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Original poster

To want to run away?

167 replies

Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 10:13

I’m only 19 but I’ve already messed up my entire life, I’ve been struggling for weeks but now everything has gone wrong this morning. I’ve messed up my entire life, I have no one to talk to about it. I feel like running away is the only option. Sorry I just need a rant but I do feel like running away is the only option

OP posts:
CravingASpiraBringThemBack · 19/08/2023 19:38

@Orangeandredclouds tell us what you have done and we might be able to help. What rash thing?

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 19:54

I’ve ran away but not the worst kind of running away as I’ve gone to a hotel nearby so not too far away

OP posts:
CravingASpiraBringThemBack · 19/08/2023 20:03

That is probably the best thing you could have done. Take a massive step back and get your head straight. Relax, eat and sleep. Do you feel better for being away from your home?

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:35

CravingASpiraBringThemBack · 19/08/2023 20:03

That is probably the best thing you could have done. Take a massive step back and get your head straight. Relax, eat and sleep. Do you feel better for being away from your home?

To be honest I don’t feel much better, I’m still crying

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:36

I wish I could talk about the other reasons (as there’s a few more issues than just my a levels and the drugs situation) why I wanted to run away but I’m worried people will judge or think I’m a failure. I still feel like a failure to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:45

Hadtojoinin · 19/08/2023 17:47

I never post but just wanted to tell you two things that you should remember for the rest of your life. The secret to success is making mistakes. We all make mistakes, but what is important is that you reflect on your mistakes and try to learn from them. If you can make mistakes and then use them as teaching opportunities you will emerge stronger and better than if you had not made any mistakes. People who do not reflect on their mistakes or learn from them will repeat them. The second thing I want you to remember is to speak about yourself and to yourself in a respectful manner. If you are not kind to yourself and respect yourself and love yourself no one else can. You have grown up in a difficult environment so you will not have absorbed these life lessons from people in your life. Nonetheless, you are young and smart and you can learn these lessons now. Don’t worry about the past, it’s the present and future that are important. Huge hugs to you.

Thank you so much. I do still feel like such a failure though. Can’t stop crying, just feel upset all the time at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:50

Kangaroobrain · 19/08/2023 17:12

Apologies if you've already mentioned it OP, but were you hoping to go to uni with the A levels? You could still try the clearing process - you might be pleasantly surprised as some universities still offer places to people without the grades. And some universities offer a foundation year which would be in place of A levels.

You're not a failure, OP. No one is. You're just going through a rough time, but it's not a reflection of who you are.

Yes I did want to go to uni but I think I have a plan now, thank you to @LoserWinner for kindly helping me

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:52

LoserWinner · 19/08/2023 16:55

Have a good cry - it helps. You’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a bit. Then wipe your eyes, blow your nose, and set about getting things sorted out. Everyone fails sometimes. The solution is to move on from the thing you failed at, and become a success.

Show quote history

There’s a lot more issues than the ones I’ve mentioned on this thread but I don’t know how to explain them without people judging etc

I don’t think I will sleep much tonight as I just can’t stop crying

OP posts:
Gazelda · 19/08/2023 20:53

This sounds promising OP. A plan is always a good thing. Take it one step at a time.

In the meantime, do you think it would be a good idea to message your grandparents to say you've gone away for a few days so they don't worry about you? It would be kind if you could, and would prevent another lot of worrying.

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:58

Gazelda · 19/08/2023 20:53

This sounds promising OP. A plan is always a good thing. Take it one step at a time.

In the meantime, do you think it would be a good idea to message your grandparents to say you've gone away for a few days so they don't worry about you? It would be kind if you could, and would prevent another lot of worrying.

I have messaged them and they replied but it was an angry reply that they sent me

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:59

There’s other things on my mind and other reasons I want to run away as well but I don’t know how to explain them as there’s so much on my mind and I worry people will judge or think I’m insane or think I’m a failure

OP posts:
CravingASpiraBringThemBack · 19/08/2023 21:01

Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 20:36

I wish I could talk about the other reasons (as there’s a few more issues than just my a levels and the drugs situation) why I wanted to run away but I’m worried people will judge or think I’m a failure. I still feel like a failure to be honest

You won’t be judged. If it will help to say on this thread then say.
No matter what you think, you are not a failure. You are young with a future stretched out infront of you. Everybody makes mistakes, it makes you human, not a failure.

whatwhatwhywhen · 19/08/2023 21:02

I'm rubbish at helping with stuff like this but I wanted to say that I'm autistic and at 18 I did some really really REALLY stupid stuff. Stuff I'm too ashamed to even think about 30 years later. I could have so easily ended up dead or in prison for a very long time.

