Asking strangers for money, Go Fund Me, just giving etc.

[Cringeworth]

I’ve seen so many fundraising posts on social media, another two this morning for people I don’t know prompted me to do this thread. Some for disabled people, some for pet care, some for funerals, some for charities etc.
I’m not specifically talking about people using their own page, I suppose it’s a good way to reach out to family and friends (I’ve donated to friend’s charity fundraisers this way. I mean news pages, community interest pages etc. reaching the general public.

I have a really strong urge to eye roll when I see people essentially asking strangers to give them money. In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.
Some fundraising for sports/activity clubs too, just give us money. When I was a child we used to do some sort of service to collect money, E.g. bag pack at the local store, clean cars etc.
I know I can scroll past them and I do, would literally be a pauper if I gave to all that I saw. I just hate the default, something has happened let’s set up a fundraising (in some/most cases begging) page.
I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this, so I guess I’m after your views.

AIBU-
YABU- it’s a legitimate way for people to raise money for what they need.
YANBU- there literally doesn’t need to be a just giving, go fund me page for everything, people should take more responsibility for themselves, help should be sought from friends and family not the general public.

@Hairyfairy01 we had one saying family member had a diagnosis and only one in the UK, they are raising £10000, they don’t know what they need yet, but will update people on what they spend it on when they need it. I personally know this family and would have donated, but I’ll donate when they need it, not in advance as a just in case…

Unfortunately those who can afford to give the least often give the most - the poor give proportionally more of their income to charity/a sob story than the wealthy. And people who are more vulnerable are more likely to be taken in.

For every genuine person, there are many more scammers. The internet is a scammer's paradise.

Amanda from Scamanda is in the US but Megan Bahri and her mother scammed thousands in the U.K. for a fake brain tumour and there was a woman called Nicole who lied about having cancer and spent tens of thousands she raised to pay for fake treatments on holidays and luxury goods. I think she ended up in prison.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg.

There are some that are clearly scammy that are easy to avoid. I saw more of these living in Asia. For example, a sidebar ad with a photo of a baby in hospital bed, saying the child will die without treatment.

The ones that wind me up are when people have travelled and had an accident or health incident and they don’t have travel insurance. Or they have limited insurance that doesn’t cover the activities they were doing (e.g. quad biking, jet skiing, skiing off piste, riding scooters without a helmet/drunk/without a valid licence etc). If you can’t afford travel insurance, you can’t afford to travel. And you need to make sure your insurance covers whatever activities you want to undertake.

I hope you never find yourself in a position where the kindness of your community is the only thing that carries you through a completely unexpected death and the chaos it can cause.

I was in that position 18 months ago when my DP died. We hadn’t planned for him to have undiagnosed cancer that metastised to his brain and had been virtually symptomless.

I was immensely grateful and embarrassed at the same time that it was necessary. My friends set it up as DP was well known in the community. It covered funeral costs and enough to help with living costs until I could pull my head out of my ass and start to try and rebuild my entire life.

Have I learned my lesson and prepared for my own possible demise? Well, I’d love to but my business is failing, my mental health is in the toilet and my future is precarious.

Frankly, if these platforms exist and people want to donate so be it. Caveat emptor and all that. It’s not easy and straightforward to achieve financial stability these days, so in times of crisis these things can be particularly helpful.

More “frivolous” causes? So what. Live and let live. The law deals with fraud and scammers.

Like I say, just be grateful you aren’t in a position where you’re dependent on the good will of others for your very survival, even if it’s only for a short time.

I’m about to start leaching off the state now, as for some reason despite best efforts I just can’t make things work. But I’m not going to ask for help elsewhere.

Trust me, if you’re the recipient of generosity due to bereavement you don’t feel good about it, or rub your hands with glee and plot a future dependent on it.

