Not going to SIL wedding party

[Strawberry06]

Wondered what peoples thoughts were on this;

My husbands half sister is eloping to Vegas in September and they are having a 'wedding party' when they get back which is 20th October. We knew nothing about the party until we got the invite a couple of weeks ago.

We have said we won't be going due to the following reasons;

The party is some 350+ miles from where we live (husbands family live in South East, we live in the North East). It would take us longer to travel there than the duration of the event itself!

I will be 24 weeks pregnant by this point and don't really fancy the long journey at that stage.

It is also my husbands birthday and our wedding anniversary the week after and we have plans.

Our decision not to attend is being met with hostility by my husbands Mum, his half sister and his other sister as they all travelled to our wedding and think it isn't fair that we aren't doing the same. Our wedding was a whole day event, booked well in advance with enough notice. I can't help but feel she's let people know very last minute at this stage in the year when people may not have leave left and its an awful long way to travel just for a party. Had it been an all day event and we'd known in advance of course we'd have been there. Even if we'd known about the party in advance we might have planned a visit around it to make it more worthwhile.

AIBU?

I just don't understand why everyone thinks they absolutely must go. If the couple were that desperate to have family at their wedding they could have had it with them, they chose not to. They clearly weren't that bothered about family seeing them married at that point.

This. It’s their wedding, quite a big deal. You’ve had 2 months notice, most people are fit as a fiddle at 24 weeks. Really poor form not to go-they’re close family!!

As someone who doesn't live near their family I don't see the big deal. You can't always attend family events, sometimes it doesn't work well. I hate travelling and wouldn't want to do two long journeys so close together, I get it would be different if you had the time to make a proper break of it rather than a short party.

Some people here are really extreme about family weddings and see them as something you must attend no matter what. I've seen some crazy suggestions like take a tent and camp near the venue.

YABU

You make an effort for a wedding.

You will only be 6 months pregnant - travel isn't that bad at that stage. But you really can't be make the effort be arsed your DH should definitely get his arse there even if you don't go.

I think half-sister rather than sister might be relevant. If they didn't grow up as siblings because of a large age difference or non-resident parents, it could be perfectly understandable that they don't have a close relationship.

If they are close, then you should make the 700 mile round trip, but the way you're describing it I don't exactly have get warm fuzzy feelings between you all.

And let's be honest, their real wedding is happening abroad. (I don't blame them, that would be my choice too). If you marry abroad you have to understand the shindig at home doesn't have the same impact as attending an actual wedding.

So I do have sympathy in not fancying it - but the pregnancy and the 2 months notice are not valid reasons.

@Hummingbird89 But it isn't their wedding? They didn't want their family to attend that.

I bet you live near your family. I think you and DH sound rude and selfish and don’t be surprised if nobody cares much when your baby arrives. 24 weeks pregnant is laughable as an excuse and flying to bath sounds insane if you’re using your pregnancy as an excuse not to travel.

@DinnaeFashYersel and @Hummingbird89 , it's not the SIL's wedding. Her wedding is abroad. If you get married abroad, just the two of you, you have made a choice not to have your family at your wedding.

This is an after-party. Not in the same league.

My parents live just over an hour away, my sister 2.5 hours, so no not nearby.

I already took back the pregnancy excuse if you bothered to read and sitting in a car for 6/7 hours is totally different to a 45 minute flight

It's more like being invited to an evening do.

I think your response is quite miserable, sorry

This is as much of a wedding as she's having. Your MIL and SIL also want you there.

2 months is plenty of notice.

There not going to the US - they are in the north east and the wedding is the south east

The excuses are a bit wet OP, especially when you can cope with travelling for DH birthday, just look at flighting. If not just send DH on his own, he sounds so selfish.

What do you want from this thread @Strawberry06 ? Over 80% of people think YABU and yet you're not taking that on board. So what was the point of posting?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing OP, but you should have just made up an excuse if you didn't want to go.

"Oh no, terribly sorry, [imaginary friend] is getting married that day and we've already accepted the invitation."

I don't think you're being unreasonable though.

700 mile round trip in 2(?) days for an 4 hour party that it sounds like the bride (that you're not particularly close to) has been coerced in to having and didn't really want herself? I don't blame you for not wanting to go.

"Sorry MIL - it's really just too far for us to go for an evening out. If we'd known about it in advance we may have been able to tag on to DH's birthday trip, but we've just not got enough annual leave left now to make it do'able, what with baby coming and all."

I'm with you OP. Oh, I also wouldn't be visiting them if such a long journey with a newborn either.

I would do it. Life is too short.
In fact we have driven from Bath to Glasgow (6+ hours each way) to attend parties/funerals/weddings etc and driven back the following morning.

The only sticking point for me with your event is that it falls on the day most schools break up for half term.

I think the problem when you pester a person for an excuse rather than just accepting their no is that you might not like what you hear. It's not a good idea.

You don’t like your husbands family do you?

I hadn't even considered this! The roads will be hell!

Look, you don't want to and you don't have to, obviously. But some of this feels a bit like you're grabbing all kinds of superfluous excuses. They've invited you a perfectly normal amount of time ahead, if you got the invitation a couple of weeks ago in early August, and the wedding party is Oct 20th. Unless you're having a particularly complex pregnancy (and if so, total sympathy), doing that trip at 24 weeks isn't a problem. I puked my entrails up for about six months, and I was still doing a weekly international commute by plane until 36 weeks. And it sounds as if you still have enough annual leave left, otherwise you would have said so. Most wedding invitations arrive about 6-8 weeks before the wedding -- I would only expect overseas guests to get more notice.

There's a slightly mean-spirited air of 'If she'd had a proper, all-day wedding like us, we'd have groaned but stirred ourselves, but as she couldn't be bothered to have an actual wedding, just an evening party, we're not putting ourselves out.'

OP - Do you like DH’s family? - Honestly?

I'd switch up your birthday/anniversary plans, and fly down.

But then I like my family.

Half sister, not a close relationship, the family never ever apart from your wedding visit you, not the actual wedding just a few hours in a pub once they are home from their wedding. More time travelling that entertaining.

I honestly don’t get why everyone thinks you should have to go.

To those saying oh but it will strain the relationship why? Only those who are arsy about it and from what ops said they won’t care to travel when they have just had a baby to Visit that’s surely straining the relationship from their side. If they wanted op and her dh at the wedding they would be invited to the wedding. Not the grabby give us presents after party.

If you don’t think it’s unreasonable why did you ask? 🙄🙄🙄
The majority think you are 🤷🏼‍♀️