You need to forgive yourself. Our brains are not fully developed until we are 25 which is why young people do such daft things! Add into that autism and you have NO reason to feel bad.

As the previous wise poster said, you need to use this as a learning exercise (sadly took me a while to learn). Doesn't matter what you've done, you're clearly sorry, so I won't judge you.

I wish I could give you a hug. Sending you a virtual one instead.

Anothermother3 · 19/08/2023 21:15

Are you classed as having been in care? (with your grandparents) as then you should have access to support as a care leaver.
In many places there are counselling and support services for up to 25 I don’t want you to say your area too closely but have a look it would be good if you could find someone to talk to who is objective and supportive.

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 21:27

CravingASpiraBringThemBack · 19/08/2023 21:01

You won’t be judged. If it will help to say on this thread then say.
No matter what you think, you are not a failure. You are young with a future stretched out infront of you. Everybody makes mistakes, it makes you human, not a failure.

Show quote history

I’ll try and explain the other things that are going on/on my mind in a minute

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 21:28

I have so many horrible thoughts in my head right now to be honest

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 19/08/2023 21:28

OP I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult and overwhelming time, it’s hard to go through any one of the things you have mentioned but for all of them to hit at the same time is truly awful and I can only imagine how stressful it is for you.

One bit of advice which could be hugely helpful for you if available in your area is see if there is a 24/7 number locally for someone or some organisation you can speak to about all of these things. It is dangerous to “run away” on your own, you need to make sure you stay safe and look after yourself. If there is a number locally for you that would be great and they will be able to give specific advise confidentially, plus speaking about it all out loud may help you more than you think & they will be able to point you towards specific local support. I know my local area has one and I do believe in recent years most areas do have one now so have a little look online, some also have a webchat option if you don’t feel up to speaking on the phone! But they will be able to provide much better specific advise safely and confidentially, as you will be able to give personal details to them which it is simply not safe to do on mumsnet x

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 21:54

I’m actually done, I can’t stop crying, another one of my friends has just phoned me going mad and saying horrible things to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 21:55

i can’t go on like this. Everything is too much. My head is just becoming full of horrible thoughts as well

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 19/08/2023 22:02

OP please call a support number and speak to somebody about all of this now, CALM have a 24/7 number for you to speak to somebody, as do the Samaritans. If you don’t feel able to speak on the phone, there is an organisation called “shout” which provide support via text.

If you google these organisations you will find the numbers, please call one of them so you can speak confidentially and safely with somebody who is able to help you, even if that help if just a listening ear and a friendly voice.

Take care of yourself, and remember, this is just a bad time not a bad life. You will get past this and you will be so so proud of yourself when you do. X

Seaswimmingforthesoul · 19/08/2023 22:03

Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 21:55

i can’t go on like this. Everything is too much. My head is just becoming full of horrible thoughts as well

If you're having horrible thoughts about hurting yourself, please call 999 and ask for some help ❤️

I PROMISE you things can and will get better. Its so hard to see the wood for the trees now as you've had such a horrible time but things WILL calm down xx

Original poster
Orangeandredclouds · 19/08/2023 22:27

I think I’ll be ok just about for tonight at least. Would anyone on here judge if I was to explain everything else that has gone on/is on my mind? I just worry people would judge or think I’m a failure?

OP posts:
LaMaG · 19/08/2023 22:40

Just tell us OP, remember this is all anonymous. It will be good to let it out.

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2023 22:40

If you’d like to say what’s on your mind I am happy to listen and not judge. I think most people do try to be kind. Bear in mind of course that this is a public forum - you are anonymous, so that’s good, but you can’t control who sees what you write here and no one can promise you everyone will be sympathetic. But I’d hope they would be.

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2023 22:41

And honestly you MUST stop worrying about being “a failure”. No 19-year-old is “a failure”. I can tell you that for certain.

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