To not let my dad know how much money it is??

[Relunctanto]

Have come into a life changing amount of money. After much thought we are going to put money away for the kids, make sure ddad is comfortable, just a sensible amount, and open a foundation with the rest and give as much away as possible to causes important to us.

We had to tell my dad because it's obvious that we have $$ as we're paying off the house, may move and I'm leaving my job to run the Foundation, and will be hiring staff etc. Plus I'd like to make sure he has a monthly income from it.

But we didn't say how much as he is an absolute blabbermouth! He can't help himself, always wants to know how much things cost, where they're from etc and tells everyone. He's an open book. Talks to everyone.

He livid that I won;t tell him the amount. Keeps making guesses, brings it up in every convo. Is irate that I told Dsis ( Because I want her to join the running of the Foundation so had to reassure her it will run for generations if managed properly and worth leaving her very good career for).

It's causing massive friction. Ironically the reason we're keeping it so private is money does cause problems and I have no intention of having anyone outside of a handful of people know.

YABU - swear him to secrecy, tell him he can tell NO-ONE the amounts involved. He'll understand the importance.

YANBU - He's not going to change now, he'll let it slip then our relationship will deffo be worse off.

@Iwantcakeeveryday LOL

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist exactly!

‘7 figures isn’t really foundation land OP. ‘

well, no it’s not. He’s guessing £1mill.
and as for why not just give to charities that exist, we will too but I have caused close to my heart - small, grassroots, or underfunded or not funded that we can make a real impact on.
it’s not going to be named after us or anything, and if anyone’s asks I’ll say I work there.
It’ll be many years down the line Inthink, before it’s established to the point where people really have heard of it.

This isn’t some pie in the sky idea, it’s been long in the making and legal advice has been sought!

I would say that dad, why do you need to know? Repeat repeat repeat

There is no answer that will satisfy you as there isn't a need to know

I'm your dad, other know, juts don't cut it

Not sure how you can keep a foundation private and only a handful of people will know. If this is real ( doubtful ), already too many people know.

I think this will all come out at some stage (I get there's privacy, but outright lying is a different thing, which is what you propose to do with saying you 'work for' the foundation).

I'm really surprised there's not more people saying you're best off being up front now with your dad, and just do your best in asking him to be discrete and explain the impact it will have if it isn't. I have people in my family who might blab, but honestly, it's just going to be a price to pay. I don't know what negative consequences you're envisaging - is it press, or people you know asking you for money? If you make it clear and transparent just how much you're putting into the foundation you'll be clear from this, and it'll be good press for the charities you're keen to support.

7 figures may turn out to not be as much as you think it is. Keep in mind that you should never withdraw more than 4% a year from your wealth to live on, and that includes charitable giving, paying off houses, funding uni for the kids, etc. If the amount is 9,999,999, the largest 7 figure amount, the most you should ever withdraw is 400,000 in any given year. If you are funding yourselves and paying staff, that money might not go as far as you think.

Is 7 figures really starting a foundation money?

Once you pay off the mortgage etc it’s not all that much is it? Given you may live till 100 and withdraw money annually.

Anyway congrats on your windfall.

It's "hilarious" that you think 10k would be anywhere near enough

Ah yes, it is a thing. If you think someone is a troll, report it if its that important to you. You ought to have read these: https://www.mumsnet.com/i/netiquette

People should read the OP, her father is guessing the 7 figure amount. She hasn't said it's that. Legal advice has been sought regarding what to do with the money so again, the OP seems to know what she's doing. She is just asking about what to say to her Dad.

Just tell him you win 1 million. Tell him it's enough to pay your mortgage, offer him some support and give a bit to charity. But it's not enough to help random and you'd prefer him not to share the amount. Most people wouldn't hassle you if you won 1 million. Really is only enough to get a modest house, car and pay off debt.

Can I ask where the money came from OP?

Was it inheritance? Lottery win? Selling a business? Wondering if it's connected to him in some way.

I would also lie and tell him eg 1m tbh

Don't tell him! He sounds just like my Dad - money obsessed. We are quite wealthy and he's always asking how much things cost and what bonus my DH got so he can show off to his mates who must find it nauseating. Just give him a fake & much much lower figure of you need to - he will absolutely tell everyone.

Gee I wish I had this problem!

Er, is this a joke (schools hols. and all that)? Would you like to tell us how we can possibly KNOW whether your father will blab his mouth off or not? Anyone know Reluctanto's Dad? Anyone....?

Methinks this is just a little stealth boast...or a load of tripe...or a very big stealth boast.

Here's the answer : keep your mouth shut, then that'll solve the problem (no fee for this advice - free, gratis and for nothing...)

@DriftingDora 👏

Don’t tell your dad and get legal advice before you start committing to setting up a foundation . I assume you’ve invested in your kids so they are completely covered in terms of university costs and property costs et cetera

@DriftingDora I'd say a load of tripe. Likely won 20 quid down at the bingo and is now looking for an even bigger stealth boost as nothing better to do

Won't he know once the foundation is set up? If you are in England/Wales he would be able to see the initial funding for the Foundation and what you are paying the top people (so assume you and your sister).

So if you lie he will find out further down the line, and if you don't tell him he will find out once the Foundation is set up.

If he's guessing £1m, why don't you say to him

'Actually it's £1.1534m' (random numbers always more believable)

Just say - circa £200k to pay off the mortgage; £500k trust fund for DC and the rest are savings for me & DH to be able work part time / give up work......... put whatever else you like in there.

Basically, make him believe all the money you have has been assigned somewhere - which isn't technically lying

This is either made up rubbish or you need to find yourself some better legal advice.

a) your dad will find out how much you have in the donation when you submit your accounts to the charity commission
b) you’re unlikely to need to have a fully staffed office for a foundation in single millions who haven’t done anything yet
c) if you are going to run this foundation you’d better get yourself very very quickly up to date on charity law and regulations. If you’re going to be involved with it you’re better as a trustee with someone who knows what they’re doing at the helm rather than offering jobs to family members randomly

Don't tell him.
My lottery daydream involves telling fuck all of my family and I'd never tell DM. She's been hugely indiscreet before about very private matters of mine - literally telling strangers outside church so if I won the lottery she would have her entire leecher family told in nanoseconds and I'd not get a minutes peace.

Tell him to STFU or he gets nowt.