Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Asking strangers for money, Go Fund Me, just giving etc.

133 replies

Cringeworth · 20/08/2023 06:13

I’ve seen so many fundraising posts on social media, another two this morning for people I don’t know prompted me to do this thread. Some for disabled people, some for pet care, some for funerals, some for charities etc.
I’m not specifically talking about people using their own page, I suppose it’s a good way to reach out to family and friends (I’ve donated to friend’s charity fundraisers this way. I mean news pages, community interest pages etc. reaching the general public.

I have a really strong urge to eye roll when I see people essentially asking strangers to give them money. In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.
Some fundraising for sports/activity clubs too, just give us money. When I was a child we used to do some sort of service to collect money, E.g. bag pack at the local store, clean cars etc.
I know I can scroll past them and I do, would literally be a pauper if I gave to all that I saw. I just hate the default, something has happened let’s set up a fundraising (in some/most cases begging) page.
I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this, so I guess I’m after your views.

AIBU-
YABU- it’s a legitimate way for people to raise money for what they need.
YANBU- there literally doesn’t need to be a just giving, go fund me page for everything, people should take more responsibility for themselves, help should be sought from friends and family not the general public.

OP posts:

ulrikablanc · 21/08/2023 09:39

Would you rather the genuine people who really need help, could not get that help, in order to eliminate the chancers, cheeky fuckers and scammers?

No of course not, and I will keep supporting genuine people and causes.

I just wish there was something that could be done to check stories were accurate. The Hammond school fees involved over 100 thousand pounds (an awful lot of money), and it's known throughout the dance community that the mother wildly exaggerated the girl's dance talents (she will never be taken on by a ballet company that is generally known) to get the money and omitted to mention her daughter didn't get through the second stage school audition for funding (only the most talented receive this, and if you're talented you will be snapped up, even as an older teenager which she is) and so didn't receive any.

I believe the Go Fund Me is still running as it was bumped up a few months ago to ask for more. They're supposedly on universal credit (which sounds difficult to survive on) but it's funding their holidays and trips.

Fallingthroughclouds · 21/08/2023 09:48

ulrikablanc · 21/08/2023 00:12

The parents then have to keep updating their child's progress on social media to show the donaters that their money is going to a good cause.

The person I mentioned, the one who netted over 100k on Go Fund Me. She needed 90 thousand for three years at Hammond theatre arts, but let it run over saying she might start a fund for other disadvantaged children (the other 20 or so children who were also unsuccessful at Hammond funding audition then!) but this was never mentioned again.

She came back to update earlier this year ('success' at non/minimal selective summer schools and all very average footage) also with a tale about how expensive things are now and begging for more money. She could have taken extra work rather than beg for another couple of thousand.

It's embarrassing and nobody who does these things thinks of the impact on the children.

I don't think it's always scamming but a lot is misleading. The poor single mother and teenager on universal credit talking about going to audition in second hand clothes, but they have an extremely expensive custom made (sewn by Sara if I'm not mistaken) tutu.

It starts to feel like those grifters you see on social media when they're returning for more and more.

I can't believe anyone donated for this. I understand the life saving pleas, for funerals, even for house repossession etc. I don't care what got them in the situation where they don't have the money, I just empathise that they need it. But for a 30k a year arts school, WTG. Why would anyone ask strangers or even friends to pay for this kind of privilege. People can't afford to heat their houses and feed their kids and they are begging for funds for private school. Bloody outrageous.

ulrikablanc · 21/08/2023 10:53

They definitely did, unfortunately. I've just checked and it's still active, the last donation was a couple of months ago. The woman went to the newspapers, lots of them, and to be honest they should have checked her story out for accuracy. It's such a lot of money. I think people were shocked that she came back for more.

£109,042 raised of £90,000 target • 3.6K donations

She keeps calling it a Hammond ballet school, but that's not its name. It's not like Royal Ballet or Elmhurst, it's all dance forms including vocal and theatre and you need to sing as part of the initial audition.

Even the part about winning gold medals at competitions. I know people (this has been discussed in other places) who saw the daughter in the local festivals and they didn't ever see her place in solos. I think there were medals for trios and so on if the sections were small. They said she was below average in ballet, and the Gofundme mother was once told off by a parent whose daughter won a ballet section as she'd been complaining loudly about the adjudicator not knowing anything about ballet as her daughter didn't place.

She also describes her as being a Cecchetti associate (Warrington) with some of the best dancers in country. That associates is now no longer running and it wasn't selective when my friend's child applied, every person who applied was given a place, and they left because the standard (of pupils, not teachers) was so bad, not all of them but enough to make it not very useful.

Just more wild claims and exaggerations to fool people who don't know anything about ballet. The teenager will never make it into a ballet company as she's not good enough you can see that from the videos and photos without knowing the background, but it's all about what a talented ballerina she is.
The mother is supposedly pushy and overbearing in real life, with a thick skin. That might explain in part the motive I suppose.

ulrikablanc · 21/08/2023 12:09

People can't afford to heat their houses and feed their kids and they are begging for funds for private school. Bloody outrageous.

It is. There are far worthier causes that money could have supported.
Many people might like a place at boarding school for their teenagers but only a tiny number will be ever able to self fund and afford it if their children aren't good enough for scholarships or bursaries.

They don't mention she auditioned for funding from the school and didn't get it. And now they're more active on social media, apparently (I haven't looked) which is typical of these grifting types I think.

CrystalCascade · 21/08/2023 19:35

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/08/2023 05:30

There are some outrageous requests and yes, there are and always will be, scammers.

But imagine if we couldn't do this at all.

I would probably have given up work entirely, when I hit the hurdle of needing office equipment to mitigate my disability, that I could not afford even with Access to Work paying for a percentage of it (it was still over a thousand pounds I just did not have). Because I work from home and am self employed, there was no 'employer' to pay for that -so I am penalised yet again for being disabled. If I were employed, I would not have had to pay anything!

A fundraiser meant I got what I needed, and carried on working and.. still am!

Would you rather the genuine people who really need help, could not get that help, in order to eliminate the chancers, cheeky fuckers and scammers?

I wouldn't but obviously, I am biased of course.

You don't have to donate, no ones twisting your arm here - scroll on by if it's not for you.

I do think most of the outrageous chancers get nowhere, you hear about the tiny percentage who do, and they typically have a huge social media network, so most of the money is coming from people they know.

The problem is that the CF's make it harder for people like you!

CrystalCascade · 21/08/2023 19:37

Also @WiddlinDiddlin I think this is one of those problems that can't be solved. As I alluded to earlier. If people want cast-iron proof, official donation or to people that they personally know.
The grifters make it HARDER for people like you to gain traction. We can't solve this problem. But it does.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/08/2023 16:43

Oh absolutely, I suspect I'd have felt far less mortified at the idea of a crowd funder for myself had the concept NOT been closely associated with CF grifters and entitled nobheads!!

Lauryn95 · 23/08/2023 14:43

Ugh a girl I knows boyfriend got into an accident and they started a go fund me as he was out of work and made 15k! Great lovely accept he was only out of work a month or so and so they used the money to pay for a wedding and then "unfortunately" they had a house fire after the wedding nd set up another go fund me and got a further 6k! And got a whole new kitchen I mean idk if I'm right to be suss but I felt as though it was all a big con the second time round at least anyway and now I'm weary of these pages

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6