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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

351 replies

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:14

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

OP posts:
porridgecake · 23/08/2023 18:15

The only way to stop an ex partner from getting a passport for your child is to get the passport yourself and keep it safe and secure.

catwhite1 · 23/08/2023 18:18

Your child is YOUR responsibility.

QueenPig · 23/08/2023 18:20

I’ve never let our 3.5 year old stay anywhere with anyone for even one night….I wonder how unreasonable she’d think I am 🤣

Honestly, I’m flabbergasted that she thinks this is even up for discussion 🥴

Mmhmmn · 23/08/2023 18:21

Ridiculous person and a totally abnormal, ludicrous request.

LLM21 · 23/08/2023 18:21

Anyone who even remotely thinks that mil is within her right to take your baby away in this situation is mad! Stand your ground!
Mine wouldn't be taking mine to another county never mind country!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2023 18:26

I haven't rtft just the ops posts but op I would do more than just keep the passport, I would get a court order saying they can't take her abroad. That way if they forged a passport or something like that if they tried to take her away it would get flagged up at the airport. I don't agree with all the stick you're getting on this thread. Haven't been on mn for a while and it's a shame to see people are as nasty as ever.

Bignanny30 · 23/08/2023 18:33

If your child hasn’t got a passport then make sure that you get her one straight away so that your ex or his family can’t apply for one for her. Then hide it away, where they can’t get their hands on it. The chances are that they plan to take the baby on a ‘holiday’ and not return with her. It happens so often. Good luck, keep your daughter safe.

Motherwifenursehuman · 23/08/2023 18:33

OP just wanted a rant and people are talking absolute SHIT…
Good to have told her no and like you said in her culture it’s seen as normal so I don’t think she had any bad intentions.

you’re doing an amazing job with your little one OP and carry on maintaining that relationship between nanna and little one x

amispeakingintongues · 23/08/2023 18:39

diamontee · 22/08/2023 13:30

@WeWereInParis I do already have a passport for DD and have just returned form a two week holiday with her which has further fuelled the "hogging the baby" argument

You are her mother. She can never argue that you hog your child, she's insane.

Playingintheshadow · 23/08/2023 18:41

I haven't RTFT but there are clearly some very vicious types out there attacking you in a situation like this!!

I'd tell your ex's mother to fuck right off, and when she got there, to fuck off some further. Why on earth would you allow your baby to be so far away from you for so long? Her son isn't exactly covering himself in glory either! It may be her culture but it's not ours. Hideous suggestion!

I'd honestly take legal advice on how to prevent your child being taken out of the country against your will.

indyocean · 23/08/2023 18:42

Jesus christ

she’s mad as a hatter

one night would be enough

Thirtyandflailing · 23/08/2023 18:43

Lol I’m going to guess she’s Jamaican, this seems the norm to the older people in my family. For example my grandma left her kids while she came here to also become a nurse then sent for the kids years later. It would be a no from me!

Pepsi2001 · 23/08/2023 18:43

Absolutely not, keep her away from your baby makes sure she doesn't have a passport for her. I would fear never seeing my child again !!

LaMadameCholet · 23/08/2023 18:43

YADNBU, OP. How is it possible for a mother to “hog” their own child?

AmIEnough · 23/08/2023 18:50

I wouldn’t let mine go for a week let alone 3 months!!!

Iwant2stayanon · 23/08/2023 18:51

WTAF I can’t believe you are sounding like you are agreeing with her summation. Babies are clingy with their mum as they should be at an early age, it’s natural and very normal. There is no chance I would allow that to happen unless you were invited also.

Mrsgreen100 · 23/08/2023 18:53

Wtf
this is nuts No
no and another no
thats not what a loving grandma would do

Newbie999 · 23/08/2023 19:02

absolutely no way! I would be very careful with your relationship and would not let my baby stay overnight with her, let alone consider any time away!

NalafromtheLionKing · 23/08/2023 19:03

I think it’s fine after a certain time e.g. when Hell freezes over 🤣

Seriously though, it would be a hard no from me. OTOH, you and DD may need to take one for the team and spend some time out there on the sandy beaches and in the lovely warm seas of the Caribbean (keep costs down by staying with family if they’re not too overbearing?)

Elle2018 · 23/08/2023 19:05

This is laughable- just say no, no reasons why not, they are not necessary. Then ignore any further mentions of it.

keffie12 · 23/08/2023 19:06

I'm a nana! As a nana, I can tell you that is a straight-up no. Tell her politely no, means no. Your baby, your terms.

Quite frankly, I wouldn't be letting my child out of my sight with her as a grandma. You don't know what she is capable of.

I wonder what she would say is you ask her, "If she would have done it with hers when they were little?"

Though she will probably say, "I would let the baby go." I bet she wouldn't have, though.

No means no. Enlist the support of your health visitor and your husband, who I presume supports you

keffie12 · 23/08/2023 19:07

Just seen you are separated from your husband/ex. That's an even bigger red flag of no

LaurelandHedgy · 23/08/2023 19:07

Tell her to mind her own sodding business, and back off, or she won’t be welcome.

Miffedandold · 23/08/2023 19:08

Please reassure us it’s not a country where FGM is practiced

Danielle9891 · 23/08/2023 19:10

I'd be scared she wouldn't bring your child back. It happens quite a lot and there's very little you can do about it if the other country doesn't have an agreement with the UK.

Side note, if the father is on the birth certificate then he can get her a passport.
I got my daughters passport last year and as I didn't have her father's passport number all I needed to send was my daughters birth certificate (I lost the original so just ordered another one) along with either mine or her dad's birth certificate. (Only asked for either parent). That's it, I was shocked all I had to give was her dad's address and date of birth and he had no idea I applied for it.