Page 3 | Why do men do this???

Parrrrple · 2023-08-19T08:40:56+00:00

We need to be somewhere by 11.it’s an hours drive. I wanted to set off at 9am as that will give us time to get parked, get something to eat etc … DH thought that was too early so we compromised on 9:30. He’s dat doing nothing until 8:20 at which point I reminded him he needs to start getting ready. 9:30 arrives and at this point he decides he needs a poo and a shave. Why????

CalistoNoSolo · 19/08/2023 10:12

Clickandcollect82 · 19/08/2023 09:50

“Men” don’t “do this”

Your DH does this

Exactly this.

GreyCarpet · 19/08/2023 10:12

men dont do this. Your husband is doing this. Dont accept shitty behaviour because you think it is all men who do this. It isnt.

This.

Why do women accept useless, shitty, lazy behaviour from men?

Oh that's right, women don't. Some women do.

Gerrataere · 19/08/2023 10:13

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/08/2023 10:02

I mean my dad now as an elderly person.

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Ok, but even without kids (and this applies to the other poster who quoted me) there is often a mental load before leaving the house. The plan for the day, knowing how and when you’re going, what needs to be taken (hospital letters, day bag, shopping items etc). How much of this do men prepare for? I think this thread is a classic example of simply not seeing the mental load put on women in terms of life admin in comparison to men. That men are highly likely to think or do less when they have a woman to do or think for them outside of work.

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 19/08/2023 10:14

I know right. It's batshit isn't it @WandaWonder

Suggesting a man is controlling and manipulative because he needed a last minute 💩as they were due to go out is farcical!

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 19/08/2023 10:16

@Gerrataere If the woman in any given scenario is doing everything before any planned event - all the mental load and admin and physical stuff needed, and all the planning etc..., and letting her husband/partner do nothing, then more fool her frankly. She's literally bringing it on herself.

Women are their own worst enemies.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 19/08/2023 10:20

oviraptor21 · 19/08/2023 09:50

Just go without him if he's not ready at the agreed time.

This. You agreed to leave at 9.30, so you leave at 9.30. Not your problem if he can’t get himself organised.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 19/08/2023 10:20

Helenahandkart · 19/08/2023 09:51

Might not be a control thing. With my DH it’s an ADHD thing.

My son does this. Its very infuriating and yes it could be because of ADHD

Tenegrief · 19/08/2023 10:20

I'm also not sure it's a man thing (I can be very last minute) or a control thing but it's definitely fucking annoying. My DP always does this - he views getting ready as a) something that has to happen 5 minutes before we're due to leave and b) something that he only needs to worry about himself for... He forgets that leaving the house with 2 kids requires getting them ready too (so, invariably, I'm left getting stressed sorting 3 people out while he saunters off casually for a shower 5 MINUTES BEFORE WE NEED TO GO).

We were going out yesterday and he kept saying 'I'm ready, I'm waiting for you', while scrolling his phone. While I did all the stuff. Then just as we were about to leave he made a take away coffee.

Grrrrr.

DaddyPigMustDie · 19/08/2023 10:20

My DH is like this and yes it does make me very angry. Many days out begin with me seething 😏

I'll get absolutely everything organised, 3 kids ready, everything packed and in the car etc and be waiting. He'll saunter down 10 minutes after we were supposed to leave and start faffing around putting his shoes on. For added rage sometimes he'll ask 'how can I help?'

He's been like this for the 19 years we've been together, he won't change. It is hard to live with though.

And as for the last minute poos, it's not that. Me and the 3 kids have all managed to get dressed, go to the toilet, pack bags, and get in the car for the alloted time. ALL he has been asked to do is get himself ready to leave for X time. He's had the whole morning and there's no reason (barring IBS or something) that he has to choose that exact moment to have a leisurely shit.

Clickandcollect82 · 19/08/2023 10:24

DaddyPigMustDie · 19/08/2023 10:20

My DH is like this and yes it does make me very angry. Many days out begin with me seething 😏

I'll get absolutely everything organised, 3 kids ready, everything packed and in the car etc and be waiting. He'll saunter down 10 minutes after we were supposed to leave and start faffing around putting his shoes on. For added rage sometimes he'll ask 'how can I help?'

He's been like this for the 19 years we've been together, he won't change. It is hard to live with though.

And as for the last minute poos, it's not that. Me and the 3 kids have all managed to get dressed, go to the toilet, pack bags, and get in the car for the alloted time. ALL he has been asked to do is get himself ready to leave for X time. He's had the whole morning and there's no reason (barring IBS or something) that he has to choose that exact moment to have a leisurely shit.

what kind of family day out is that? A mother seething at a thoughtless selfish father.

why have you endured this and subjected your children to it - for 19 years

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 19/08/2023 10:25

My DP doesn't usually do this, usually he's the one outside by the car 20 mins before we agreed to leave huffing and puffing and trying to rush everyone along. Which inevitably leads to me forgetting something crucial, like event tickets or my wallet, because he's not just letting me think straight for 5 minutes and get organised.

Completely bizarre exception is I went to the Dr's recently, who told me I had to go straight to A&E, immediately. We were in our van, which doesn't fit in the hospital car park, so did the 5 minute journey home to change to the car. I'm sat in the car waiting and panicking, no sign of him, go in, he's had a shower, got changed, and was sitting on the toilet having a leisurely crap. I was genuinely speechless. I've no idea what the fuck he thought he was doing.

