to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

[thunderthunder3]

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

Do not call any child Willow Wilhelmena that is awful. Wilhelmena is a god awful name. Why can't you say Willow is in her honour as starts with Wil. What about something like Willow Mia, sounds similar

Did his mum pass long ago? Sorry if I missed that. Picking names is hard dh and I really struggled, we could only find one boys name that we liked.

I would let it rest for a few days and then come back to it. I'd encourage him to think about things like how easy will it be for dd to learn and spell her full name. How would she feel if it's talked about in school when she's older and awkward and she needed to share it with her classmates?

I personally don't hate it but I wouldn't pair it with willow. I would encourage him to think of a shortened version or a nickname that his mum got that would still be a lovely think (maybe even more personal that way) and let him think it's his idea. I agree that willow would be a lovely way to honour his mum. It sounds from what you're saying like he's still processing your suggestions so maybe leaving him to think and come back to it will help. I know we amended things a few times and the names I really liked at the start weren't what we liked by the time ds was close to arriving!

I also fwiw love olive as a name.

All these people saying they’ve done it or would do it most definitely haven’t been faced with the name Wilhelmina… absolutely not. I’ve carried my daughter for 9 months gone through the birth and I will do 95% of the childcare and they expect you to use an awful name like that in 2023? No disrespect to his late mum but come on!! Absolutely not. My partner has my last name as his middle name and I wish I’d given it to our daughter too As a middle just because then it ties us all together because o don’t see us getting married.

Sorry, I just read that you have ruled out two second names.
You say you can't abide Willow Wilhelmina.
Starting afresh .. I would use your DD long term surname from birth. It will save her filling out forms forever explaining why her birth certificate differs.

Three logical choices ..
Willow Yourfavesecondname Partnerssurname
Yourfavefirstname Wilhelmina Partnerssurname
Wilhelmina Yourfavesecondname Partnerssurname - Willow as a nick name.

So it's up to you to find the solution; your husband has been accommodated.

Many a slip between cup and lip.

Ah. Okay sorry that doesn’t help then. Willow Willie would definitely not be good..

Willow Wilhelmina would be a bit like Carly Charlotte or Josie Josephine...

Would you consider naming DD Wilhelmina on the BC and calling her Willow?

Or alternatively, could you use his mum's maiden name as a middle name?

Fwiw, I love Wilhelmina. I actually prefer it to Willow...

some people in this thread are annoying , OP said she is not keen on the name Wilhemina, its not a very nice sounding name, its old fashioned
so why would she want to name her child that ! she already paid tribute with Willow which is a beautiful name, and then she can add the middle name as mena ,
if your husbands late mothers name was gertrude or Dorothy would you name your child that just because your dh wants it, i would say hell no

He’s not asking for her to be named that, just that it be used for a middle name, nobody ever uses their middle name so it really doesn’t matter anyway.

YANBU. After reading the whole tread your DP just sounds like the one who is making things hard and is not willing to compromise on anything. You've already agreed to name her Olive, whih wasn't your first name choice, just so he can choose her middle name. When she is born there will be tons of decisions to make and you'll both have to compromise, not only you.

But he is now insisting for her to be named Willow Wilhelmina which is ridiculous. He must be thick to think that's an acceptable name.

I know I'm in the minority here but I can't stand this idea of lumbering a child with a dreadful name to "honour" some dead relative. It's self indulgence by the parent.

Wilhelmina is just awful. Even worse combined with Willow - a lovely modern name followed by an ugly old fashioned one. Initials WW. Strange willawilla sound when you say it. Middle names do matter sometimes. Your full name gets put on formal documents and read out on official occasions. People would struggle not to laugh. Where I work your full name is entered into the directory for everyone to see.

I can imagine people thinking "Willow Wilhelmina - what on earth were her parents thinking?!" Your dh is being selfish.

DH and I agreed that each of us would be able to veto names we didn't like. I'm glad we did, because with hindsight the names I suggested weren't great. Sometimes people get rather unrealistic when we choose baby names, and don't think enough about how it will work for our son or daughter when they're older.

So at first I thought you were being a bit mean...

Then read Wilhelmina and sympathised as yeah Willow Wilhelmina just doesn't work...

Olive Wilhelmina is beautiful though. I really, really like it and I never thought Wilhelmina would appeal to me in any capacity. But that is beautiful and it would work well with a double barrel name too.

I'd go for that and reserve Willow if you're blessed with a future child.

