Asking strangers for money, Go Fund Me, just giving etc.

[Cringeworth]

I’ve seen so many fundraising posts on social media, another two this morning for people I don’t know prompted me to do this thread. Some for disabled people, some for pet care, some for funerals, some for charities etc.
I’m not specifically talking about people using their own page, I suppose it’s a good way to reach out to family and friends (I’ve donated to friend’s charity fundraisers this way. I mean news pages, community interest pages etc. reaching the general public.

I have a really strong urge to eye roll when I see people essentially asking strangers to give them money. In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.
Some fundraising for sports/activity clubs too, just give us money. When I was a child we used to do some sort of service to collect money, E.g. bag pack at the local store, clean cars etc.
I know I can scroll past them and I do, would literally be a pauper if I gave to all that I saw. I just hate the default, something has happened let’s set up a fundraising (in some/most cases begging) page.
I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this, so I guess I’m after your views.

AIBU-
YABU- it’s a legitimate way for people to raise money for what they need.
YANBU- there literally doesn’t need to be a just giving, go fund me page for everything, people should take more responsibility for themselves, help should be sought from friends and family not the general public.

Charities ask for money from the general public. If it's small amounts of money people are easily able to afford then I don't see the harm. Not everyone has enough friends and family with enough money between them to reach their goal.

Also, on setting them up at all, many people now have no choice with the state of the NHS for example.

There are people who enjoy giving out money directly to individuals as they have lost faith in government and charitable bodies to get the money for those needed.

Some of the fundraisers are pure cheeky fuckery but that's down to the giver to decide whether to donate.

In principle I agree with the ability to create fundraisers because censoring them can lead to problems if we decide what is a good category and worthy cause and what isn't, who gets to decide? What if the decider has biases or hidden agenda motivating their decision?

The fact you are seeing them more often is a testament of 'cookies', data collection and social media algorithm. I come across such 'begging' lives on TikTok every now and then.

The real concern about such fundraisers that are less scrutinised if at all, is the potential scams and exploitations. There have been cases where the fundraiser cause was completely made up or exploited children or even innocent strangers with no benefit or connection to the sums raised being used to tug on the strings of donors hearts and thus their wallets.

So the concern and focus should be on whether the cause is genuine, as I THINK it's illegal if it's made up or won't go to the said cause (not sure) but whether it's deemed a stupid or frivolous cause or a worthy one is an issue for the donors alone to decide.

So I voted YABU because it's a free country, stupidity and lack of planning isn't a crime AFAIK and someone who struggled with paying for a funeral might see this fundraiser, remember how they struggled and help them. I'm only concerned if there is a scam.

It's people's own money to do whatever they want with, but I often think people are being scammed. Look up the Scamanda podcast eg. An American woman pretended to have stage 4 cancer and took well-meaning people's money. They finally got her for wire fraud, and she's in prison for five years.

I do only give if it's a friend of a friend, family of family link. If someone I know knows the person so I know it is real. Just that one step out from direct friends or family can make all the difference, lots if small donations add up.

I think YABU, if you dont want to give money then dont. I dont think many people can afford to give to every one they see.

On the other side of it...when my son took his life in Australia, Christmas 2020, his ex girlfriend set up a Go Fund Me (I think it was that one) so I could have my boy home.

I will be forever grateful to the family, friends and strangers who donated.

Over £27,000 was raised, which more than covered the cost of his repatriation and funeral.

The remaining money was donated over the next couple of years to various mental health charities and Go Fund Me/Just Giving fundraisers, when suicide was involved.

It's modern day begging and nothing else but you can choose to ignore it .

I only ever give to things I know are true and want to help but overall I find it quite untasteful

I have a disabled child who needed a wheelchair so I worked harder to buy it . End of !

im not on SM so don’t see these but I’d find it a bit depressing -like the cruelty to animals ads on day time tv -I don’t want to be constantly reminded of misery - I give a little to a couple of animal charities.

In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers

You cannot understand how family and friends can’t cobble together thousands of pounds to pay for a funeral? What a lucky position to be in. 🙄

Just to add, I’m not against charitable giving, I choose to support those making a difference in my community (blood bikers, food kitchen, neo-natal unit) and one national charity who helped me when I was unwell. It’s more the incessant nature of lots of posts for everything (e.g. young person died in an accident, all these from the same person’s family, 1st fundraiser for funeral, second fundraiser for designer outfit from ‘inspirational’ designer for them to be buried in, third fundraiser for headstone, fourth fundraiser for charity that helped at scene of accident). I feel for those who need help, but lots just take advantage.
As pointed out there are a lot of scams and I can’t see how these would be vetted. If people just asked those who they know, and people just gave to who they know are genuine it would stop the inroad for scammers.

