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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

532 replies

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:23

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

OP posts:
HappyScales · 20/08/2023 22:57

Hollyhead · 20/08/2023 20:50

Can you have 2 middle names? Something like Willow Rose Wilhelmina to break it up a bit?

Lovely idea and lovely name actually!

ChrisPPancake · 20/08/2023 22:58

@thunderthunder3 has his mum got a middle name and do you like that?

DieDeutschLehrerin · 20/08/2023 22:58

In my Nan's family everyone had an English first name and a Welsh middle name and were called by the Welsh name, or a shortening thereof. Could you call her Olive Wilhelmina and she be known as "Willow" as a diminutive of her middle name. I know DP currently isn't keen but if your daughter ends up being called Willow then perhaps it will be ok. It's tricky. Our two have 4 names because of having to include a family name for our first so I do sympathise, we just went with it. The kids will do what they like when they're older anyway 😁

ChrisPPancake · 20/08/2023 22:58

Or call her Willow Mina Grin

TrainedByCats · 20/08/2023 22:59

You’re not married so he cant register the birth and name by himself. You do or you can allow him to sign the register with you but you have the legal right to name the child.

How long ago did his mother die? How would he feel if you wanted to use your mothers name?

Willow Wilhelmina opens her up to ridicule he’s cruel not to consider that

Jellybean23 · 20/08/2023 22:59

Did his mother have a nickname? They must have shortened it, surely?

Saoirse82 · 20/08/2023 23:02

SemperIdem · 20/08/2023 20:34

Yanbu

But I don’t really like the “naming after family” tradition anyway.

To me that is what middle names are for.

YABU OP. Nobody ever knows anyone else's middle names as your DD might like the tribute.

Alstro · 20/08/2023 23:03

DarkDarkNight · 20/08/2023 21:17

YANBU. I think of Frank Lampard’s daughter with Christine Bleakley being called Patricia after his mum. I’m sorry, but you don’t need to saddle your child with a name you think is hideous to honour a grandparent.

But it's a middle name so not the same.

Serendipitoushedgehog · 20/08/2023 23:05

Have two middle names?

SequinsandStiIettos · 20/08/2023 23:06

Willow Wilhemina is like calling her Wilson Wilson.
Willow Mina is lovely.
Wilhelmina no, Billie at a push.
Olive Wilhelmina - ow!

Toomanyplants123 · 20/08/2023 23:06

Would you consider Mina as a middle name? When put together it is pretty much Wilhelmina but you can still have Willow as a first name?

SequinsandStiIettos · 20/08/2023 23:07

Willow Olive Wilhelmina...wow!

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 20/08/2023 23:11

I didn't like my mums name but she died while I was pregnant with my first daughter, so she has her name as a middle name. Dd2 has her other grandma's name as a middle name, and ds has his late grandpa's name as a middle name. I think its not uncommon , and is a mark of respect. They don't use their middle names in day to day life (I don't even have one!) so I don't see it as a problem

Chickenpie35 · 20/08/2023 23:16

I'll get slated but it's ultimately up to you! You're not married tell him to stop being a bully or you'll get her registered by yourself cos you can. You've made enough compromises and gave enough options. Is he usually a control freak? My ds dad was the same thought he owned me, wasn't a proud dad just someone else he could have control over.

MisschiefMaker · 20/08/2023 23:17

He sounds so pushy I don't believe for a second he will let the baby end up with your surname.

Let him sleep on the Mina as a middle name idea. Maybe you can convince him? That's honestly a genius idea from @BiIIie

FWIW I think "Willow Wilhelmina" is kinda cool. But you don't, so fair enough.

Tinysoxx · 20/08/2023 23:20

If your partner doesn’t like Mina then be careful with Wilhelmina as a first name as, by secondary school, she won’t be Wilhelmina any more. All the longer names get shortened so she’ll be Willa/Willow/Mina. Her and her friends will be more likely to choose her nickname than you as parents.

SequinsandStiIettos · 20/08/2023 23:24

On Ugly Betty, Wilhemina was shortened to Willie!

Mercy1968 · 20/08/2023 23:29

My grandmother was Wilhelmina but only ever called Mina. Did she use the full name? If not go for Willow Mina which sounds fresh and better than the full thing.

caringcarer · 20/08/2023 23:32

10Minutestobedtime · 20/08/2023 20:59

This! Don't do it!

Show quote history

I agree. If you break up you will have a different name to your DC. I'd agree on Wilhelmina but call her Willow as a pet name. It's not a nice name but she was his Mum and she will never see his baby.

TheHouseElf · 20/08/2023 23:32

Agree with @Chickenpie35 He's being ridiculously uncompromising here and it sounds like its his way or the highway. You are not married. You can quite easily go off and register the baby's name without him. FGS, you simply cannot name your baby Willow Wilhelmina!! Can you imagine your daughter having to carry that name for her whole life.

Gothambutnotahamster · 20/08/2023 23:33

With your latest update Op, he's being completely unreasonable. Willow Wilhelmina is awful. Sleep on it & hopefully he'll see just how bad it is!

Theroom · 20/08/2023 23:34

I think Willow Mina is a great idea, but since your DP doesn't I'd add another name of your choice to break it up. So you chose Willow together, he gets Wilhelmina and you get Rose/Jane/whatever. I know loads of people with two middle names, it's not too much.

Tbh, if it is that important to him I'd ultimately let him have Willow Wilhelmina. After agonising over my first DCs middle name I realised how little they are used after the birth announcement. They really don't matter that much. I wouldn't use my second choice of first name as that's the name you'll be using day in, day out.

AutumnIsMyFriend · 20/08/2023 23:35

Could you compromise on Wilhelmina on the birth cert, known as Willow?

Vanillalime · 20/08/2023 23:37

Honestly I would call the baby Willow YourSurname.

SMM2020 · 20/08/2023 23:44

Just to play devils advocate a little...I'm not all that keen on one of my eldest's middle names but when you both have dead dads and we wanted to keep with tradition, I sucked it up.

The number of people who have asked me what his middle names are in the last 3 years I can count on one hand. It feels like a huge decision at the time but after a year or so, you just never use it except for on forms and passports. Honestly, middle names are really a none thing once they're actually here.