Asking strangers for money, Go Fund Me, just giving etc.

[Cringeworth]

I’ve seen so many fundraising posts on social media, another two this morning for people I don’t know prompted me to do this thread. Some for disabled people, some for pet care, some for funerals, some for charities etc.
I’m not specifically talking about people using their own page, I suppose it’s a good way to reach out to family and friends (I’ve donated to friend’s charity fundraisers this way. I mean news pages, community interest pages etc. reaching the general public.

I have a really strong urge to eye roll when I see people essentially asking strangers to give them money. In the case of funerals, the only thing certain in life is death, so I’m not sure why people do not prepare for funerals (I get unexpected deaths re: accidents) but I can’t understand that family and friends can’t cobble enough together to cover this. Why ask strangers.
Some fundraising for sports/activity clubs too, just give us money. When I was a child we used to do some sort of service to collect money, E.g. bag pack at the local store, clean cars etc.
I know I can scroll past them and I do, would literally be a pauper if I gave to all that I saw. I just hate the default, something has happened let’s set up a fundraising (in some/most cases begging) page.
I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this, so I guess I’m after your views.

AIBU-
YABU- it’s a legitimate way for people to raise money for what they need.
YANBU- there literally doesn’t need to be a just giving, go fund me page for everything, people should take more responsibility for themselves, help should be sought from friends and family not the general public.

A fairly straightforward funeral is usually around 3000.00 / 4000.00 depending. Direct cremation is around 1500.00 (my Mum had that). A catered wake for around 50 people can be around 1000.00. That covered immediate family and friends in my case. The other 450 people who turned up at my DPs funeral satellited round our favourite local pubs. Much as it should all be personal and intimate sometimes it just isn’t and there are expectations that can’t just be shrugged off in such emotional situations without generating a lot of bad feelings. And frankly when you’ve just been slapped upside the head by Fate, the path of least resistance is easier.

Yes, you can do it “on the cheap” I’m sure, but unexpected deaths are costly apparently, financially and emotionally. Who knew eh?

If it made her feel any better after her loss, why should she be judged?

I would not read any posts like that. I'm sure a small percentage of those asking for money are in genuine need, but there is help available from government/council//charity in those cases. Feckless individuals who can't be arsed/think they're being clever with regard to lack of travel insurance, pet insurance/home insurance/dodgy cosmetic surgery/etc, then no, too bad, deal with the consequences of your actions and ask your friends and family to help, not complete strangers.

Former neighbours of mine set up a fund seeking £15k so they could continue to run their small and extremely indulgent business. They had a home with a small mortgage and a second rental home. The outrage was enormous. They very quickly reduced the amount to £2000k and I think the fund closed at around £750 with them commenting how overwhelmed they were by people's generosity.

Im on the fence. On one hand it's peoples money, and if you can find enough people willing to give you a couple of quid then there's no harm

On the other hand I do eye roll for things like pet care. Why should I pay for something you've chosen to do that you couldn't afford? And yet I feel obligated because I don't want an animal to suffer

I saw one for someone who's house had flooded. Great , except they hadn't insured it. So yes they needed money, they were in a dire situation and had no where to live. But also what the fuck do you expect to happen?

Well, you are obviously not going to donate so just keep scrolling. Some people are desperate.

@Winnipeggy you’re right. I’m not going to donate to the pages of strangers. My thread clearly acknowledges there are genuine people with genuine needs. My issue is with the default ‘something has happened let’s set up a page.’
They are taking advantage of the generosity of others and actually reducing the support available for those who are genuinely desperate. I do give to friends and family who genuinely need it. There’s no way to know when it’s a stranger and there are examples (given by others too) where some people known to the one giving, have turned out to be disingenuous.

I think it will be because she didn’t put on her fundraiser page that it was for a boob job! Perhaps @NewName122 can confirm. If her page did I’m guessing those who gave might have chosen not to.

