Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 21/08/2023 12:53

What’s going to happen if someone casts their eyes over a bit of blood / discharge on some cloth/plastic? You getting vapours?

Same people in the Victorian ages who fainted at the site of bare table legs or ankles on a woman probably.

Dolores87 · 21/08/2023 12:54

I am so confused as to why you have a problem with her putting things that are meant to go in the bin in the bin.

Welshgal85 · 21/08/2023 12:55

LordEmsworth · 21/08/2023 12:41

Next weekend, come home a couple hours early so she's still there. Take the bins out in front of her, while ringing a handbell and calling out UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

Bloody women, unwilling to hide the evidence that they have a vagina. Cheeky isn't strong enough for that level of brazen hussy.

😂😂😂

Fidelius · 21/08/2023 12:57

This reply has been withdrawn

The poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Cowlover89 · 21/08/2023 12:57

YABU

enchantedsquirrelwood · 21/08/2023 12:58

FeltCarrot · 21/08/2023 11:37

Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP.
And pantyliners aren’t good for the planet either.

Some of us need them. I don't think they are dreadful for the planet in the scheme of things. But I roll them up and wrap them in a sheet of loo roll before I put them in the bin. I would not dream of putting them in the bin as is - bleugh.

JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 21/08/2023 12:59

Appleofmyeye2023 · 21/08/2023 12:46

This. She’s not wrapping them first so that’ll contaminate the bin and leave deposit that will smell. The pads smell after only a day or 2 anyway.
I’d only leave in a bin if visiting and

  1. I’d wrapped in sanitary product bag or in it’s revealed wrapper
  2. the bin has a lid and says it’s for sanitary items

for what it’s worth I have a bag on back of my guest/cloakroom bathroom door with spare tie,s, some disposable bags and a little note to ask visitors to place items in bag then in the lidded bin (eg don’t flush). I don’t mimdcemptyingvth3 bin after guests, but if I found unwrapped items in there I’d certainly be telling my ds ‘s to have a bloody (ha) word with their partner to wrap items first

I know wrapping creates more landfill- but it is unhygienic even if in bin . I don’t know what is ever acceptable about having to wash some one else’s blood or urine from a waste bin , or even sluice out a wheelie bin where adults are just chucking contamined waste or food item loose - your bins must be full of maggots in summer 🤢🤯

luckily all the partners my ds have had, and all women visiting my home over last 40 years have NEVER been this inconsiderate

OP, tell your son to empty and clean bins after the visit. Be explicit and clear why- say it’s unhygienic and gross to have to dispose of someone else’s bodily fluids by hand, you stopped that when he was potty trained and you’re not doing it again. Stop emptying his bin an all- in fact make it his job to empty bins and clean them each week. Then it’s on him to get his girlfriend to be more considerate. She is clearly used to mummy at home disposing of them, and doesn’t think about it - she needs a wake up call that there are no magic elves or fairies emptying bins,

Show quote history

Why would anyone be having to wash blood out of a bin? Have you not heard of bin liners?

And what is actually going into your bathroom bin that a sanitary product would contaminate? Surely everything from a bathroom bin should just go in the bin?

Bins by their very nature are unsanitary.

PollyThePixie · 21/08/2023 12:59

JudgeAnderson · 21/08/2023 12:41

I wouldn't wrap mine in toilet paper before binning them, what a waste. DH has managed not to faint at the occassional glimpse in the bin.

That’s your husband. He’s not a stranger to you.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 21/08/2023 12:59

JudgeAnderson · 21/08/2023 12:41

I wouldn't wrap mine in toilet paper before binning them, what a waste. DH has managed not to faint at the occassional glimpse in the bin.

One extra sheet of loo roll a day!

Hardly a massive waste in either resources of £££.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 21/08/2023 13:00

They're in the bin, which is the correct place for them? You said bathroom bin has a lid, so surely you don't see them unless you're having a proper nose, and your son's bedroom bin is his problem surely? Why use a nappy bag, it's just an extra bit of plastic crap going to landfill!

cocoloco117 · 21/08/2023 13:00

I don't know how to broach it with him.

You don’t know how to broach it? How about “hey DS, if your gf puts her pads in the bin could you make sure it’s emptied afterwards please?”