Gerrataere · 19/08/2023 10:26

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 19/08/2023 10:16

@Gerrataere If the woman in any given scenario is doing everything before any planned event - all the mental load and admin and physical stuff needed, and all the planning etc..., and letting her husband/partner do nothing, then more fool her frankly. She's literally bringing it on herself.

Women are their own worst enemies.

Women have been conditioned for millennia to be caretakers of men and family, it is not something you simply snap out of as a collective. To think it’s a woman’s fault she’s been conditioned to be like this is quite frankly misogynistic and naive. But we are seeing more and more women becoming very fed up of the very real male behaviour of using women as essentially a household secretary where their only concern is the importance of their own time in the overall scheme of the day.

rc22 · 19/08/2023 10:26

My DH does this and I've wondered if it's a control thing but I think he's just crap with time as he does it to himself too. He really struggles to get himself to appointments on time and he's so disorganised and chaotic in the morning that I've no idea how he gets to work.

ConnieTucker · 19/08/2023 10:27

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 19/08/2023 10:14

I know right. It's batshit isn't it @WandaWonder

Suggesting a man is controlling and manipulative because he needed a last minute 💩as they were due to go out is farcical!

And a last minute shave?

HarrietJet · 19/08/2023 10:27

Clickandcollect82 · 19/08/2023 09:50

“Men” don’t “do this”

Your DH does this

This. Why did you imagine it was a universal Man thing, op?

Daydreamer123456 · 19/08/2023 10:28

Also don’t think this is a man thing.
My DH is very anal about time and can’t recall a single time he’s been late for anything.

This sounds more like something I would do- unlike some of these replies I don’t do it for ‘control’ or to ‘manipulate’

I just hate being early

80skid · 19/08/2023 10:29

My OH is incapable of being on time. It causes me endless stress and frustration. I've tried various tactics over the years and nothing has worked. I can leave on time with a clutch of kids but add him into the mix, we'll be late. I hate it

2chocolateoranges · 19/08/2023 10:30

My dh does this, it’s not a control thing it’s a disorganised thing.

if I want to be somewhere I always have 2 times in my mind. The time I actually want to leave and the time I always tell dh which is 15/20mins before actual time as I get quite stressed being late and this keeps me calm,.

so last week we left to go on holiday, I told dh I wanted to leave for 12.45pm but really I was willing to leave at 1.05pm which meant he was ready for then and I wasn’t as stressed.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/08/2023 10:31

We need to be somewhere by 11

Does he actually want to go? I’m my experience (some) people behave like this for events they don’t want to do, but are fine if it’s something they do want to do!

GreyCarpet · 19/08/2023 10:35

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 19/08/2023 10:16

@Gerrataere If the woman in any given scenario is doing everything before any planned event - all the mental load and admin and physical stuff needed, and all the planning etc..., and letting her husband/partner do nothing, then more fool her frankly. She's literally bringing it on herself.

Women are their own worst enemies.

Totally agree.

My partner and I went on holiday last week. I suggested the place, he found a hotel together and he booked it. He filled the car up with fuel, did his own packing, planned the route... I packed my own bag and he packed everything into the car. If I thought of anything and asked him, it had already been done...

I'm often reminded of my mother. She liked to take control of things and would tell everyone nothing would get done ifnit werent for her. The reality was she wouldnt let anyone else do anything. If anyone tried, she would huff and criticise scathingly and undo and redo whatever had been done. She would also refuse all offers of help or requests to take responsibility for something. And would then sit and cry because everything had been left to her as usual and no one cared. It got really tiresome in the end.

Not suggesting anyone here does this but some women do have a tendency to martyr themselves in the belief that no one else would do it properly.

YouJustDoYou · 19/08/2023 10:36

My dh does this. Decides he's going to have crap/shower/shave literally as we're standing by the front door waiting to leave.

HarrietJet · 19/08/2023 10:37

YouJustDoYou · 19/08/2023 10:36

My dh does this. Decides he's going to have crap/shower/shave literally as we're standing by the front door waiting to leave.

Clickandcollect82 · 19/08/2023 10:38

2chocolateoranges · 19/08/2023 10:30

My dh does this, it’s not a control thing it’s a disorganised thing.

if I want to be somewhere I always have 2 times in my mind. The time I actually want to leave and the time I always tell dh which is 15/20mins before actual time as I get quite stressed being late and this keeps me calm,.

so last week we left to go on holiday, I told dh I wanted to leave for 12.45pm but really I was willing to leave at 1.05pm which meant he was ready for then and I wasn’t as stressed.

It’s like you’re talking about someone with learning difficulties
or a child

HarrietJet · 19/08/2023 10:41

It’s like you’re talking about someone with learning difficulties
or a child
Yes... How can you have any respect for a grown adult who has to be managed like this?

TreadLight · 19/08/2023 10:42

I've just realised why I've never been burdened by the mental load. Last weekend I took the kids to a rugby game at Wembley. Keys, wallet, phone, tickets - check. Kids have been on the toilet. Let them decide if they need a coat and of we go.

Trains are on strike so I've no idea how to get home, we'll worry about that when we need to worry about it. It will be an adventure anyway.

My wife takes a massive bag full of stuff with her when ever she leaves the house. It isn't necessary and only makes it harder for her to do things.