Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my dad know how much money it is??

302 replies

Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 10:00

Have come into a life changing amount of money. After much thought we are going to put money away for the kids, make sure ddad is comfortable, just a sensible amount, and open a foundation with the rest and give as much away as possible to causes important to us.

We had to tell my dad because it's obvious that we have $$ as we're paying off the house, may move and I'm leaving my job to run the Foundation, and will be hiring staff etc. Plus I'd like to make sure he has a monthly income from it.

But we didn't say how much as he is an absolute blabbermouth! He can't help himself, always wants to know how much things cost, where they're from etc and tells everyone. He's an open book. Talks to everyone.

He livid that I won;t tell him the amount. Keeps making guesses, brings it up in every convo. Is irate that I told Dsis ( Because I want her to join the running of the Foundation so had to reassure her it will run for generations if managed properly and worth leaving her very good career for).

It's causing massive friction. Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

YABU - swear him to secrecy, tell him he can tell NO-ONE the amounts involved. He'll understand the importance.

YANBU - He's not going to change now, he'll let it slip then our relationship will deffo be worse off.

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 23/08/2023 16:41

MsRosley · 21/08/2023 10:37

This was my thought too.

Show quote history

This !!

PeachCastle · 24/08/2023 02:23

Haretest · 21/08/2023 10:26

I agree, I wish it was harder to open charities/foundations as the amount of money wasted on repeated infrastructure is maddening. Please consider donating it to existing charities instead so the money has more impact.

Show quote history

Vanity Project isn't it.

Why just give the money anonymously when you can open a foundation named after yourself/your cat/your relative and bask in the reflected glory of your own ego!

PeachCastle · 24/08/2023 02:42

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 21/08/2023 10:58

Yes, that was my point. I am amused by the number of posters who are ignoring the family dilemma and instead offering unsolicited and inexpert advice on the benefits and drawbacks of a charitable foundation.

Show quote history

Gosh yes, absolutely nobody on Mumsnet has any expertise, understanding or experience that could possibly lend itself to such highfalutin and complicated matters as the charitable sector, banking or finance. The only areas we are expert in are changing nappies and nagging our DH when he comes home from his BIG JOB in the charitable sector, banking or finance.🙄

Torie99 · 24/08/2023 05:14

my dads the same. Dont tell him

Torie99 · 24/08/2023 05:19

bellabasset · 21/08/2023 10:17

I recently had a stroke and I was told an emergency button would be given to me on leaving hospital. It wasn't and that was because even my dsis didn't dare give them my bank accoubt details as it's a paid service. The set up fee is £165. I had a lottery win of £30 this week. I'm not quite confident yet of using online banking due to partial paralysis. My neighbour paid the plumbing bill and I gave her a cheque which she was able to cash online.

Eeer are you asking for money?? :-O

Wallywobbles · 24/08/2023 05:35

Can't you just tell him he's indiscret and so you won't tell him. It's not his news to share.

RantyAnty · 24/08/2023 05:45

First mistake was telling anyone.
You told your sister so chances are they've told someone else already.

llizzie · 25/08/2023 21:39

Trust funds are very complicated and the lawyer fees are high.

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 21:49

PeachCastle · 24/08/2023 02:42

Gosh yes, absolutely nobody on Mumsnet has any expertise, understanding or experience that could possibly lend itself to such highfalutin and complicated matters as the charitable sector, banking or finance. The only areas we are expert in are changing nappies and nagging our DH when he comes home from his BIG JOB in the charitable sector, banking or finance.🙄

Show quote history

Way to miss my point. The level of professional expertise in pretty much any sector you can think of and the generosity of many MNers in the free, expert advice they offer is genuinely astounding. There are also, however, a lot of fantasists and bullshitters around here and if you haven’t noticed that you haven’t been paying attention.

Quite apart from which, OP specifically did not ask for financial advice, has since confirmed that she has received extensive specialist counsel, and has not disclosed her location meaning it would be very difficult for even a professional financial advisor to give her relevant advice even if she wanted it. Which she doesn’t.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 25/08/2023 22:18

I always wonder why MN posters assume everything is UK based tho,

It’s a UK based site…

WhatapityWapiti · 25/08/2023 22:25

MsRosley · 23/08/2023 09:35

I always wonder why MN posters assume everything is UK based tho, I'm European and DP is actually another nationality not European, not British. I think it can really color comments from posters when they make assumptions...

Pretty natural assumption given it's a UK based site and we all talk in English.

