To want to run away?

[Orangeandredclouds]

I’m only 19 but I’ve already messed up my entire life, I’ve been struggling for weeks but now everything has gone wrong this morning. I’ve messed up my entire life, I have no one to talk to about it. I feel like running away is the only option. Sorry I just need a rant but I do feel like running away is the only option

All my friends are currently mad at me though, literally everyone

@Orangeandredclouds

Your friends aren't the universe. They can be angry at you and they may have reasons to be angry at you but they don't define you. Whatever has happened isn't the end of the world- I promise. You will meet other friends.

Going abroad was what I thought of earlier instead of running away but I don’t know how I would do it

Just give it time as PP have said.

Focus on improving yourself for now.

If moving away is what you want to do then definitely go for it but you are vulnerable and need to do it in a sensible way.

The first thing you need to do is get a job, even if it’s part time for now.
You can then start saving up ready to move away.
You will need money and a job if you move and doing it now will be a good start.

What was the plan for September?

I still have the idea of running away on my mind to be honest

I'm 54 OP and what l have learnt is that life always has a way of working out.
When things have gone wrong for me l ask myself what's the best thing l can do for myself right now?

Nothing is ever as bad as what it seems.
Life very rarely goes to plan, but there's always different options to get to wherever you want to go. If you keep trying your best you can never fail.
Exams aren't everything, many employers prefer experiance. If you can get a foot in the door somewhere you can work yourself up. Most of my friends didn't achieve high exam results, but they got on through hard work and a good positive attitude, those two things will take you far in life.

Start at the start, what would be the steps? Pick a place, see what it would cost to get going. Anything is possible, really. I worked abroad, it was a bit mad but it was fine. It was a crappy job in an English speaking country, but I certainly learned lessons from it. And it paid the rent. Anything is possible, you might have to go in roundabout ways, but you can do anything. Massive hugs to you, you've been through a lot. Mind yourself, and be proud of yourself x

Also thank you @LoserWinner for letting me PM you and for helping me to come up with a plan to still get a good job/career even though I failed my A levels, I really do appreciate your help honestly

There are more reasons why I want to run away though. It is not just the drug situation and failing my A levels, there is other reasons as well

As PP said, look on it as a fresh start rather than running away. A new chapter. You're already seeming more positive now on the thread so a great start. Best of luck to you!

One of my friends has literally just rang me now again going mad at me, literally just got off the phone with them now after they rang me

If people didn't care then they wouldn't bother getting mad.

Not much of a friend then, are they? Just keep repeating ‘I need your understanding and help, not your blame’.

I literally can’t stop crying now. I know I’m
not a failure but I do feel like one big failure

Have a good cry - it helps. You’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a bit. Then wipe your eyes, blow your nose, and set about getting things sorted out. Everyone fails sometimes. The solution is to move on from the thing you failed at, and become a success.

You are NOT a failure! Do nice things for yourself atm, you're not in the best form so just focus on looking after yourself. No big decisions, one foot in front of the other. You'll come out the other end at some stage, just do 'now' at the minute.

Apologies if you've already mentioned it OP, but were you hoping to go to uni with the A levels? You could still try the clearing process - you might be pleasantly surprised as some universities still offer places to people without the grades. And some universities offer a foundation year which would be in place of A levels.

You're not a failure, OP. No one is. You're just going through a rough time, but it's not a reflection of who you are.

Thank you. I’ll reply to your PM later, hopefully I won’t be as upset by then. Thank you again

I’ve lost all my friends just because I downplayed a few parts of what had happened because I wanted to protect them from worrying about me. This is why I’m a failure

Friends come and go. You'll make more. Just keep going, a day at a time. And, if possible, stop being so hard on yourself.

And stop using the 'f' word. You are a ball of potential!

I never post but just wanted to tell you two things that you should remember for the rest of your life. The secret to success is making mistakes. We all make mistakes, but what is important is that you reflect on your mistakes and try to learn from them. If you can make mistakes and then use them as teaching opportunities you will emerge stronger and better than if you had not made any mistakes. People who do not reflect on their mistakes or learn from them will repeat them. The second thing I want you to remember is to speak about yourself and to yourself in a respectful manner. If you are not kind to yourself and respect yourself and love yourself no one else can. You have grown up in a difficult environment so you will not have absorbed these life lessons from people in your life. Nonetheless, you are young and smart and you can learn these lessons now. Don’t worry about the past, it’s the present and future that are important. Huge hugs to you.

I’ve done something bad over the past hour and I now don’t know what to do

I just ended up so upset about everything and I’ve done something rash

@Orangeandredclouds what have you done?