I understand your point perfectly OP but I think others have jumped to different interpretations.
It's like people just want to rake it in. Whether it's needed or not

I worked with someone who had a fundraiser to take her family for one last holiday to Disneyland Orlando before she died from terminal cancer. I donated to that as did all my colleagues. She had a lovely holiday but she never had cancer in the first place.

@nokidshere i do agree that people can decide whether or not to give. If less people gave to strangers, it would certainly reduce the requests.

I disagree that it’s mostly irrelevant whether or not if it’s a scam. People who have had support can feel compelled to give. People also give in good faith and want to know that what they give is going where it’s intended.

@CrystalCascade thank you. I clearly need more work on my articulation 😂 I’m pleased you understand what I mean.

YANBU

Ballet community examples:

I don't mind giving money to school fundraising as it's in a good cause, but individuals are popping up with the begging bowl out for mostly mediocre children to fund their lessons and summer schools. If they were talented enough they'd have received places, scholarships and funding.

One woman bagged 100k for the Hammond theatre arts school place for her daughter using Go fund me and a sob story. Her daughter attended a funding audition and was unsuccessful as only the most talented receive funding, along with many other children also unsuccessful, the only difference being that she went to the newspapers and set up a 'go fund me'.

The teenager is not bad but an average dancer at best, but the general public doesn't know that. That money ran out and the begging bowl has been back out for more money. Though they also seem to fund trips you wouldn't expect them to be able to afford on universal credit.

I've even seen Go fund me accounts set up for routine dance classes, but they ask for smaller amounts and perhaps that's understandable given the current cost of living crisis.

There is the impact on the privacy of the children featured in these begging accounts. The embarrassment of their peers being aware and their photographs used.

Thing is that I think often the attitude is "well if they can get something, good on them."

It does have an impact though. People who donate because they want to help a genuine need, and are scammed, may not donate the next time-which may be a real need. They may also donate more than they can strictly afford. You can say that's on them, but if they've donated because they've been told lies, then the person is just as much a scammer as that phone call from India, and I'll bet you don't feel a lot of sympathy for them.
Also people who don't go that method, find people judging them for not doing it. You may think that doesn't happen, but it does. I know of a couple of cases where people actually commented to the parent's face "you obviously don't love them as much as others if you won't try to raise the money".

Check my own privilege? 😂 I haven’t got a pot to piss in, I live in a shoebox HA flat on a rough council estate and every single thing we do has to be saved up for way in advance. How’s that for privilege?

My wonderful mum will be having one of those direct cremations when it’s her time, because that £1200 is all we can ‘cobble together’. But that’s not a service with someone saying lovely things about her, or a burial plot or a headstone or a wake. Would I get those things for her if I could? Too bloody right I would. So I don’t blame anyone for wanting to give their loved ones a good send off, especially if they’ve died at an early age. And if their friends and family want to contribute to that, then it’s certainly no skin off my nose. If I don’t want to, I scroll on.

These people aren’t chuggers or beggars. Nobody will be trying to persuade you or calling you names if you don’t give them a few quid. If you don’t want to donate, nobody will think less of you. Nobody will even know.

Also people who don't go that method, find people judging them for not doing it. You may think that doesn't happen, but it does. I know of a couple of cases where people actually commented to the parent's face "you obviously don't love them as much as others if you won't try to raise the money".

Yes, I've definitely heard that. And it's wrong.

Using the Go Fund Me to beg for money for individual children (I'm sorry but that's what it is) is an extreme course to take. Most of us wouldn't do it.

YANBU - my heart goes out to anyone who has needed to run a fundraiser due to bereavement or misfortune, but I can’t stand them in general.

When a relative of mine died suddenly, most of the older family members who could afford it pledged to chip
in to cover funeral costs, but her children insisted on a public fundraiser. They said, why should we all pay for Mum’s funeral when we can get it paid for free. As they had just lost their Mum, we let it go, but it still makes me cringe that random strangers each gave £20, and the only good it achieved was to save a bunch of relatively comfortable family members from dipping into their own pockets to give their sister / cousin / aunt a good send off.

No-one is forced to contribute to these. There are plenty of ways of making money that I see as less ethical.