The UK may not be in the EU any more but we are still geographically European. Are you trying to use “European” here to differentiate yourself from British OP?

NalafromtheLionKing · 25/08/2023 22:34

Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 13:14

‘7 figures isn’t really foundation land OP. ‘

well, no it’s not. He’s guessing £1mill.
and as for why not just give to charities that exist, we will too but I have caused close to my heart - small, grassroots, or underfunded or not funded that we can make a real impact on.
it’s not going to be named after us or anything, and if anyone’s asks I’ll say I work there.
It’ll be many years down the line Inthink, before it’s established to the point where people really have heard of it.

This isn’t some pie in the sky idea, it’s been long in the making and legal advice has been sought!

You know, you can just donate to those causes as an individual instead of going to the hassle and massive expense of setting up a foundation? Between £1m and £9m is a lovely amount of money but I don’t think it will last as long as you think unless you are donating small amounts each time.

paulfoel · 19/10/2023 14:39

Not on quite the same scale but Dad is obsessed with how much I earn. I won't tell him.

I'm a self-employed IT consultant with 35 years experience so I do OK.

He asks me stupid things like "So more than £100 a week?"

He thinks £100 a week is "good money". No way am I telling him its a lot more than that per day. (In fact, isn't minimum wage not far off £100 a day?)

WhatapityWapiti · 19/10/2023 22:41

paulfoel · 19/10/2023 14:39

Not on quite the same scale but Dad is obsessed with how much I earn. I won't tell him.

I'm a self-employed IT consultant with 35 years experience so I do OK.

He asks me stupid things like "So more than £100 a week?"

He thinks £100 a week is "good money". No way am I telling him its a lot more than that per day. (In fact, isn't minimum wage not far off £100 a day?)

Do you dislike your father or something? Seems odd to treat him like an idiot?

RantyAnty · 20/10/2023 02:21

paulfoel · 19/10/2023 14:39

Not on quite the same scale but Dad is obsessed with how much I earn. I won't tell him.

I'm a self-employed IT consultant with 35 years experience so I do OK.

He asks me stupid things like "So more than £100 a week?"

He thinks £100 a week is "good money". No way am I telling him its a lot more than that per day. (In fact, isn't minimum wage not far off £100 a day?)

When in doubt always pretend you're poor so people won't be lining up with their hand out.

My mum thought I was a temp worker and I agreed with her.

Explanation for living in a mansion. I was a caretaker or I rented a room.

coxesorangepippin · 20/10/2023 02:25

Oh whatever

Burdening with extreme wealth my arse

Mothership4two · 20/10/2023 02:52

As this thread has popped up again - what did you do OP?

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 20/10/2023 02:59

Stick to your guns!! It's not his business, whether he's your parent or anyone else.

BTW, what the heck is a DSIS?

Mothership4two · 20/10/2023 03:15

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 20/10/2023 02:59

Stick to your guns!! It's not his business, whether he's your parent or anyone else.

BTW, what the heck is a DSIS?

BTW, what the heck is a DSIS?

DSIS = sister as opposed to DS = son

user1492757084 · 20/10/2023 03:46

Congratulations, OP.
Don't tell him. Is he also pressuring your sister about the sum?
I would refuse to speak to him unless he stops asking.
You need to impress upon him that if he doesn't know then he will never blurt it out, unplanned and that you never want your children to know, your friends to know nor any member of your family or friends to be kidnapped or put in danger.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 20/10/2023 03:51

So Darling SISter. Why not just....oh, ok, I guess that makes sense! :)
Thank you

sgtz · 20/10/2023 06:26

Can you donate a teeny bit to me please? :)

Conkersinautumn · 20/10/2023 07:24

Good luck op. I have an uncle who is totally obsessed with costs, income etc. Its relentless, I find I can't talk to him about anything (days out, holidays, presents even booksor walks he turns to being about money on something!) . I hope you can sit him down tonreally listen about how you are going to need privacy for your own sanity moving forward. In my heart I know if I were to come into money I'd have to take measures to avoid my uncle finding out, its so much harder with a parent.

Gillypie23 · 20/10/2023 07:26

Tell him to mind his own business.

Rainallnight · 20/10/2023 07:27

Haretest · 21/08/2023 10:26

I agree, I wish it was harder to open charities/foundations as the amount of money wasted on repeated infrastructure is maddening. Please consider donating it to existing charities instead so the money has more impact.

Show quote history

This was my thought too (I work in the sector) though obviously kudos to the OP for wanted to benefit others with the money.