To want to run away?

[Orangeandredclouds]

I’m only 19 but I’ve already messed up my entire life, I’ve been struggling for weeks but now everything has gone wrong this morning. I’ve messed up my entire life, I have no one to talk to about it. I feel like running away is the only option. Sorry I just need a rant but I do feel like running away is the only option

How about you make a list, with more than one possible solution against each one before going to the next?
Bet that list will end up a lot shorter than it feels like in your head right now.

People overreact so hard in the moment. They love you and are sad and probably frustrated that they didn't see you were struggling and couldn't help. It's horrible but give them a bit of time and start thinking whether you really felt your courses suited you, or whether resits are the right option. Alternatively there are apprenticeships, work to train, foundation years - loads and loads of options that will take you to where you are meant to be. Even free training at home - I did a project management qualification through the skills network last year that was government funded. It is an A-level equivalent and I am very proud of it.

This is a time when employers are really focused on helping young people to learn and develop, so that there are lots of choices - just breathe through those first two weeks and you'll find the sunshine from there.

Everything just feels so much, like running away has become the only option

Talk to your family. If you were my child, I would desperately want you to talk openly to me. Please give it a go.

Can you still do apprenticeships at 19? Sorry I’ve not researched it fully yet so not sure, sorry

I’ve tried to talk to the people I live with, I don’t live with my mum though

I think you need to start looking at realistic options. I have an autistic teen and I know how intensely he can feel things but running away will just cause a whole new set of problems. Where will you live? How will you live? Like someone said break down your problems and brain storm solutions. Focus your mind on either further education or finding a job. Being busy will give you less time to ruminate too.

Ok, failed as in UUU or failed as in ‘lower grades than I needed/wanted’? If UUU, there’s a lot more going on, and your college and family must be very confused that they didn’t see this coming, and there must be some pretty serious reasons why things went so badly wrong for you. Maybe you need to address those things first?

I’m a secondary/6f teacher - PM me if you want some advice.

Access courses are available.

My DD1 took one because she didn't get the grades at A level that she needed - one year attending a different college, meeting other people and she got onto the same course she originally wanted and ended up with a first class honours.

DD2 wasn't interested in A levels, did a BTEC, got into university with that, has just completed her Masters and is now planning several different paths to see the best way for her to get her PhD. She has AuDHD.

There are apprenticeships, BTECs/vocational qualifications and work with training. All of these are perfectly valid routes.

For me, I did A levels, had a baby (not planned), failed an access course, worked, claimed benefits, had another baby, took Open university courses, got my qualifications that way and now have a bunch of professional qualifications that cover a sheet of A4 if I list every certificate awarded. So they took a less convoluted route than I did, but still didn't progress in that linear way that is assumed to be the only route to the future.

You're 19. This is not the rest of your life permanently destroyed; it's the start of your future, and it can take many different routes - the more obvious path isn't always the one we take. Rather than running blindly into the distance, stop, breathe, think and look for the less obvious paths.

I am sorry op. Definitely PM @LoserWinner to help you. 💐💐

Where would you run to?

You need to speak to your family and friends and explain but if you’re ready for a change then it wouldn’t be the worst idea to move away for a fresh start.

You can look into doing an access to HE course.
This would allow to go to uni where you’d be able to live in halls/shared housing.

Failed as in UUU. That’s only one reason why I want to run away though. I’ve sent you a PM also.

My A levels are not the only reason I’m sad and want to run away, there is lots of other reasons too

You have so many options open to you that you don’t need to worry about the results and yes an apprenticeship could be great for you. With the other reasons you say people are angry, this will blow over in time. Is it something you can fix or are they angry because they think you have lied? Either way you probably won’t even remember what it was all about 5 years from now. You say you don’t live with your mum, can you talk to her or go and see her?

I mean this nicely, but running away won't solve anything. It will just make your life harder.

Write down a list of all your problems.

