To hate my brain damaged sister

[JulieBindelHasAKindle]

My sister is a 9 years younger than me. Up until she was 9 she was normal, no disabilities, smart, sporty and we were very close. She was in an accident (no details as identifying) that left her with severe brain damage. She’s doubly incontinent, nonverbal, quadriplegic. Basically in a minimally conscious state. She’s kept alive with no brain function for my parents sake. Every day my parents spend hours caring for her, talking to her, hoping she’ll recover. I’m never congratulated, I got top grades in my a levels, a first in my degree at a top university, a masters, high paying job. And I’m ignored while an involuntary twitch of her hand is seen as a miracle. It’s been 7 years since her accident and she’s the same as she was 6 years ago. AIBU to wish she didn’t survive?

Oh my goodness what a horrifically tragic situation all around. I’m so sorry for you all. I’ve got no advice but couldn’t read and run.

I can understand your frustrations.
But omg that's cold.

Have you had any support with your feelings about your sister?

Tragic for all involved. But it's not really your sister's fault. Hating her and wishing her dead will not improve you life and will make you bitter and twisted of it hasn't already.

Get some therapy.

that sounds incredibly hard

You are not unreasonable to hate the situation - it's awful for all of you. But I do think it's unreasonable to hate your sister. Have you had some counselling or therapy?

I would count my blessings if I were you and be glad the roles weren’t reversed.Your poor parents must be devastated and possibly still grieving the loss of what might have been.Do they know how you feel?

It's horrific but she's still their child I can't imagine something like that happening to one of my girls. Must be very difficult for you, it's probably not your sister you hate but they way your parents have treated / are treating you.

Wow! I'm lost for words on this one.

You poor thing. Your poor family. You matter too xx

Oh, I'm so sorry. This is such an awful thing for you all to be going through.

I think it's understandable to feel that you've been cheated out of important milestones in your own life.

I have a sibling I love dearly, and my own children I would lie down and die for. I imagine your grief for what has happened to your sister is different to the grief your parents have. And of course you still want your parents to 'be' your parents. They're not wrong, I don't think, but you're not either.

It sounds as if effectively you lost your parents when they lost your sister that was. Have you been able to talk to them about it?

You need therapy OP. Your feelings are valid but vented here I’m concerned some replies may do more harm than good for you.

I often marvel at the strength parents like yours have, to get through the initial life changing event and then keep going, my friend has a child with much less disabilities than your sister but her life looks so infinitely more difficult than mine does and I don’t know how she does it all and seems so happy and grateful, you should be proud of the strength your parents have because it’s unimaginable.

Your pain also sounds horrible, for very different reasons. Have you spoken to your parents about how their actions have made you feel? This isn’t your sisters fault, this is a parenting problem. I’m really sorry, it’s sounds a horrible situation.

Gosh, everyone’s life has been completely de-railed by the accident.
I too would suggest some therapy.

What a tragedy for the whole family.

Have you had therapy to talk through your thoughts? Your feelings are very valid and I imagine you have concerns about the future.

Is there something specific that's recently happened that's prompted you to post?

What an awful situation for everyone, I can only echo previous posters and ask if you have had any help to navigate your way through what has happened to you all?

I think your anger should be directed at your parents, not your sister. They need a wake up call that they have more than one child, and theyre missing out on your life.

I’m sorry OP but you sound horrible. I can understand your frustrations but your wording is so cold. WOW. Get help. You’re almost jealous of a disabled person.

Jesus OP I don’t know what to say.

It sounds cruel and heartless to wish that. But it's completely understandable.

It sounds like your sister has no quality of life, your parents have put their lives on hold and you have been emotionally neglected for years.

It's a shitty situation all round.

Have you spoken to any medical professional about this? I know it’s not the same but my ds suffered a brain injury as a result of a seizure when he was a small child, at one point we were told that he likely would be profoundly disabled if he were to survive. As a parents dh and I both said we didn’t care about his disabilities, we’d look after ds until the very end. Luckily ds recovered well and is actually very intelligent etc, he suffers from some issues with concentration and also has mild cerebral palsy and an autism diagnosis but he copes well.

I'm lost for words.

The replies here may not be kind.

It’s a horrible situation for all involved. Deep and complex grief. I would seek some professional help. It must feel very much like you lost your parents at the same time. I’m so sorry for you and your family.

I agree with others saying you need therapy, you basically lost your sister, your parents and your life as you knew it all in one go

And whilst I would like to think I wouldn't hate my sister in that situation I also would prefer it if she didn't survive. I know my sister would hate to be kept alive in a situation like that, as would I. I wonder if any of your anger/hate is actually at a situation where a previously lively sporty person is being kept alive in a way that they might not have wanted?