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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

532 replies

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:23

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

OP posts:
Andthereyougo · 20/08/2023 23:54

They don’t go together at all.
Willow is lovely. Wilhelmina- just no.
Don’t know how you persuade DH though.

pamplemoussemousse · 20/08/2023 23:55

Snugglemonkey · 20/08/2023 22:36

Yabu. You are being horrible actually. Middle names do not matter a jot and it will mean a lot to your dp and to your child.

Don't tell the OP she's being horrible, she's trying to accommodate her dp while not saddling her child with a name she doesn't like.

She's suggested alternatives and he's having none, I'm not sure she's the horrible one...

Cantrushart · 20/08/2023 23:55

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 20/08/2023 21:34

Naming a baby after a dead relative comes with a lot of baggage. You're allowed to say no.

Totally agree. I also don't like Willow Mina, it sounds like Jessie Car or Izzy Bell.

ihadamarveloustime · 21/08/2023 00:01

Tell him you'd prefer to give her your surname as your middle name if you're giving the baby his surname as her actual surname.

You can't name the baby Willow Wilhelmina. That would be cruel/laughable.

Willow can be considered honour enough, surely.

Angie147836 · 21/08/2023 00:04

Willow Mina is one alternative that is less of a mouthful (and prettier), or just go the whole hog and call her Wilhelmina, to be known (forever after!) as Willow for short.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 21/08/2023 00:06

Just in case it persuades him that Willow Wilhelmina doesn’t sound good, it sounds like the bit out of Summer Lovin’ in Grease where it goes “Well-a well-a well-a huh”… “Will-ow will-a Mina huh!”

I don’t think Olive is an attractive name either though.

applesandmares · 21/08/2023 00:07

So your only criteria in this is that you don't want your daughter to be called Willow Wilhelmina, yet he is insisting that is what she's called?

No. You don't have to give your child a name you don't like. Tell him he gets to choose one - if he insists on Wilhelmina then the first name will be olive or some other name. If he insists on Willow then the middle name will be something else. That is a compromise. He gets to decide one of the names and either you or both of you can decide the others.

Willow Wilhelmina is ridiculous 😂 and if he won't be fair, remind him that you can toddle on off to the registry office and call her whatever you like if you so desired.

ihadamarveloustime · 21/08/2023 00:08

So basically he thinks he gets to name the baby, whether you agree or not.

Because he's insisting on Willow.

Because he's insisting on Wilhelmina.

I would be putting my foot down. Your offer to agree to use Wilhelmina as a middle name, even though you dislike the name, with Olive was a reasonable compromise. Why does he think he gets everything his way? That's just not on.

Willow wilhelmina sounds like a joke of a name.

Olive Wilhelmina or Ivy Wilhelmina would work much ore nicely if you could live with the middle names, and he needs to compromise if he's stuck on honoring his mother with a name you don't actually like.

midlifecrash · 21/08/2023 00:12

Have only read OP so sorry if this has been asked but surely his mum was not CALLED Wilhelmina in daily life? “Morning Wilhelmina” “Cup of tea Wilhelmina?” I see she wasn’t called Mina so what was it?

(and Willow Wilhelmina is a real mouthful, I hope your surname is not Williams)

Moglet4 · 21/08/2023 00:16

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:29

wasn't sure on posting the name but did name change just in case it came up. name is wilhelmina and we had decided on willow as her first name... i really don't like them together and i really do not like wilhelmina but i don't want to be awful and if it is genuinely really bad to say no, i will obviously have to suck it up and go with it and i think reading the opinions on others will definitely make me feel better about that if that is the case

Oh dear. I’m sorry but you’re right here. You absolutely cannot call a child Willow Wilhelmina. Poor bairn. Could you compromise, maybe with Mina as a middle name? Then altogether it’s basically the grandmother’s name but you’ll only actually call her Willow

Original poster
thunderthunder3 · 21/08/2023 00:16

can't bloody sleep. his mum was often referred to as billie/willie/will if shortened vs the end part of the name and i explained how that is the exact beginning of willow already and he has said "yes, that's why i really like it" so he already acknowledges that about the name. i just don't get any of it now.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 21/08/2023 00:18

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 21:49

we don't mind the popularity thing. second choice is olive and after this thread i am honestly just leaning towards going for olive wilhelmina

Olive Wilhelmina is lovely!

