People are always 'meh' about me

[Dooooooooo]

As well as social care I've also got over 10 years of experience in education, in teaching and support roles. I see many teachers/support staff like TAs with walls full of cards from students thanking them for being such an inspiration, they've changed their life and so on. Students crying when they leave, bags full of chocolates and gifts.
I've never received anything like that. That said, I received a 'thank you ' email from 2 A level students this year and that meant a lot. But generally, nothing.
It really shouldn't matter, I know, I've worked in this job because I enjoy helping people.
I worked a lot with A level students as part of one department, however because I wasn't a teacher I was completely excluded from the department. I was there for almost a full academic year but I had absolutely nothing to do with them, I was never included in anything which hurt. On my last day there this year it was just like, ok thanks, cya! From them.
I think it's because I don't have a 'big' personality as such, even though I am conscientious, hardworking and caring in my eyes.
A previous coursemate had also worked with an A level group, she told me they were crying when she left and that they've all met for coffee since, I just thought wtf?
This extends to friendships too. I've always had time to listen to people, when they've had a break up or any sort of issue I've listened to them and supported them. I've never mistreated them or put them down, I've always been kind and there for them.
I don't have a large home to offer them space, I don't have a ton of money to spend on them but I have always given them time.
Still, everyone's too busy, nobody really asks how I am anymore or has any interest in meeting, except for one friend but I think that's more as she wants to recruit me into religion (that's another friend).
I'm sorry if this sounds entitled, I've felt this way for years. I do think it's because I don't have bags of charisma and I'm not one of those big bubbly personalities, even though I still think I'm friendly, polite and kind.
It just gets me down sometimes. What to do really.

When my sisters group left nursery school they bought all the teachers a card, signed by them all. There were cards with angels on, and unicorns, cuddly teddies etc. - my sisters card had .... a crocodile!

So things could be worse...😂

I think, OP, that there will be many students who will value you and remember you as a good teacher. The louder, more extroverted teachers will be appeal to students with similar personalities and they will be more likely to show big displays and gestures as that all comes from the same place. Then other kids in the class feel they need to do the same. More thoughtful, introspective students are probably quietly valuing you (for sure) but less likely to be so in such a big way!

Nope, I'm laughing at you.

🤣🤣🤣🤣😜😜😜🤣🤣🤣😜😜😜😜
right back atcha sweetie

Leafless1 that’s a really good point. I’m an introvert and although there were many teachers/individuals over the years that had a real positive impact on me, I’m sure those people have absolutely no idea, I never showed them.
As an introvert, you’re more likely to resonate with other introverts but they’re far less likely to tell you. Extroverted teachers will resonate with extroverted students who will loudly and obviously express their feelings.

Lots of the replies are focusing on OP being nice and kind but I don't think those attributes alone necessarily make someone a good friend.

I mean - all my friends are nice and kind but that's not the reason they're my friends.

I agree, most people I’m friends with have an edgy quality to them. They’re still kind and friendly but usually have a very dry wit/black humour.

The op is presenting on here in a slightly bot like manner where she’s operating on a box ticking exercise and can’t understand why it’s not resulting in a deluge of pals and popularity. That’s not how human interaction works.

Wasn't going to bother replying but some of these answers are absolute nonsense.
Obviously I know it isn't a box ticking exercise. I have other qualities than kind obviously. I'm not just reeling off a list of qualities. I don't find my friends dull, I said just normal. That's all.

@MrsDBaddiel Exactly, everyone I'm friends with has a dark sense of humour, banter and can take the pee out of themselves, be real and be vulnerable sometimes.
When I think of someone reserved like OP says she is then I'll have a nice interaction with them but it won't go beyond that.

I've said several times I've obviously had a sense of humour. Not every person seeks out a dark sense of humour or whatever you said. People are failing to reply to other points I've mentioned, just constantly making me out to be nice yet dull. Then when I say I disagree I'm accused of being snippy/stroppy whatever.

Most of these replies are helpful and I appreciate the advice.
A small number really are not. You see extrapolating, constantly insinuating dull/boring, consently saying I clearly bring nothing else.

Oh dear….

