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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my dad know how much money it is??

302 replies

Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 10:00

Have come into a life changing amount of money. After much thought we are going to put money away for the kids, make sure ddad is comfortable, just a sensible amount, and open a foundation with the rest and give as much away as possible to causes important to us.

We had to tell my dad because it's obvious that we have $$ as we're paying off the house, may move and I'm leaving my job to run the Foundation, and will be hiring staff etc. Plus I'd like to make sure he has a monthly income from it.

But we didn't say how much as he is an absolute blabbermouth! He can't help himself, always wants to know how much things cost, where they're from etc and tells everyone. He's an open book. Talks to everyone.

He livid that I won;t tell him the amount. Keeps making guesses, brings it up in every convo. Is irate that I told Dsis ( Because I want her to join the running of the Foundation so had to reassure her it will run for generations if managed properly and worth leaving her very good career for).

It's causing massive friction. Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

YABU - swear him to secrecy, tell him he can tell NO-ONE the amounts involved. He'll understand the importance.

YANBU - He's not going to change now, he'll let it slip then our relationship will deffo be worse off.

OP posts:
justabigdisco · 21/08/2023 10:01

How much is it? ;-)

Express0 · 21/08/2023 10:02

Next time he says an amount just say yes

Motomum23 · 21/08/2023 10:03

Tell him you won a million, or half a million or whatever amount will make it feel like you have just enough for what you intend and not enough to splash on those that come out of the woodwork asking for handouts. You don't have to tell him the real amount.... this advice will only cost you £1000
😂

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2023 10:04

Have you asked him why it is so important to know?

I would be tempted to do a Dr Evil impression "one BILLION dollars!"

passedthetest · 21/08/2023 10:04

It's your business and if you want to keep it to yourselves, you should. Every time he asks just keep saying, 'Enough to live comfortably' and rinse and repeat until he gets the message.

But also, how much is it?😂

Original poster
Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 10:05

I did think about lying, he already knows/thinks he's knows it's 7 figures but still going on about it. Keeps sending me links to luxury houses in our city for sale, I think trying to worm info! But we've no intention of moving to some 10 bed McMansion or any other giant house. Or buying stupid cars etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 10:07

'How much is it? ;-)'

Enough for us to be worried about burdening our children with extreme wealth. But we aren't. We are seriously and absolutely going to donate the majority - and we'll still never have to worry about another bill again.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/08/2023 10:10

Oo did you win that big euro millions ? Just tell your dad it was a lot and to stop being nosey ! Was it that big euromillions from the other week 😄

purplecorkheart · 21/08/2023 10:11

Your Dad sounds a bit like mine in that he cannot keep his mouth shut and also puts tails on stories. I would be honest with him and tell him that you know that he cannot keep a secret and will tell person x and then person x will tell person y and then the whole town will be told. I have had to do that with my Dad a few times with things.

jmh740 · 21/08/2023 10:12

I would just tell your dad some random figure to stop him going on about it.

Out of curiosity how did you come into it? Inheritance, lottery win?

WaxhamSeals · 21/08/2023 10:13

Why open a Foundation? I’d just donate to existing charities, or fund a specific project eg something that would benefit my local community.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 21/08/2023 10:13

Either come up with a figure that will satisfy him or refuse to discuss. Tell him why

howshouldibehave · 21/08/2023 10:13

Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

I would imagine anyone who knows you or the work you’re setting up will be able to guess that you’ve won shitloads of money if you’ve been able to give your job up and start a ‘Foundation’, tbh.

Mirabai · 21/08/2023 10:17

Relunctanto · 21/08/2023 10:05

I did think about lying, he already knows/thinks he's knows it's 7 figures but still going on about it. Keeps sending me links to luxury houses in our city for sale, I think trying to worm info! But we've no intention of moving to some 10 bed McMansion or any other giant house. Or buying stupid cars etc.

7 figures isn’t really foundation land OP. Of course he wants to know and it’s absurd not to tell him.

bellabasset · 21/08/2023 10:17

I recently had a stroke and I was told an emergency button would be given to me on leaving hospital. It wasn't and that was because even my dsis didn't dare give them my bank accoubt details as it's a paid service. The set up fee is £165. I had a lottery win of £30 this week. I'm not quite confident yet of using online banking due to partial paralysis. My neighbour paid the plumbing bill and I gave her a cheque which she was able to cash online.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 21/08/2023 10:21

Depends. He will tell people, so would you rather that, or the nagging?

mewkins · 21/08/2023 10:22

Now we all want to know 😄😄😄. I'd also tell him a much smaller amount.

But everyone who knows you will know you've come into money and will start dropping into conversation their stories of woe.

I know of someone who had a (much smaller) lottery win and told only two people because they didn't want people to be weird around them.

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 21/08/2023 10:25

Will the foundation have to prepare accounts that are publicly available in which case he will have an idea won't he?

dahliadazed · 21/08/2023 10:25

Just him the largest feasible amount. Not telling him means he’s more likely to talk about it to you and others - tell him an amount and the conversation will be over.

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 21/08/2023 10:26

Mirabai · 21/08/2023 10:17

7 figures isn’t really foundation land OP. Of course he wants to know and it’s absurd not to tell him.

Show quote history

Agree foundation land is 9 figure minimum I would say

Haretest · 21/08/2023 10:26

WaxhamSeals · 21/08/2023 10:13

Why open a Foundation? I’d just donate to existing charities, or fund a specific project eg something that would benefit my local community.

I agree, I wish it was harder to open charities/foundations as the amount of money wasted on repeated infrastructure is maddening. Please consider donating it to existing charities instead so the money has more impact.

houseofstark · 21/08/2023 10:26

OMG this is my secret fantasy! Win lots of money, help out those closest to me and set up a foundation to help distribute the rest to where it can help others most.

Well done OP for wanting to use it wisely. I wish you the best of luck!

P.S. part of my fantasy involves working out how I can keep my involvement secret eg pretending I'm an employee rather than the trustee etc!! I may have spent too long thinking about this.... Smile

StaySpicy · 21/08/2023 10:27

houseofstark · 21/08/2023 10:26

OMG this is my secret fantasy! Win lots of money, help out those closest to me and set up a foundation to help distribute the rest to where it can help others most.

Well done OP for wanting to use it wisely. I wish you the best of luck!

P.S. part of my fantasy involves working out how I can keep my involvement secret eg pretending I'm an employee rather than the trustee etc!! I may have spent too long thinking about this.... Smile

Sounds like 'At Home with the Braithwaites' territory! 😆

Mrsjayy · 21/08/2023 10:28

howshouldibehave · 21/08/2023 10:13

Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

I would imagine anyone who knows you or the work you’re setting up will be able to guess that you’ve won shitloads of money if you’ve been able to give your job up and start a ‘Foundation’, tbh.

Well this tbf folk are going to know and definitely wonder what this foundation Is about !

Knackeredmommy · 21/08/2023 10:30

Don't tell him, I'd be direct and tell him it's exactly this behaviour that means you aren't disclosing the amount to anyone.

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