To not let my dad know how much money it is??

[Relunctanto]

Have come into a life changing amount of money. After much thought we are going to put money away for the kids, make sure ddad is comfortable, just a sensible amount, and open a foundation with the rest and give as much away as possible to causes important to us.

We had to tell my dad because it's obvious that we have $$ as we're paying off the house, may move and I'm leaving my job to run the Foundation, and will be hiring staff etc. Plus I'd like to make sure he has a monthly income from it.

But we didn't say how much as he is an absolute blabbermouth! He can't help himself, always wants to know how much things cost, where they're from etc and tells everyone. He's an open book. Talks to everyone.

He livid that I won;t tell him the amount. Keeps making guesses, brings it up in every convo. Is irate that I told Dsis ( Because I want her to join the running of the Foundation so had to reassure her it will run for generations if managed properly and worth leaving her very good career for).

It's causing massive friction. Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

YABU - swear him to secrecy, tell him he can tell NO-ONE the amounts involved. He'll understand the importance.

YANBU - He's not going to change now, he'll let it slip then our relationship will deffo be worse off.

YANBU. You shouldn't have said anything about it since you know what he's like. Even though he doesn't know the amount, he could blab that you've got money and you could be at greater risk of burglaries or scams if the wrong people people hear.

The only reason he is so interested in knowing now is that he wants to blab it around. You're cutting him a lot of slack when you say this behaviour is "open book." I'd characterize it as "cares more about being the centre of attention and impressing people with news no one else has than respecting people's privacy."

I don't understand why you won't just draw a line. Say "we've discussed this. If you're told, you'll blab it. We'll have to end this visit/conversation if it comes up again." Then do it. Walk out. Keep doing it every time he brings it up until he learns.

🤔

Oooh.....GrabbyDaddy is back!

I bet OPs inbox is still filled daily with sob story filled DMs 2 months on.

About 500 years ago, judging by how long it's been rumbling on. Should I tell him? Answer = no. End of.

I think that pp has given good advice, just say kindly that you're worried about being besieged by individuals begging and you've decided not to disclose to anyone at all.

I just wanted to say congratulations, how absolutely wonderful for you. It sounds like you're going to manage it very wisely. I dream of that happening to me sometimes, I'd do the same as you and set up a foundation as a nationwide one-stop shop of advice, help and housing for women who have been victims of domestic abuse. And quit my horrible job! I'll
keep buying the tickets...

No, that's me.

She's not asking Mumsnet for advice on those matters, though, and has specifically mentioned that she's taken that advice from proper sources elsewhere.

"The people I know who have £100m+..."
Haha, yeah sure. Despite lacking the most basic reading comprehension you've got yourself to a position where you mix with the ultra wealthy and oh-so-casually drop it into Mumsnet threads. Fantasist alert.

No, don't tell him, and tell him why you're not telling him!

Congratulations, by the way. I like the idea of your Foundation.

Tell your dad if he keeps insisting , that you will tell him the amount but only on the condition that any money you have given him is paid back if you ever find out from others that he's told them !

@WhatapityWapiti thats the way he chooses to act.

Just seen this is a 2 month old thread 😶

If he thinks it's a million then tell him it's a million. Assuming the real figure is more.

I get why you don't want to tell him the figure but when it comes with that kind of conspicuous spending, even if it's on sensible things like you are doing, you can't pretend it isn't a lot.

Very foolish and arrogant to make such an assumption.

Just make up an amount and tell him that. It's annoying when folk are secretive.

Bad idea to tell him, it would have been better to keep him in the dark. But as you have, better to have a strategy.

I would suggest you have some kept in a trust to look after kids/grandkids basics (education and getting started in life) which will be a lump, then put the rest in the foundation. The simply indicate to your dad the amount you have put aside for the kids/grandkids. You have told him a certain amount of the truth, what is family funds.

Well a mumsnet is a UK site, so naturally people assume UK unless stated otherwise.
I would tell your father that it is very private as there could be risks to your security , his, and that of the children. Would he still tell everyone ? In which case I would tell him a much lower figure that would explain your increased income .
I am wondering if this was a lottery win (or similar) or inherited ? I think your Dad is more likely to tell people if you won the money, as that is something people get excited about, in hope it might also happen to them. If it is an inheritance then people are usually more private about it as they respect the fact it only comes from losing a family member.

So Already the OP is now getting ‘advice’ on how to spend the money on here !!! 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣

make up a number, tell him it's all accounted for and there isn't going to be any more, so if (when) he does blab to all and sundry you just keep to the same script ie it's been spent / accounted for and there isn't any more to come.

Ok dad, we'll tell you, but only if we can completely withdraw your share.

Assuming it is millions then does it really matter if it is £1m vs £20m vs £100m so just tell him.

Telling you sister and keeping it from him just sounds petty. Sounds like you are using this information as a powerful weapon against him for other issues you have with him. A way of being in control for a change.

A fine example of how extreme wealth doesn't solve lives basic problems. We need to do that from within ourselves.