To not let my dad know how much money it is??

[Relunctanto]

Have come into a life changing amount of money. After much thought we are going to put money away for the kids, make sure ddad is comfortable, just a sensible amount, and open a foundation with the rest and give as much away as possible to causes important to us.

We had to tell my dad because it's obvious that we have $$ as we're paying off the house, may move and I'm leaving my job to run the Foundation, and will be hiring staff etc. Plus I'd like to make sure he has a monthly income from it.

But we didn't say how much as he is an absolute blabbermouth! He can't help himself, always wants to know how much things cost, where they're from etc and tells everyone. He's an open book. Talks to everyone.

He livid that I won;t tell him the amount. Keeps making guesses, brings it up in every convo. Is irate that I told Dsis ( Because I want her to join the running of the Foundation so had to reassure her it will run for generations if managed properly and worth leaving her very good career for).

It's causing massive friction. Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

YABU - swear him to secrecy, tell him he can tell NO-ONE the amounts involved. He'll understand the importance.

YANBU - He's not going to change now, he'll let it slip then our relationship will deffo be worse off.

Dad. QUIT. Asking. I don't owe you an answer and I'm not telling you, I'm NEVER telling you. It's none of your business, and it's becoming very annoying. Don't make me quit taking your calls

Tell him 900 million then when he tells people they'll think he's havering and no one will ever know!

Why dont you just say that your monthly money to him is on the condition he drops the chat. Ifs rude of him.

'Swagatha' Christie.

lottery winning? Tell him 2 millions.

I’d tell him 10 to 20 times whatever you’re likely to give him.

Ha ha

The problem is that he now knows that you have won it. If you were going to keep it private you should have done just that - not told anyone! Just make up a figure and enjoy yourself and stop worrying

That's lovely, and exactly what we'd do if we came into Euromillions type money.

I'd get most joy out of helping others.

As for your dad, just let him think it's 1 million if he wants (I'm assuming it's higher), as it's enough that he'll believe it, but keeps you safe from people finding out it's 50 million, or whatever.

Congrats and good luck 💐

Really? I'd say £25m+ is extreme wealth

Congratulations. What ever you decide to do I hope not makes you and your family happy.

Breath! I’m certain in a couple of years you won’t know the people you do now and its none of their business anyway.

@Relunctanto can I just say I think your an amazing family for what your doing ♥️… keep up what your doing and wish there was more like you out there 🥂🍾 congratulations also on however you came upon you windfall.

So how much did you win/inherit?

Honestly I think you’ve handled things badly. The secret to having money, is not letting anyone know that you have money. That means no major immediate lifestyle changes like becoming unemployed or suddenly chasing self employment and opening a foundation. Stagger any changes. Don’t pay all his bills etc, just give him a small amount that seems reasonable for your primary income. By implementing shocking changes, you’ve made your finances a bigger topic of conversation. The longer you keep things secretive, the more it will span out of control. Streisand effect? He won’t simply forget.

for me, I got a big promotion. Just before that promotion, I inherited property in the Home Counties and could live comfortably. But I haven’t rushed into anything. I just maintain my previous lifestyle without the strain of cost of living which would be attributed to my promotion. I don’t have people intrigued about my finances. Money does make people act differently

I think you should tell him the truth. If you do not, he may well make up stories and tell people you robbed a bank or something. It is never a good thing to lie about money. Your DP is not daft if he has children like you, and he could make problems for you if he finds out you are concealing something like that.

He may not like the deceit when he does find out, and you will have alienated him. I don't think he would tell anyone if it is a very large amount. Invest it for the family's future. Nothing lasts forever.

Relunctanto i myself have been fortunate enough to have had a similar experience, the foundation is absolutely the right path in which to go down. Personally I told only immediate family who also benefited from our good fortune. I didn’t let them know the figures as advised not to, as unfortunately so many mixed letters arrive from heartbreaking stories to threatening ones with regards the children etc., horrendous. Enjoy your good fortune & spend wisely. I wish you all the very best for the future.

I have thought about this dilemma often and my dad is the same. Complete blabbermouth. But I would impress upon him that the safety of the children is paramount and if the amount of money got leaked it would lead to possible ransom situations. For that reason alone I would keep the total between me and my oh and only immediate family would know that we won but not the amount.

You've already told him you've won and he's guessing 1mil...has he actually told anyone yet? Maybe he's gossipy but there's a difference between surface gossip (blabbing holiday plans or that you hate your boss) and something like this where potentially you will have people coming out of the woodwork. Is he able to grasp the difference?

Fwiw I wouldn't tell anyone I had won the lottery, unless I was going to tell them how much. Same way I would find it annoying if someone told me they had won but wouldn't say how much, I wouldn't have a right to know but I'd be thinking why bother saying something at all.

' But I would impress upon him that the safety of the children is paramount and if the amount of money got leaked it would lead to possible ransom situations.'

Yes, that's one I hadn't mentioned to him. Anyway. Thanks for the helpful comments, some have helped!

'Honestly I think you’ve handled things badly. The secret to having money, is not letting anyone know that you have money. '

Perhaps, but given only my sister and dad know ( outside of the necessary finance/legal people) I really don't think I have.

I always wonder why MN posters assume everything is UK based tho, I'm European and DP is actually another nationality not European, not British. I think it can really color comments from posters when they make assumptions...

@SadAndMushyAndComplicated We all know the name of the person who won it and they confirmed at work but chose not to go public. NHS jungle drums are a great source of information 😂

Completely agree. I think you are doing the right thing by your family and they should be very grateful and happy. End of.

I always wonder why MN posters assume everything is UK based tho, I'm European and DP is actually another nationality not European, not British. I think it can really color comments from posters when they make assumptions...

Pretty natural assumption given it's a UK based site and we all talk in English.

Well if it was all in French I’d assume (probably correctly) that MN was a French site. 🤷‍♀️

I think you already know the sensible thing to do is not tell him. Be firm in that because if he senses you’re wavering he will keep on!

All the best with the foundation OP, I’d love to know what it will be for if you feel able to share.

Give an amount to settle his mind.

Huge congratulations to you. All the best with the Foundation ☺️