2023 19:22

Some MIL are just on another planet when it comes to grandchildren. They come out with these ideas that appear exciting to them as they missed out doing it with their own children.

it’s great to hear that you will still maintain the relationship with her so that she can see her grandchildren and have not allowed this to ruin things between you both.

Buffs · 23/08/2023 19:29

Omg absolutely no way are you being unreasonable.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/08/2023 19:35

since I'm the one with DD's passport, there's no risk of her taking her out the country

OP is there any possibility she could get a second passport, does / could they apply for DD to have dual nationality?

Ywudu · 23/08/2023 19:40

I was just coming on to mention duel citizenship. You need to check with the embassy for the country that he cannot apply for a passport from his home country.

Tjjd2023 · 23/08/2023 19:43

No way would I accept that. 3 days would even be too long away from mum!

CantFindMyMarbles · 23/08/2023 19:44

Absolutely not! What a crazy MIL

Reigateforever · 23/08/2023 19:45

It may be normal for those mothers who have no choice to leave their children for years at a time for life’s necessities, food, but it is not in our society.
DD is only a 13 months old and a month is a very long time for her. She won’t understand even though it could be explained to her many times a day, she will suffer a sense of loss and maybe trust in you.
No is no.

Keeper11 · 23/08/2023 19:47

Like RedToothBrush I would seriously question the motives.
And after this request I would be loathe to let the baby go anywhere with this woman. To take a 13 month away from their Mum for a month, would be traumatic for the baby and that’s before the poor little mite has to cope with total strangers, different food, cultures, temperatures etc etc. Absolutely no way!

FreddieMercurysCat · 23/08/2023 19:49

EX MIL can fuck the fuckity fuck right off.

Madmeerkat · 23/08/2023 19:50

If she managed to take her away “on holiday” there’s a chance you may never see your daughter again. It wouldn’t be the first time a family member has abducted a child and wouldn’t be the last… I’d be very careful

Friendshipissue · 23/08/2023 19:52

No. How can a mum even offer that. Are your child's documents in a safe place?

Dunnoburt · 23/08/2023 19:54

No no no!!!!

Bambiwithlonglegs · 23/08/2023 19:55

Def no! she may not bring baby back. Also why would she want to? Alarm bells would def be going off in my head!
Be carful

Bambiwithlonglegs · 23/08/2023 19:56

Sorry careful.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/08/2023 19:59

People saying they bet ex-MIL wouldn't have let someone take her own child abroad need to read all the OP's posts...

Juststopamoment · 23/08/2023 19:59

Absolutely not. Tell your husband to say no to her.

Dillane · 23/08/2023 20:02

Bonbon21 · 22/08/2023 13:18

If you dont already have one..get a passport for your baby and keep it well hidden.
She is bonkers.. you take a little one to the park to get used to being away from Mummy!!!...

This

Don’t let her have your baby alone, I would be very concerned about her motives.

Cariadm · 23/08/2023 20:08

This shouldn't even be a serious question!! The suggestion is so preposterous I don't know where to start or what to say about your ex MIL's state of mind or her lack of the ability to understands where the line is as she has most DEFINITELY crossed way over it with her request!! 😱Her frankly ridiculous suggestion that the baby is 'clingy' and citing that as a reason for removing her from your care for extended periods of time is so bizarre and 'left field' it's impossible to rationalise it in any way! 🤔😡

sweetgingercat · 23/08/2023 20:16

What are your legal rights to your child in her country? My DH has a greater legal right to our DC than I do in his country, which is why they have never been registered as citizens of that country and only have British passports.

Cherrysoup · 23/08/2023 20:32

Hogging your own daughter? My, what a terrible person you are! 🤣 I can only imagine she’s got first grandchild fever, it seems to be common from what I read on here. Hopefully she’ll calm down. Possibly worth mentioning that you have no intention of even allowing overnights if she is keen to remove her for months. Crackers!

Swipe left for the next trending thread