I guess it's a case of filtering out what is a worthy cause ... but there's no guarantee that the person requesting the money will actually spend it on what they're fundraising for.

There seems to be a number of DIY bands crowdfunding for their costs to write and perform songs -this really gets my goat. They are effectively requesting money from other people to fund their hobby. Most of the output is really mediocre and will never make it into the charts. Grrrr.

I never give to a stranger's GoFundMe - only someone I know.

@Nagado, yes, I’ve seen advertisements for as little as £900, of course some of the fundraising I’ve seen have been for much more ‘high end’. If the friends and family can’t afford it, sometimes the council will pay and claim from the estate. If there is no estate the funeral directors often will agree instalments as long as they get some of the money up front. I genuinely don’t believe that the only option is to set up a just giving page for £10000 like some of the ones I’ve seen. It’s got nothing to do with being in a lucky position.

There's a sub-reddit r/dontfundme dedicated to showcasing the cheekiest

following sudden accident death of their young person, a local grieving family set up a GFM to pay for the funeral. Their target was X and they raised 3X.

How mean of me is to know how they will spend the large extra amount? If you donate after they achieved their target then I assume you are happy if they spend it on a nice family holiday or a new car, whatever they reckon they need. If I raised that extra I would make a statement how I spent it, though.

I don't mind GFM exercises, but I'd like some transparency about what happens to any huge excesses raised.

How do you work more if you are the carer for the disabled person? The husband of my family member with a disability/illness is working for day to day living expenses which are much higher than for a healthy person. Frequent hospital admissions would affect work, and there are costs like parking associated with those.

@Goldenboysmum I’m so sorry for your loss. How utterly heartbreaking.

I’m absolutely not against charitable giving, I don’t know about in Australia, but in the UK there are repatriation charities that can help if anyone found themselves in the same horrendous position as you and I’m sure those assisted would then become lifelong supporters.
My issue with all the fundraising pages is there are so many for everything, it seems to be the default (of course worthiness is a value judgement) and they are unregulated. I would hate to think that someone set up a page fraudulently claiming to be experiencing what you have and you gave to it.

(I know regulation of charities is problematic too and that’s why I tend to give to local ones that I can see make a difference in my community)

So sorry for your loss @Goldenboysmum 💐

I have a really strong urge to eye roll when I see people essentially asking strangers to give them money. In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.

You eye roll away - no one gives a shit whether you're bothered or not. Just don't give - tailor your facebook/social media feed better - or don't spend as much of your time and thoughts on social media.

The last option probably being the best one.

And yep - you do sound smug and fortunate. Not everyone has a few thousand spare for a funeral.

The ones asking for 'equipment to get dad home from hospital' or 'money for rehab' bother me especially when the person in question has only had their stroke, car crash etc a few days ago and family set it up without talking to the staff working with the person. NHS / social services do provide equipment, adaptations and rehab plus at such an early point family have no idea what their needs are.

I'm so sorry for your loss, generic words sound so meh, but I truly am. Much love to you ❤

How do you work if you're a single parent and your child has night time care needs? I used to belong to a group who helped raise money to get a girl a device so she could communicate.

@littleblackcat27 read my response to @Nagado
It has nothing to do with being fortunate, it’s about not leaping to just giving as if it’s the only option.
I’ve seen people have a just giving for funeral costs and go on a lavish holiday abroad, why should generous people pay funeral costs so they can still have their holiday.

I’m not sure why you are calling me smug and it’s up to me what I do with my time. I don’t recall asking for opinions on me, but on the topic of my thread. If my thread triggers you so much for some reason, (and you don’t give a shit) you could feel free to scroll past or perhaps tailor your response to just your last sentence. Have a nice day.

In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.

You can’t see how a family can’t cobble together enough to pay the funeral for an unexpected death? Most of the GFM that I see for funerals are for young people who have died very suddenly. Most people don’t take life insurance until they’ve bought a home or had chikdren and usually life insurance covers the cost. And if that death has been unexpectedly or in tragic circumstances you can’t see how the family might want something more than the most basic of funerals, especially if there are a lot of mourners to accommodate.

How fortunate you’ve never been in such circumstances, how sad you can’t imagine anyone being in a different financial position than you are. You don’t need to give, you can scroll past.