Sorry, ANOTHER babies at weddings thread, but I would like your views on this - AIBU?

[champagnesupernova]

I have a q good friend (ex-colleague, she was my boss but we've kept in touch) who's a good deal older than me, been big on career and so never got round to having kids.

Having been with her man for over ten years he finally gets round to popping the question and setting the date.

She tells me this the day I've arranged to meet her to tell her I'm pg with number 1. Big all round

Turns out the date of the wedding is 3-4 weeks after my baby's due.

As I said we're q good friends, so imagine my delight when a save the date card comes.

And then the invitation arrives addressed to Mr and Mrs Supernova (no mention of the bump, but it's not born yet)

I reply very early and in the reply card I put "Mr and Mrs Supernova and infant" and add a note saying I know planning a wedding is v complicated, just want to say that as it's so early and I"m planning on b/fing I'll have the baby with me, but I've heard they sleep for ages so hopefully it won't be a problem Wanted to check you're okay with this.

Met up with her today and said are you okay with this.

She's not and basically doesn't want us to come as she's worried about saying no to other people with babies and not us and annoying the other guests (most of whose kids will be grownup)

I am really really really by this.

She invited us. Knowing we were going to have a brand new baby. She could have just not invited us and said they were having probs with numbers and I wouldn't have been any the wiser. Now I feel that I've misread the invitation and that I've been UNINVITED.

AIBU?

When I was getting married, DH and I started off with four bridesmaids, that went to eight. We started off with fifty guests, which multiplied to eighty. We started with a small idea with a wedding which blew up in our faces and the cost was horrible.

All because some people threw their toys out of the pram.

The bride and groom should be able to say what they want to pay for at their wedding. Nobody is stopping anybody turning up at the church. I was happy for everybody to turn up at the Church, bringing their children and pet dogs should they wish, I just didn't want to pay to feed them all.

Where I got married, over 1's cost me £15

Now, I'm off for a cuppa and biscuit - who wants to join me?

"kew was implying I had singled her our for accusations of cod bashing, just pointing out I hadn't." - no I didn't think you were singling me out, however it were directed at me and others like me who objected to the phrase and therefore I replied. I would have objected if anyone had said it and to call it cod-bashing implies that it is just an excuse to be mean to cod for no obvious reason.

I doubt I have ever challenged cod on a single thread - I doubt we even share many threads in common. Probably for the best on reflection, my sense of humour is obviously not up to it.

Elf I know you can't tell form type on a page but I'm not at all heated about it. Sad though, as I've had the words "barren bitch" rattling around in my head all day and it makes me reflective not heated.

OK kewcumber, I think what I mean is that disagreeing with a statement someone has made is fine, and stating your opinion is fine, where I think threads have in the past turned into 'bashing' another poster (sometimes cod, sometimes others) is where the OP is forgotten as people pile on to the bandwagon to be outraged about a throwaway comment.

That's all.

Chequers - I don't know why I do keep posting on this thread - I'm not generally sensitive about weddings....

But I am quite sensitive about people who take their friends for granted, and are quite capable of take take taking, and then the first time you ask for something back, you get a big fat no. So maybe it's the inequality of the friendship that bugs me. I do generally think it is a shame if a wedding can't include children, because to most people I don't think children WOULD spoil it - on the CD of our wedding one of the most precious moments is during the prayer where they ask that we be blessed with children, and dh's godson pipes up with some babble. It's so touching.

I do know there are some mums who wouldn't take their child out if they created a disturbance, but generally I don't think that is the case - ime mums are very over-sensitive about any little noise - I certainly am - and would err on the side of caution. And anyone is capable of creating a disturbance - it seems a shame to bar a friend from coming to your wedding just in case there is a selfish mum among your guests.

Oh and Chequers, I really appreciated your last post (again, not taking the piss, I really do !)

Elf - I think it is SO heated because it is a combination of weddings/children and also has b/feeding elements! Just need a bit of private/state/faith school in it and we're there!

lol

I do lurve the children at weddings threads, only because my own wedding sprialled out of hand totally.

We were aiming for a childless (or limited number) reception, but it didn't happen due to such kickback from family. Paricularly my step sister who I see once, at christas, -if- -I'm- -unlucky-. We said that she should look at it as a chance to enjoy the day and not have to worry about her two children, but she rang my dad and said I was heartless in not inviting her children and she was especially distraught that I hadn't asked her daughter to be a bridesmaid. The daughter who up until the week before could not remember which step aunt it was who was getting married.

Cue the floodgates opening for all the other relatives who had children automatically being allowed to have their children there.

Oh how I when my step sister had to leave the reception to drag her DS to her mums home as he was being "naughty", missing the main course and the pudding. I know it cost me £80 for them to miss it, but hell, that was the best dessert I have ever tasted

"And to be fair, I only kept on about the newborn thing because people kept posting things about kids running riot, colouring in people's shoes, needing special seating arrangments - some very precocious newborns!"

