Why do men do this???

[Parrrrple]

We need to be somewhere by 11.it’s an hours drive. I wanted to set off at 9am as that will give us time to get parked, get something to eat etc … DH thought that was too early so we compromised on 9:30. He’s dat doing nothing until 8:20 at which point I reminded him he needs to start getting ready. 9:30 arrives and at this point he decides he needs a poo and a shave. Why????

I had an ex like this. He'd insist on getting the bus to work with me (we worked near each other) and would then faff at the agreed leaving time. He didn't have a set time to get to work, I did.

In the end I just started leaving without him. It pissed him off but he stopped doing it. He is an ex for many reasons...

This.

men dont do this. Your husband is doing this. Dont accept shitty behaviour because you think it is all men who do this. It isnt.

but why do you need to eat at 9.30am? Surely youve literally just had breakfast?

If he or his family is going to be inconvenienced or hurt by late arrival - then it is a classic ADHD feature

if you or your family is going to be inconvenient or hurt by late arrival, it is likely to be thoughtlessness or control

And actually sometimes my mum does the last minute “oh I’ve just got to”. She’s done it to
me on occasion- very deliberately slowly brushing hair or something

So probably not a male thing. The male thing about it is using a poo as the activity, I think. Women slow faffers would probably not choose a poo as the thing.

Yeah, it‘s a control thing not a man thing, I have a flight at 10:35, I got to the airport four hours before, the plan was to get here two hours before. I hate being late for anything so I always make sure I have the option of being early.

It isn't a man thing, it's a person thing. Plenty of men and women procrastinate and delay, for a variety of reasons. My DH will always make sure he's around 10 mins early and prepared to wait, rather than risk being later.

a common tactic for serial late people is that if you have an arrangement at 12:00, tell them the meeting is 11:30, and be ready to go at 11:30 - even if they are running 10 mins late you'll still be early. Some people are incapable of keeping to time, it's an illness. And to be clear I'm not talking about people with ND, this is people who just don't seem to give a shit about inconveniencing others - a whole other thread! Of which there are many on here.

I haven’t had my breakfast yet

why? Because I’m going out for brunch at 11.30

If he was always ready after fully doing his bit beforehand with getting the kids and the other prep ready then that’s fair enough. Many men seem to be ready in time because their wife had sorted literally everything and they’ve only had to think about themselves.

and be ready to go at 11:30

typo - 10:30 it should say or however long the journey time is.

It’s because he doesn’t agree with the agreed time and is sabotaging it deliberately or it could be he is thick as pig shit, neither is an attractive quality.

Ill just add whats working for me this holiday! From losing my mind at the start of the holidays trying to get children in the car, im now at night telling them ‘in the kitchen at 8.15 for breakfast and in the car / setting off for the train for 8.30am’ etc. I wake then in the morning with a cheery reminder of the day’s timings, them ‘kitchen at 8.15 for breakfast and in the car for 8.30am’ and it is so much calmer. They put their shoes on in the car…

but i could not have the same level of patience with a grown man.

My wife does this as does her mum. Her mum has missed out on days out because she left her home so late that there was no point in going out by the time she arrived.

Well my partner must be female then 😂
If we agree to set off somewhere at 10 it's guaranteed he's got the kids and everything else loaded in the car and the engine running at 9.30 😂.
I'd be on the toilet having a poo at 9.30 🤷‍♀️

But op said she needed to eat before their event, which presumably isnt eating.

dont take the comment personally.

My ex used to do this sort of thing. I can remember being packed to go on holiday. I’d packed my things, and dc’s things and got us ready, packed snacks, activities for the drive etc. My twat of an ex just needed to pack his stuff and get in the car. I found him in the garden filling the pond with water from the water butt. In his case I suspect it’s adhd.

I mean my dad now as an elderly person.

In the OPs example, there was no mention of having to get children ready though. The question was around men being poor at personal admin/time management. The extra piece around children wasn't bought into the equation. I personally have a general issue about lazy generalisations without any real evidence to back them up.

Perhaps they have a big appetite?!

I don't think it's a man thing, my mum is much more likely to leave late, my dad is always really early. DF was always the more organised of the two he would've loaded the car, made sure we were up and getting ready, maybe hung some washing out in that time. He also did more of the housework.

DH and I are similar so always aim to leave 15 minutes or so before we need to so if either of us is delayed we're still on time, neither of us would be running more than 5-10 minutes behind

She’s not saying she’s going to have breakfast and something to eat when they arrive

shes just saying they’d agreed to get something to eat upon arrival and before the event. Probably breakfast!

NAMALT. Mine doesn't do this. Also, no-one can possibly help it if they need a poo! 💩

Also agree it's not a man thing.

Not JUST a man thing!

I agree that having a quick breakfast when you get there at 10/10.30 is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and probably nicer that having to race through it before a 9/9.30 leaving time.

OP’s plan sounded good to me!

Yeah but women do it for a million reasons but when men do it is some conspiracy about control

Women are never controlling but men are it seems