Also write down a list of what you do have - there will be something, be it "I'm good-looking", "I'm really good at drawing", "I have a driver's licence", "I can cook well".

Now compare the two and see whether there is anything in your first list that the second list can help with. For example, if you need money and you can drive, can you work as a delivery driver, just to get on your feet. Or if you can cook, can you take on a role in a restaurant kitchen and see whether you can get trained up. Or if you need somewhere to live and you have internet access, can you look at flat/ house shares.

As for other people, they fall into two categories: those who'll come round and forgive you, over time, and those who weren't worth your time in the first place.

@Orangeandredclouds - easier for me to say, but don't worry. A-levels - they can be re-sat or you can look to follow a different path, eg Open University, Degree Apprenticeship, job.

Relationships with family and friends can be re-built. You need to be honest with them about how you are feeling. But firstly, please make an appointment to see your GP to talk about wanting to run away/hide. It's important to get help to ensure your mental health stays in balance. It might be helpful to talk to them about the other things in your life you have been downplayed to family and friends.

Please open up to someone and talk through your feelings, reactions and way forward.

Hope things work out for you and you feel more positive about things soon

They are angry because they think I lied

Do you want to talk about what has happened and then maybe someone can give you some advice that will help.

I think you need to sort out the issue with your family and then look into an apprenticeship or education.

I literally have no one to talk to about anything, it’s just me and me only

I don’t even know where to begin with explaining everything as there’s so much that has happened

Firstly big hugs. I can assure you that everything seems the end of the world right now but it really isn't. You can tackle one thing at a time. There are SO many options regarding schools, so that is something that can be worked around. What else do you feel has gone wrong if you don't mind talking about?

You're 19. The only way you can ruin your life at 19 is if you murder someone and end up with a life sentence.

So unless you have done something that is going to land you a long stint in prison, your life is not ruined in the slightest.

You just need to think about things in another way. Failure isn't a bad thing. It means you found out that academic crap isn't for you (I'm a teacher BTW and teach A Level...). One door closes so another will open. Failure is often a blessing in disguise.

Have a look at the careers service webpage:
https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/explore-your-education-and-training-choices/apprenticeship?utm_source=google&utm_medium=search_ad&utm_campaign=GTJ_p5_always_on&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0IGnBhDUARIsAMwFDLmLDiINc6HUFYFqC2sB8v7ezfNEjSBkC2TB-GBXEt2Qy1uqhgx6TVIaAmQYEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

As for upsetting people, then if you think an apology is owed, then apologise. If they're decent people they'll forgive you. If they don't forgive you, then it's not the end of the world. There are so many lovely people out there.

I failed one of my 2nd year university exams so had to re-sit the following year. I passed the rest so there was no point resitting the year, so I took a gap year and got a job. It meant I had so much work experience when I finished uni that I found it far easier than the others to get interviews. So what at the time felt like the end of the world and a life fuck up was actually a good thing.

Just believe in karma and fate...

You say they think you lied.

Why do they think you lied?

OP, you seem focussed right now on having disappointed other people - who may think they know what's best for you, and possibly from a place of love - but what do you want?

If you feel like you've got rock bottom, the only way is up from here. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, but you have options. You must be fairly bright, or you wouldn't have been trying for A Levels in the first place.

I would highly recommend your local careers service, or you can contact this organisation by email, if you don't feel able to phone. They will be able to advise you on resits, apprenticeships (my friend has just started on at the age of 43!) and other training and education opportunities that you might not be aware of.

As far as your family are concerned, might it help to write a letter explaining why you did and said what you did, and explain you didnt want to worry them? You might not want to give it to them, and that's OK - it might help you to work out your feelings, and what you want from your relationships with them.

I don't think running away is the right choice right now - it's only going to cause more stress with your family, and could leave you vulnerable. Take care of yourself, you've had a rough few days and you won't be in the right headspace to move on if you're not eating or sleeping properly.

Oops. Link: https://www.cxk.org/services/career-guidance/