No but as it has been said numerous times babies do cry and not everyone would take their newborn baby out. why, only god knows, but they don't. i'm not sure if the op said where the ceremony was taking place, but if in a registry office, chapel, hotel etc then numbers are often strict due to fire regulations and yes they do include newborns.

skidoodle yes you did attack me personally. how can you say otherwise... Here:

" By skidoodle on Sun 02-Mar-08 13:35:49 >> So is it OK to laugh at disabled people if Cod makes an "outrageous" comment that is just so shocking it's funny? 'Cos that seems to be the only reason for that incredibly asinine comment being defended. >> "

Was basically paraphrased from my comments posted here ;

" By susiecutiemincepies on Sun 02-Mar-08 12:07:27 >> Yes, sometimes, people do chuckle at even the most tactless, ill advised quips. The mere shock factor of such an outrageously bad taste 'joke' will often produce an initial 'oh my god, I can't believe she said that' kind of laugh. >> "

I really think it was time this tread go put to bed/ laid to rest/ RIP...

it's weird that, nappyaddict. we were at a wedding in the summertime and unfortunately dd (18 months at the time) was being a pain in the arse before the ceremony began. we sat at the back... the minute she squeaked she was outtathere, but when we watched the wedding vid later it turned out that quite a few kids had yelped their way through the vows anyway. you could hear their parents trying to shush them on the soundtrack. why even bother? they make a noise, they're gone, surely?

4!
(just learned that one)

I love children at weddings, for all the noise and fuss, it's what makes the day fun. I don't buy into the perfect unspoilt day, that would be spoilt for me, IYSWIM.

At my uncles wedding my dad took Tink to the back of the church because she was getting restless not being able to move around, she's used to creche at church. My uncle told me that his cameraman had zoomed in to Tink literally climbing the back wall of the church and how cute they thought it was.

Tink's step-uncle said no children and lost his bestman and sister, he didn't invite us because we have children. TD's step-father was NOT impressed at it and on the day rang us to say to get there now! I felt like I didn't have a baby cause grandad whipped her out of my arms when I walked through the door and that was the last I saw of her all night (until TD's sister handed her to me and said she had tried to latch onto her hehe).

nappyaddict, have a look at my post of 21:52:09 - think I have answered that!

i agree it is a shame ... but often can't be helped.

and also whilst most people wouldn't moan about a newborn being made an exception some would and maybe the op's friend knows people who would make a fuss about their kids not being able to come when the op's baby had.

I don't get who's pomposity was being pricked Aitch (iyswim), the op's or the woman who has had the audacity to say who she does or doesn't want at her wedding.

Well I took my newborn and 14 month old to a friends christening (we were godparents, and children were invited!), and dd2 did the loudest most explosive, up the back poo at the quietest moment of the ceremony, so crying is not the only problem! Fortunately everybody laughed as I squeezed past everyone with my poo covered baby held out in front of me to try to minimise damage to the smartest clothes that would fit me at the time, whether it would have been quite so funny if it happened whilst vows were being said at a wedding, i'm not so sure .

The nightmare of wedding etiquette - this is why dh and I eloped!

of course this just meant that we upset everyone!

Me and my partner went to a friends wedding with our (at that time) only 2 months old baby girl. Everyone was very happy and there was no one who made any comments about her. I was breastfeeding her and found a peaceful corner (the staff from the hotel was very helpful) and a lot of women came to see her. She fell a sleep at 23 and slept until 2,the 2 receptionist was looking after her (just in the room next door) my partner was cheeking every 2 minutes so I maneged to go on the dancefloor. 2 months later we went to another wedding in france and the situation was the same, no problem at all. I believe that a wedding i a family thing, but if the wedding couple does not want any babies or children at the wedding then it is their choise (after all they are the ones who are paying the party). But I think it is very important that they make it clear straigth away so there one can arrange for family to after the kids or if that is not possible say no. I no that it is sad no to go to a wedding because you have kids but thats life, there are things you have to give up/miss when you are a parent but then again you get so many things back.

ok..slightly different tack...i havent been invited to the weedding of a close old friend...all the other friends who have been invited have avoided talking to me and hav said things like " we've got a wedding to go to that day" rathe than just owning up....

im not annoyed as im busy anyway but straight forward " i havent invited you as XYZ or XYZ"..would have been nice.

The baby issue isnt really there as all our other friends have infants ( one due only 4 days before the wedding has an invite of thier own!) but my kid are over 10.

maybe your kids would be classed as adults so would me more expensive?

I am getting married in July, all children over 2 will be charged at half the adult rate and all those over 10 will cost the same as adults..(which is cringeworthingly high!!)

to answer your question (rather than prolong a fruitless argument, iykwim ), to my mind the pomposity was emanating from the hysteria on the thread itself... do you know what i mean? by being more hysterical, the bubble was burst. (although not for long ).

I have had this kind of invite too and it's not nice to receive. But having one baby already and another on the way I would say that it's not worth loosing a friend over. I disagree with people not wanting babies at weddings as I think that babies and children only enhance a wedding and make it feel like a family event. However I know that once you have a baby it's really difficult to keep in touch with all your friends as you are so busy but it is also a time when you need all your friends. So I would advise that you let this one go and keep the frinedship. If the baby is only going to be a couple of weeks old at the time you may me too knackered anyway!

I wouldn't mind if I had a baby/young child and was told they weren't invited, I probably wouldn't go but I wouldn't be annoyed, it's someone elses party not mine, so it's not on my terms. I would be really pee'd off if I arranged a party at my house and then people started inviting all in sundry or tried to get people in that I didn't want, so I wouldn't do the same on someone's wedding day. It's all well and good saying 'I think weddings are a family event', yes they are, the Bride and Grooms' family, but not yours (unless you're family of course!!).

Haven't read all the posts. We went to 3 weddings when DS was between 1 and 3 months. I was BFing and wouldn't have left him with anyone else. In each case, they said we could take him - but I really don't think I'd have been upset if they'd said no. We just wouldn't have gone. It's their day and they'll never keep all the guests happy, they'll have enough on their plate keeping their parents etc happy. So, I can see where you're coming from but sorry, think YABU. Don't let it spoil your relationship with your friend.

I think the bubble may be reaching capacity!