I don't think 18 year olds crying is the norm at all. Dd did take small gifts for teachers on leaving 6th form, but generally I don't think secondary school kids make as much fuss of teachers as primary when the parents organise it for them.

Not sure what that's supposed to mean, context would help. Really no point posting sarcastic replies.

My DH is like this. He’s very reserved, he’s kind and polite. He’s also INCREDIBLY smart (as in has won presidential awards for his research) but hates talking about himself, will never be the life and soul of a party and will never be the first to approach someone and strike up a friendship. If there is a group of friends sitting and chatting he will never be the one to say, ‘oh hey guess what happened’ and offer an anecdote or something. He’ll sit back, listen, say the odd funny thing, respond to questions.

As a consequence he has a few very close friends but that’s it. The difference with the OP is that he’s perfectly happy being this way. He has no wish to go on a holiday with 8 other people to Spain. That’s his idea of hell. Unless it’s me or one of his super close friends then even the 1:1 coffee he can do without. Some people do think he’s a bit rude and standoffish but his patients and his students (he’s a doctor and an academic) adore him. Not in an effusive way. And frankly if they didn’t he would still be him.

We, his family, adore him too. He’s loyal and kind and funny and throws himself whole heartedly into family life. Once or twice (in two decades) he’s said to me ‘I suppose some people think I am a bit odd’ but he’s very comfortable being who he is.

I also agree that being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is key to making long lasting friendships. You have to start the conversation, be prepared for people to disagree, be aware that someone might judge you, be willing to share a bit of yourself. DH has no wish to do any of this with anyone beyond his immediate family and maybe a couple of friends. That’s fine and he’s happy with that. To him a publication in JAMA or Nature far exceeds how many likes he might get on FB if he was on it. And he doesn’t give a shiny shit about who else is popular on social media or why. The problem here is that OP would like that public adulation and so isn’t happy within herself to begin with.

Thinking about my friends I like them to be kind, tactful, not bossy and to be on the same wavelength. That's it really.

Except that's not what people have actually said

You say you're wondering why people find you "meh" but you've knocked back every single suggestion or offer of help.

It very much comes across like you have a big barrier up and you're scared of letting anyone in, so you push them away and attempt to convince yourself that they must be the ones with the problem.

You also haven't really mentioned any attributes apart from nice, kind and a good listener - people can only go on the information you give them in your posts after all.

OP if you were on that holiday with the 8 friends what would your role be other than being a good listener? Would you be the one telling funny jokes, organising an evening out, finding restaurants, making bookings for places to see and organising everyone? Let’s say you all have your own rooms. Would you have wine and cheese and organise a movie so people gravitated to your room? Or would you sit on the edges of the group being lovely to everyone but never the centre of attention.
(As I said that’s my DH and he’s perfectly happy that way).

Actually yeah, I do enjoy organising and booking. I was often the one trying to organise events with the schoolfriends.

I understand, but I did say I like to have a joke with people and I think I'm friendly.

To be honest, I think it was the flouncing that did that.

People don't need to continue replying if they feel they've read enough

7k followers, is some sort of blogger, posts something and people are lapping it up.

This is worth nothing. Their life could be a total shambles - social media is not an accurate representation of peoples' actual lives.

I guess people are trying to figure out what qualities you have that would appeal to others outside of "just" being kind and friendly.

All my friends fall under those categories but they're my friends for other reasons too.

Most people I know are kind, and nice, and friendly but they have something extra about them that makes them stand out to me and that makes me want to get to know them.

So what's your "extra something"? And what is the "extra something" that makes you want to be friends with others?

Ok but once you have organised and booked what is your contribution? When you are all sitting around a table do you initiate conversations? Do you share anecdotes including ones where you look silly?

See I think my friends are amazing- I think they are talented, funny, brilliant. They may not be world famous but to me they are awesome. Your opinion of your friends is they are ‘normal’ and ‘what is so great about them.’ I suspect that comes across in your interaction. If a friend is hesitating to apply for a promotion I will tell her why she’s amazing, why she should go for it. And if she did get promoted I would text and ask her to meet me for a drink so I could celebrate her success. If a friend wrote a blog and people liked it (even if it wasn’t my thing) I would be happy for her. Are you genuinely happy for your friends achievements or do you sit there and think- well if I did the same no one would care?