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 21/08/2023 13:01

She's not being a cf for putting them in the bin but yeah it's really grim that she doesn't wrap them. If I couldn't use the packet I'd always wrap in toilet roll and bin. I'd be embarrassed to think my boyfriends mum had to look at that even if periods are a completely normal thing

Itick8outof10boxes · 21/08/2023 13:02

Roll the liner up and wrap into a sheet of loo paper, in the bin job done.
I'm a very easy going person but I don't want to see your used pany liners, condoms etc, ds could also empty his own bin it's not difficult.

followmyflow · 21/08/2023 13:05

tell your son to either ask her to wrap the used pads in tissue before putting them into the bathroom bin or for him or her to take the bathroom bin out before she leaves. the bin in his room is his business so leave that one to him. simple

Itick8outof10boxes · 21/08/2023 13:06

Not wrapping up used santi towels before going into a bin? There are some real skanks on here.

Fannyfiggs · 21/08/2023 13:08

moistclam · 21/08/2023 12:38

Also "fannybatter" - christ, the immaturity on here. They're bodily functions people, get a grip.

It's a joke, Christ, get a grip ;)

OnNaturesCourse · 21/08/2023 13:08

Cleaners are paid to clean these types of bins in public places, and provided with PPI etc.

You are not a cleaner. You shouldn't have to be cleaning the bin out under these circumstances.

Have a word with your son. His GS just probably hasn't stopped to think (which is easily done when you've always lived at home)

For reference when I am visiting people and use their loo I always wrap my liner in the wrapper (from the new liner ill be using) then a bit of loo roll before putting it in the bin. I don't want anyone having to see or have to handle that.

HoppingPavlova · 21/08/2023 13:09

I get it OP, but nothing to be done really. Oddly, DD and her friends all seem to have periods at same time, so if she has several people over, or even one or two staying overnight the toilet bin is often overflowing with lid forced up as they just seem to chuck them in without rolling them up. Invariably there are some that stick to the inside of the lid as well even though the bin is lined. I’ve gone through 3 bins now but same issue so unless I get something huge it seems to be user error. When I used pads, I would roll them and put them in the packaging from the new replacement pad and I never had this issue so I just don’t get it.

elm26 · 21/08/2023 13:13

I can't imagine being worked up about sanitary towels in a bin. I use a cup so I just empty it then wipe it round with a baby wipe that I keep on my bag or if I can reach a sink I rinse it but I've never had a problem with my friends or family putting their sanitary towels in my bathroom bin. It's there for that.

LanaL · 21/08/2023 13:16

She’s put them in the bin . That’s what you’re supposed to do . If anything , your son should be changing the bins as he is home . I guess she didn’t think about someone else seeing them as they are in the bin so personally I wouldn’t expect anyone to be inspecting the bin .
As for taking them home with her - that’s horrible. You’re a woman yourself , I’m shocked you have this kind of opinion . Periods are normal , nothing to be ashamed of. If you were at someone’s house and were on your period , surely you would just put them in the bin? You wouldn’t change the bin , or put used sanitary products in your bag to take home ?
Please don’t broach this subject with her , that would be so embarrassing for her !
Sorry OP but I think you ABU .

ImNotWorthy · 21/08/2023 13:16

If it bothers you that much, just ask DS to empty his bin and the bathroom bin before you get back.

Do you have DDs as well? Did you teach them that pantyliners should be placed in the bathroom bin used side down? Is that what I should have taught my DD, in your opinion?

Notjustabrunette · 21/08/2023 13:19

I understand that you don’t want to see it ‘sunny side up’. If it was me it would roll it and wrap in loo roll. Im guessing that because she still lives at home and doesn’t empty bins she hasn’t thought that you would see it when you empty the bin. That having a lid on the bin would conceal it enough.
I wouldn’t expect her to take the home with her, that is a bit odd.
not sure how you bring this one up, which was your question. How comfortable would you feel saying to your son “can you ask gf to wrap her sanitary towels before they go in the bin?”.

Cas112 · 21/08/2023 13:20

They are meant to go in the bin, its a completely natural bodily function. Stop being so prudish.. or is this just a way of finding a reason to not like her

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2023 13:20

@LanaL you'd just put an unwrapped used towel in the bin? Surely you'd wrap it first?

LanaL · 21/08/2023 13:20

Also does CF mean control freak ? Struggling to see how this would mean she is a control freak ?

Reading other people’s comments , sounds like they are unwrapped and if they are then that is a little different I guess - if you are having to peel them off the bin lid or anything 🤢 I always wrap in tissue and just assumed everyone did that !
Maybe you could say to your son “ I’ve put some little bags in the bathroom for her to put them in , sorry I didn’t think - that must not have been nice for her to not have any bags to put them in - can you please let her know “ that way she’s not embarrassed and you’re saying it in a nice way , she should then put them in the bags just from knowing you have gone out of your way to put them there for her

Swipe left for the next trending thread