Don’t want husband to take kids 7 hr drive away

[Purpleplanes]

Would be good to get some general views on this. My husband wants to visit his sister who lives a 7 hour drive up north from us. He has suggested that as he has more leave to take from work he could go and visit and stay with her for a week and take our kids with him who are aged 1 and 3 years old. Unfortunately I don’t have much leave available to take and I could only visit for a weekend instead.

i feel im being unreasonable but I really don’t feel comfortable with my 2 small kids being so far away from me and for so long. I know they are with my husband but still just feels so far away 😢. It is causing me lots of anxiety. My husband and kids could possibly fly up north which would reduce travel time but I feel overwhelmed the thought of him trying to manage our two small kids at an airport on his own and then hiring a car at the other side and then continuing their travels….feels really overwhelming. I’m wondering how others would feel in this situation? I think I’d feel much more comfortable them going alone in a couple of years and when the kids are older and their behaviour is more predictable etc. they just seem so young. Thanks

I know, that's insane. And a recipe for a marriage breakup, that complete lack of trust and faith that an adult who is just as much their parent could look after their own children.

I don't understand how it's abnormal? I mean what if you just don't have anywhere for your kids to go? I had no grandparents, no aunts and uncles that could have cared for me, where exactly would I have gone?

My children have stayed at my parents house for 2 nights in a row (and lots of times for just one night) but I don't see how it's "abnormal" if there is nowhere for your child to go 🤔

I think the journey time is the issue to me, rather than the distance. I'd agree begrudgingly if they flew. I wouldn't want to do that drive with 2 children and no adult in the car that could help entertain them. Driving over night isn't really an option if you're going to solo parent the next day.

Or how it would be bad for anyone.

It doesn’t matter whether other people think this is reasonable or not. If you don’t feel comfortable you have a right to say so.

I’m in the US where we fairly often drive seven plus hours but solo driving with a one year old and a three year old is an entirely different kettle of fish. Unless he plans to dive all night while they sleep he will be stopping every few hours for diaper changes and feeding. So 7 hours could rasily become 9-10. How is he going to juggle them with bathroom breaks and rest stops just solo?

If we are really talking a 1 year old (not 1.5) the recommendations (at least here) are not to keep them in the car seat for such an extended period of time anyway as 3 little bones, ligaments, snd muscles are not designed for sitting for an extended period with the neck/head not supported.

It is a bad idea—this has nothing to do with male parent vs female parent. He does not have the awareness or skills to realize how difficult a solo trip with such young children will be. Flying up would be far more manageable.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable being away from my one year old for that amount of time and distance for many reasons. Not because my DH isn’t capable, but because believe it or not DH and I excel at different things when looking after our Dc. At the age of one I feel I want to be there for
my Dc when she needs me. And yes sometimes she just wants her mum. Sorry DH! It’s not a my DH can’t look after her - it’s just that sometimes Dc wants her mum and she’s so small still. Do what feels right for you.

I understand your anxiety as I would feel the same, I just wouldn’t have wanted to be away from a 1 year old for a whole week, I feel like that’s too much and they are too young. Reading the comments though I realise this may be a me problem. Sorry not helpful but just wanted to say I would feel the same

And why after a split, men don't step up and become 'deadbeat', if they are prevented from being an equal parent.

Whats the point of having dad there if he is not aloud to do anything with the kids or the kids r not aloud near his family because mum says so

Is dad not an adult or something

Agreed

The most sensible answer so far

This ☝️

Both my kids were around 15months old before I was comfortable with them going away with just my partner for a weekend, but our circumstances were a bit different to the norm, as his job had him away 70% of the year, so he had done very little solo parenting at that point.
If he has been a hands on partner/dad for a year, I am sure he and they will be totally fine and you will probably be a bit of a mess the first time! But now my monkeys are 4&6 I love him taking them to visit family cos it's the only time all year I get a lay in! 😆

I have 1 dd. When she was 1 i was still breastfeeding her so letting her go away for days would have been a no for me.
She's almost 3 and her dad still has not driven her on his own for more than 1 hour (and that was to a medical appointment), let alone taken her anywhere overnight.
I would have JUMPED at the chance.
What's the worse that can happen? Husband will decide this is much more stressful than he thought and cut the visit short.
In the meantime you grab however many days of peace and quiet you can!

I think it’s fine unless there is something you aren’t saying. 7 hours drive is a long way with 1 adult - flying or train I think is better (i took DC to visit family but always flew there as wouldn’t want long journey on my own). eg if kids fall asleep in car and need to stop for a wee.

But I often wonder if this is the result of mothers being overly anxious about actually letting them do it. Birthing a child does not come with microchip filled with child rearing knowledge. Parents learn as they go.
OP, your husband is an adult capable of adult decisions. Kids will be fine and you can’t let go of your anxieties unless you give him a chance to show you that he can look after them independently.

Why r those who refuse to let their husbands near their children not divorcing their husbamds u got the child hubby only now needed for finiamces and little else obviously so y not divorce n b single parent relying on the state for said finiances

I’d be the same. On here you’ll get told you’re controlling and dictating and that you both have the same rights. It seems to be totally ignored on here the minor difference of females carrying there baby’s in there womb for 9 months and having different feelings/hormones than men do. My partner didn’t care when they were 5 days old when he went on a day out, however I couldn’t have even considered it. My partner recognised this and respected my feelings, if taking my baby far away made me feel anxious he wouldn’t have done it.

A 7 hour drive which could easily turn into 9 - 10 hours (due to nappy changing/feeding/toilet breaks) as a solo parent (whether mother or father) with 2 toddlers sounds extremely challenging. Not even taking into account that a 1 year old shouldn't sit in a car seat for more than 2 hours. How about the potential tantrums due to boredom/tiredness. I suspect a lot of the people responding to this thread don't actually have children of their own.

I would feel the same in your position 😊

Can he take mine instead?! A few weeks would do. Thanks!

You sound like a controlling nightmare!

If the mother does have a closer bond , then all the more reason to have more alone time with their dad to build the same bond.

I'd be very unhappy about it because it's just too long travelling at that age (for youngest at least). My husband won't take our children such a long way away because he knows how tired they get in long journeys, also, if they're car sick it's a completely nightmare plus a dangerous distraction.

I'd be unhappy having them away from me for so long. Luckily my DH and I are pretty much on the same page with this.