I have no problem them asking no one, including me, is forced to give people can just move on

I’m sort of with you OP. There’s one going round at the moment where the coach is asking for money for a sports trip for a team to the US. On the face of it all very noble and worthwhile, and something I would have considered giving to, had I not known that the students in question are the coach’s son and his 2 close friends (this is not stated anywhere), he earns a shedload of money, AFAIK they’re making no attempt to fundraise by actually doing anything, and the “sports trip” is only one day of a competition where there are equivalent tournaments in the UK and Europe (which they’re not going to- maybe because Birmingham doesn’t have Disney?).

They’re crowdfunding for a holiday which includes 1 day of competition, that’s actually what he’s doing and it stinks. I’m obviously keeping out of it but this kind of behaviour is where I have a problem and people need to treat these things with extreme caution.

Depends on the request really.
I really hate those ‘ donate so I can walk the Great Wall of China for charity ’. Noooo you just want to have a marvellous adventure

I'm with you, OP.

Hopefully with the COL crisis this will mark an end to this- I cannot for the life if me understand why anyone would gift to 90% of these causes.

I've donated to fundraising before when it's someone I know, or there's a link via someone I know.

I don't donate to requests for funds towards funeral costs of young people, as funerals are free for people under 18 in England (used to work in funeral directors). There would be a cost for a headstone if a burial, but you have a year to save up before it can be placed.

Things like funerals or pioneering medical treatment that us only available privately in abroad, I can understand.
When people use GFM for nice things that they can't afford I have less inclination to give. I've seen someone fundraising to take their kids to Disney . Either save up or go somewhere budget friendly like the rest of us have to!

For every genuine person, there are many more scammers. The internet is a scammer's paradise.

Yep, saw this earlier this week

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-66532728

When my eldest (and most feckless) sibling died, his wife asked our family for money to pay for his funeral. I grumbled about that as I was (at the time) a lone parent and she was earning more than any of us. We paid it but I thought less of her for asking.

When my sister lost her DC unexpectedly at 18, we rallied together as a family and paid for the funeral. She could have afforded it but we wanted to help.

I absolutely detest all the social media begging for money in times of tragedy. I'd have prostituted myself or sold a bloody kidney before I'd have allowed public begging to pay for my nephew's funeral. Some people have no shame.

@Jellycatspyjamas look at my response to @Nagado. There are options.
I resent the assumption that because I think the volume of just giving etc. pages is unnecessary (and there are other options, that somehow I am so fortunate and smug). Unlike you, the ones I see are not all unexpected, some who are putting them on are still having holidays, getting new cars etc. It’s my view that if they can afford ‘luxuries’ they should redirect this to their loved ones funeral before asking strangers for money.
I didn’t put this in my earlier post as I didn’t want to be outed on the thread, but I’m from a working class background. We had a family member who had a funeral plan, but she didn’t know it was a scam, her funeral costs were supposed to be covered. They weren’t, we got a measly £150, she had paid more than that, a widow scraping and saving to try to not leave us with the costs. She would be mortified if she knew.
We couldn’t afford her funeral at the time, we made a payment plan with the funeral directors and looked into the options with the council. We absolutely wanted to do more than the payment plan would permit us, so we held a memorial a year later (I happily give up my holiday, social occasions with friends to raise additional money for this). I’m not saying this is what others should do. I would gladly give to a friend who found themselves in the position we did. I just don’t want you to be mistaken that I’m sitting so high up with my fortunate life, looking down on all those with their monetary needs and see just why I think some of the pages and those targeted at strangers are unnecessary.

Pioneering medical treatment abroad was exactly what that woman Nicole I mentioned in my post said she was raising money for. But it was a lie.

If prostitution or selling a kidney had been an option I’d have done it - unfortunately when you’re bereaved suddenly it’s tricky fitting in a session in the red light district while managing the fall out.

Everybody’s life and situation is different and frankly the holier than thou judgement is very distasteful. More distasteful than those getting a helping hand in times of crisis. If you don’t like it don’t get involved. Simple.

Some of the most annoying ones I've seen have been people with high profile Instagram accounts asking for people to contribute to the vet fees when their puppy needs surgery. It's always a puppy they bought from a breeder of course, just seems they failed to think about getting pet insurance or having adequate savings so now their followers should pay £££.