This is EXACTLY what I mean. And what I think @Cringeworth means too!
I have no problem with people asking, @Nagado for example if you genuinely don't have a pot to piss in and can't find the money as all your family are similar I can understand why you'd do it although I wouldn't donate.

But thinking about the fundraiser I've seen it's like AIBot. People just don't want to pay. It just doesn't sit right with me. Of course, logically speaking it's not wrong. If strangers wanted to give, perhaps the Mum was a teacher/well-known in the community people wanted to help that's on them.

But I doubt that anybody would give if there wasn't a sob story. To beg saying 'we don't have enough money' is an outright lie.

People who fall prey to scams can seek recompense, for Banks etc they are still obliged to do a shitload to give people their money back even if they've been stupid enough to tick 'yes' to all the control questions and give their own money away. I don't like financial institutions. But I don't think the ethical position is 'scams are fine because the people donating fell for it'.

Maybe I am naive, but I have been lucky to benefit from goodwill and pay it forward. People taking advantage just ruins it. That doesn't sit right with me.

@CrystalCascade exactly this.

@Nagado for example if you genuinely don't have a pot to piss in and can't find the money as all your family are similar I can understand why you'd do it although I wouldn't donate Just to clarify, I wouldn’t do it myself. I just wouldn’t judge or get irritated by anyone else doing it.

I'm on the fence about this. I think there are a lot of people who set up these things before they know what the person needs and then the money gets used for something else which understandably makes the people who donated feel like they have been scammed. Not quite the same but I've seen a lot recently where parents organise various fundraising events to fund extra equipment and private therapies for their disabled child. It often seems to involve a lot of effort for little return. The parents then have to keep updating their child's progress on social media to show the donaters that their money is going to a good cause. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier/more cost effective for the parents to have an evening job rather than making endless cakes and doing sponsored mountain climbs etc.

The parents then have to keep updating their child's progress on social media to show the donaters that their money is going to a good cause.

The person I mentioned, the one who netted over 100k on Go Fund Me. She needed 90 thousand for three years at Hammond theatre arts, but let it run over saying she might start a fund for other disadvantaged children (the other 20 or so children who were also unsuccessful at Hammond funding audition then!) but this was never mentioned again.

She came back to update earlier this year ('success' at non/minimal selective summer schools and all very average footage) also with a tale about how expensive things are now and begging for more money. She could have taken extra work rather than beg for another couple of thousand.

It's embarrassing and nobody who does these things thinks of the impact on the children.

I don't think it's always scamming but a lot is misleading. The poor single mother and teenager on universal credit talking about going to audition in second hand clothes, but they have an extremely expensive custom made (sewn by Sara if I'm not mistaken) tutu.

It starts to feel like those grifters you see on social media when they're returning for more and more.

I totally understand why desperate people would turn to strangers in the case of illness/death/disability.

I often find though the most middle class/most comfortably well off are the most entitled/shameless....

A couple in my town who are wealthy and live in an enormous expensive property just set one up to pay for their son to go swimming in Rio.....pay for it your bloody self for crying out loud.

There are some outrageous requests and yes, there are and always will be, scammers.

But imagine if we couldn't do this at all.

I would probably have given up work entirely, when I hit the hurdle of needing office equipment to mitigate my disability, that I could not afford even with Access to Work paying for a percentage of it (it was still over a thousand pounds I just did not have). Because I work from home and am self employed, there was no 'employer' to pay for that -so I am penalised yet again for being disabled. If I were employed, I would not have had to pay anything!

A fundraiser meant I got what I needed, and carried on working and.. still am!

Would you rather the genuine people who really need help, could not get that help, in order to eliminate the chancers, cheeky fuckers and scammers?

I wouldn't but obviously, I am biased of course.

You don't have to donate, no ones twisting your arm here - scroll on by if it's not for you.

I do think most of the outrageous chancers get nowhere, you hear about the tiny percentage who do, and they typically have a huge social media network, so most of the money is coming from people they know.