FWIW we had names chosen for all three before they were born. First two were kept but third son had been 'named' Reuben from before the pregnancy test, then he was born and he was just not a Reuben! It took 3 days to find his name and it was one we'd not considered at all and one I'd always actually thought was meh. So try not to lose sleep or get too worked up about it, it's a worry for a day when she's in your arms 💖

I actually think your boyfriend sounds like an unreasonable, uncompromising arse.

Sounds like you're doing all the compromising and getting none of the name !

I double barrelled at the last minute and am SO glad! Doesn't matter that his name is long. Don't give your daughter all 3 names that he wants. You get to put your foot down too.

My grandmother was called Wilhelmina - named for the Kaiser while he was still in favour with Queen Victoria. When I was born my Dad wanted to call me Wilhelmina in her honour.because she was such a wonderful woman.
He and my Mum quarrelled because she thought the name was ghastly. I was taken round to see Gran -.she nearly had a fit when she heard what he intended. She had hated her name her entire life and so a compromise was.reached and I got my great grandmother's name.instead.

I'd struggle with Wilhemena as well.

You could give her three names Willow Rachel Wilhemena Thunder.

Oh gosh, I’m sorry OP, I found reading this thread absolutely HILARIOUS. 🤣 Good luck and keep us updated!!

No offence to any Patricia’s, it’s a name of it’s time like my own name. I’d be surprised (and a bit horrified) if anyone named their baby the same as mine in this day and age. It’s a 60/70’s name and was quite popular so plenty of them around (think Tracy but not that).

After I posted that I thought maybe they called her Pattie which is quite sweet, but maybe not.

she already paid tribute with Willow which is a beautiful name, and then she can add the middle name as mena

ffs will people stop saying this. OP didn’t pick Willow “as a tribute”. It’s not a tribute to MIL, because it’s not her name. Nor is Mena.
OP’s DP has already said these names are not meaningful to him as they are not his late mother’s name. 🤦🏼‍♀️

As I already said upthread I’ve agreed to a name I really dislike as a tribute to my DP’s late grandfather. I wouldn’t accept it as a first name, but I can’t imagine being so callous as to deny him that for a middle name. Middle names aren’t that important. They don’t need to be used and they are usually (and best used as) a tribute to a loved one.

Willow is a top 10 name in the UK so there will be an awful lot of them around. I think you have to think not of a baby with that name but an adult. They used to say in some circles (ok lawyers) that you should only give a child a name that you could imagine a High Court judge having. I can imagine Wilhelmina being a High Court judge a lot easier than I can imagine one called Willow. And as a child she can be nicknamed Willow. There was a very glamourous 1960s model called Wilhelmina.

I got lumbered with my grandmother's name who had died when my father was a child - he misremembered the name though and I got the worst version of what was originally an easy to spell classic name. I have spent my life spelling my name and, although it is a real name, it is constantly misheard as it's rare these days. All things considered I think it better to give a child a nice easy to spell name than lumber them with family names (unless you have nice family names of course.) Wilhelmina has quite a lot of spelling variants too. I was so thankful as a child when we had to embroider our cooking hats with our names that I had a four letter name because my friend Annette had a lot of stitching to do.

With your opening post l thought oh just give her the name but when l heard Willow Wilhelmina it's just not a runner. I love that second name but it can only be with a new first name. Can your dp not see Willow is a shortened version? Is there another first name you like since he is picking the second one? Or use it as a third name
Willow Jane Wilhelmina etc..break it up.
My dd has her Grans name..an awful old-fashioned name and she loves it and often asked why it's not her first name so don't worry about your dd not liking it .

It sounds as though it would mean so much to your DH to have his late mother's name as your daughter's middle name. For this reason alone, I would probably do it. My oldest has the most old manny middle name, it was my dad's name but he sadly passed a few years before my son was born. Although I don't like the name at all, it is lovely to have it as part of my son's name. My youngest has a beautiful middle name but there is no real meaning behind it at all.

Try to focus on the sentiment than the actual name (which I actually think is quite lovely).

Wilhelmina is far better option than Willow, sorry. The later sounds like a stripper pseudonym or a puppy.

Why not just give her the gran's name and use Willa or Willow as a nickname. Then as an adult she will have a dignified name.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune OP knows as we all do that there’s better nicer and prettier names out there than Wilhelmina. It is a horrible name in my opinion and like a previous poster has said who’s to say that his late mum even liked her name. I know I wouldn’t. We aren’t in the 1950s now we are in 2023.

there’s no way I’d give in to this.

Please be aware that if you do 1 name, 2 name, 3 name, last name you are assigning your child a lifetime of nightmares filling out forms. I often find forms won't take my name as it's often 1-3 characters long.