I tend to only donate to small charities and community groups because I know it can be a good way for them to fundraise quickly, and they don't have the man power to do many other fundraising activities.

I don’t see these adverts as charities, they are big business.

I once followed one such charity on companies house, looking up directors with businesses in far off countries to see the huge dividends they were each getting.

Its all a scam, don’t fall for it

@MistressoftheDarkSide see my response to @Jellycatspyjamas I’m not in some fortunate position.

I’m sorry for your loss, and your ongoing struggles. I don’t see any issue with what you have done. Your page was targeted at people who knew your loved ones. I’m not against giving to those who I know who need it.

You are right the law does deal with scammers, but only after they are caught and unfortunately not until they have already ripped lots of people off and a lot of those who give generously struggle. For every genuine case, there are several more scams, or people who ask for more than they need, or expect the public to cover all their costs to ensure they are not out of pocket at all. I’m sure the people who contributed to your loved ones funeral knew you needed it genuinely and were not taking their money whilst booking yourself an all inclusive holiday.

Once again, I’m sorry for your loss and hope you can get the help you need.

I can't see the priblem.if peoo!e want to.give that's up.to.them I personally wouldn't donate to a go.fund me but don't object to other's doing so.

There’s some piss takers for sure.

But when one of my friends died suddenly at 35 I happily helped setup a go fund me and gave to it so his widow wouldn’t have the stress of trying to magic money for the funeral out of thin air whilst trying to manage her 3 young kids.

Sometimes life throws a shit curveball. Why would they be any less worthy than traditional charities.

Thank you for the kind words.

One day I hope to stop feeling like an utter failure in every regard.

I mean it does depend. I know a family who were expecting twins, they lost 1 of the twins due to twin to twin syndrome, the other twin survived but is severely disabled. They set a charity up in his name and do lots of challenges etc to raise money to provide therapy/equipment etc the NHS just doesn't provide, I have no issue donating to these people.

What I have issues with is people who don't buy pet insurance or don't factor in vet bills when they take on a pet, we don't have pets as we don't have thousands to spend on a dog when something happens and the insurance only covers up to x amount. Then there's the accident abroad brigade who take out no insurance, I went travelling for over a year in my 20s I paid for the top insurance to make sure I wasn't left with a bill for thousands or I could get home in the event of an accident. The number of people I met with no insurance was shocking, a friend of mine was seriously attacked (unprovoked) after a night out and he had an ambulance called (he was hit over the head with a metal bar!!), his bill was thousands and he had no insurance, his parents paid it for him. Lots of young people particularly lads will decide not to buy insurance as it's money you pay out but seen to get nothing in return for (unless it goes wrong!). I struggle to sympathise with them when they turn to just giving because they didn't bother with insurance.

Young people don't tend to have life insurance as I guess they don't anticipate death, I'll admit I didn't have life insurance until I bought a house. Maybe these things should be taught in schools more along with learning about money, interest rates, debt, mortgages etc etc.

@MistressoftheDarkSide not sure who your second post was aimed at.

If it was me I’m certainly not suggesting that prostitution or selling organs on the black market should be options ahead of asking others when in need.

I’m not sure where you are getting the holier than thou judgement from. I’m sure you don’t agree with those who set up a page for anything and everything, asking others for money when they don’t actually need it, reducing the amount people can afford to give to those who genuinely do. I’ve already said I’ve given to friends I know are genuine through these pages.

Yeah, it's just pure irresponsibility. It doesn't cost much to have even cheap funeral insurance. We do the right thing by having insurance and preparing, and these people basically get free funerals because they can't be bothered to do the right thing. They're being rewarded for not being responsible. It's unfair and wrong. If it was the unexpected death of a child, that would be one thing. But adults who should know better and should adult properly and plan? No. I won't contribute to their laziness and CFery when I did the right thing and they didn't. Why should they get a free funeral?