Anothnamechang · 21/08/2023 00:19

Why not name baby Wilhelmina but shorten to Willow? I was lucky in the sense that our grandparents/ parents names flowed with our daughters names.

AcornRoots · 21/08/2023 00:22

I wanted to give my Dad's and/or my partner's Dad's names as our DS's middle names. But my partner said a hard no, he didn't like the sound of either of them, and personally I wasn't going to force it, so that was that. I just didn't give my kids middle names. It's not really a big deal in my view.

In my experience, people don't tend to use their middle names anyway. My sibling has a terrible middle name, goodness knows what my parents were thinking! But they never use it and I don't think anybody who knows them, even close friends, know they even have a middle name! A middle name is easy for a person to hide/ignore, in case you just want to appease your partner and say OK we'll use MIL's name! I bet there are tons of parents who say to their grown up kids, "I really wasn't keen on XX as your middle name but Mum/Dad wanted it." You never know, maybe your baby will grow up really liking their middle name and it will be a nice gift to them. Or maybe they'll say "Jeez, Mum/Dad, what were you thinking!" Either way, not a huge deal.

I guess what I'm saying is... I know it might be hard to view it this way right now, but it's just a second name, so either way it probably won't matter that much for your child in the long run! Good luck xx

tanyamcquoid · 21/08/2023 00:22

Suggest Willa Mina?

Waffle78 · 21/08/2023 00:23

How about shortening it to Wilma?Most of us don't use our middle names anyway. I hate mine which is a boy's name after my dad with an A on the end to form a girls name.

AmazingSnakeHead · 21/08/2023 00:24

Well you absolutely cannot call her willow wilhelmina so he needs to compromise somewhere.

blubberyboo · 21/08/2023 00:28

LightDrizzle · 21/08/2023 00:18

Olive Wilhelmina is lovely!

Show quote history

I actually came to caution against it as my first thought ( because we are talking about a deceased lady) was that it sounds like

”Oh Live Wilhelmina”

and that would just stick in my head about the MIL as if willing her to live again ffs

OP I think Willow Wilhelmina will grow through time And the middle name is rarely used
give her your surname though

SplendidUtterly · 21/08/2023 00:30

You can't call her "Willow Wilhelmina"
Surely DH can see this?
Ask him to say it out loud a few times

DrDaedalus · 21/08/2023 00:31

electriclight · 20/08/2023 21:34

I think YABU. It will be a little-used middle name, but has huge significance to your DP. I do not understand why 'wanting to love the name' is considered more important than honouring his mother. Give her two middle names and it will hardly ever be used.

No-one uses middle names. Who cares if it goes or not?

It goes well enough because you picked one name and your husband another.

You have the first name choice and surname, both far more important than a middle name no one will use.

user1492757084 · 21/08/2023 00:33

Willow Wilhelmina is very sweet to me.

Have you considered giving her a third simple name..
Willow Wilhelmina Jane Surname. 10/10

A third name can ground a complex sounding combination.
Do you love a simple, smart, name that could provide that.

Also consider calling her ..
Wilhelmina Yourfavouritesecondname Surname - Willow
So willow is the nick name.

purplebluediscorain · 21/08/2023 00:33

I will say this I put my late nans name in my daughters and I wish I hadn’t, although it isn’t all that bad. I wish we’d chosen a different one or none at all. My partner doesn’t mind so much but yeah. I don’t know I feel weird about it when I think about it.

Twistingskies · 21/08/2023 00:34

Our dd4 has got my DFIL name as her second middle name but the female version. He never got to meet her so I wanted her to have a part of him.
Then DS came along so we named him
DFIL full name. I could never ever have called him anything else. It’s such a lovely tribute and my D

Twistingskies · 21/08/2023 00:34

Clicked to soon

and my DH was so happy I suggested it.

Twistingskies · 21/08/2023 00:36

Also I don’t understand that if you are planning to marry then why are you giving her your surname? Won’t you just have to change her name once married?