Husband won’t go to sister’s wedding without my stepchild

[TheOriginalGilmoregirl]

Just in a mess over something that should be joyful.

Happily married for 8 years. Child going into Reception. Stepchild early secondary.

Husband and ex have excellent Co parenting relationship. It was never 50:50 as husband worked away and now works away a lot less but stepchild obviously has a life with shows and dance classes etc. so comes regularly but not as often as they did say pre-covid.

My parents were always pleasant but rarely saw them to form a relationship. Husband asked if stepchild could be included in holiday and offered to pay, my parents insisted on paying and had a reasonable time. Stepchild and our child have birthdays a couple of weeks apart and when my child was two requested that my parents not be invited for a joint meal as they don’t bring a present for stepchild. Both children would have had parties with friends and stepchild with their mother.

So my actual AIBU. My sister is getting married, usual wedding, parents on each side paying third, they’re paying third. I am chief bridesmaid, daughter flower girl. Massively excited, involved in everything. Looking forward to seeing cousins and staying in hotel and then going away with cousins and our kids.
My stepchild is not invited. I was not shocked, my sister barely knows them and BiL has never met them. They will be spending the week before solely with their Dad and week before that with all of us. The weekend of the wedding back with mum.
My husband has declined his invitation because stepchild is not invited. I said they wouldn’t be around that weekend. He said ex would happily give them the time as has happened in the past.

My sister just won’t invite them when I asked as they could be with mother. Both she and BiL feel that husband is being weird about it and won’t budge.

Totally different situation.

Your sister is being unreasonable. Stepchild is off of your family unit now and you should treat them as such.

*part of

Your family sound horrible. Your step child is part of your family unit and should be invited.

I agree with your husband and if my brother or sister didn’t invite my step child to their wedding I would be refusing to attend also.

my sister barely knows them and BiL has never met them

Why?

You've been married for 8 years. Must have known him for a bit before that.

So, why has BIL never even met him ? Do you not see them often? Perhaps they're far away...?

Is this really that strange? I would have zero interest in getting to know a stepchild of my sister. The child is nothing to do with my sister biologically and nothing to do with me - the child is only in her life because of her choice to marry the father.

In that sort of set up, plenty of people who get divorced themselves have no contact with the ex-step children.

I mean if I happened to be present on family occassions where a stepchild of my sister was I'd be polite and interested as I would be with any child at a party - but in terms of developing a relationship, 'getting to know' the step child or having much to do with them, honestly I wouldn't give a shit.

Is that really so odd?

Exactly. That’s not even remotely the same.

What's the saying, 'it's an invitation not a summons'.

Your husband clearly is aggrieved at the way your family have behaved towards his child, your stepchild and is making it known.

Actually sounds like it's your family who are being 'weird'.

Even before he lived with me and I was just in a relationship with his father he was treated as part of the family.

Because he was.

WRONG.
The step child isn’t her child and does not need to be invited to every little thing.

OP has disappeared, so I don't know if this thread is genuine, but in case it is ....

Stepchild and our child have birthdays a couple of weeks apart and when my child was two requested that my parents not be invited for a joint meal as they don’t bring a present for stepchild Your parents wouldn't even stick a tenner in an envelope?

My sister just won’t invite them when I asked as they could be with mother. Lame excuse

Both she and BiL feel that husband is being weird about it and won’t budge how stubborn and unkind

If you are only invited to see one of them and have no relationship with the other then yes.

If you went to a joint birthday party for a kid and only knew one kid and not the other you wouldn’t buy one for the other, you would buy it only for the kid you are invited to see!

I don't get why your parents wouldn't bring a gift for your step child that's cruel I'd bring a gift for a non related child in these circumstances just as a normal visitor.
Is there a reason why they were not included in the family before

Yes that’s absolutely horrible. Do you not know any of your in-laws then? They are only family because you got married. Do you not know your siblings partners or aunts and uncles by marriage? You sound horrible!

Your DH is right and your sister is a cery nasty person. Your stepchild is YOUR CHILD and should be invited wherever you are

What bullshit! The stepchild is absolutely not OPs child!

Why would a kid who is presumably 11/12 have the slightest interest in attending a wedding for someone he/she barely knows?

Your Dh is a twat.

Would they not invite your DH if they’d only met him a few times? Your step son is your family regardless of how your sister feels. Personally I would refuse to go too.

Why have OPs family gone to great lengths to exclude her stepchild? Horrible people.

I doubt OP will be back as she’s rightly been called out for her weirdo family.

It’s the same for my family. My parents aren’t grandparents to my brother’s stepchild, and I’m not his aunt. Tbh in my experience it’s the same with other people I know whose sibling/children have stepchildren. It really isn’t unusual at all.

I really don’t care if you consider that horrible.

I’d say it’s OP and her family who are the twats actually. Don’t marry someone if you don’t want to include their child in your family unit, it’s not difficult!

Of course your sister is BU. Your stepson is part of your family, whether she (or you) likes it or not. I would 100% also decline to go in your H's position. I think you are being a bit shitty to not be more supportive/ have a word with your sister.

This. He's controlling AND a drama llama. DSD already has 2 families. Nobody's entitled to 3.

Also, his sister-in-law isn't an appliance he gets to turn on whenever he wants something just because she has a vagina.

Another plop and run thread.

Light the touchpaper and go.

It’s not every little thing it’s a big family wedding where his step sister is flower girl

And I don’t care what you think either. As I said, do you not bother with anyone related to you by marriage then? How is that magically different? Should in-laws not bother with you as you aren’t a ‘blood relative.’

Actually the norm is for stepchildren to be included as part of the family unit. I don’t know any families who treat the stepchildren differently and we have stepchildren in my own family who are loved and included. Maybe shitty people stick together tho if you know so many who treat stepchildren like this.

Your family sound horrible 😔