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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
Morechocmorechoc · 16/08/2023 21:32

That's how kids go missing. Don't think it never happens. It does, read the history

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 21:32

stayathomer · 16/08/2023 21:27

I don’t think abduction would be my worry, it would be more my ds would wander off looking for me or get worried because of a stranger. I think it’s mad people are saying the waitress shouldn’t have even reacted, imagine your child wanders off or you didn’t come back and everyone’s saying to her ‘but you saw the mother leave and did nothing?’ We’ve all done something similar though op, you take risks sometimes, sometimes you’re luckier than others

I'm sure if OPs DC was likely to wander off, then she wouldn't have left him. She knew he wouldn't...and he didn't.

TreadLight · 16/08/2023 21:33

At five I'd have left my child while I went to the loo, but as I'm male I am held to much lower standards when it comes to child care.

tiredmama23 · 16/08/2023 21:34

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/08/2023 20:16

I wouldn’t have left either the 5 year old, or my purse and phone!

This!

User1145 · 16/08/2023 21:34

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 21:32

Me too! I must try harder🤣 (joking, before everyone starts ringing SS).

@User1145 what about getting fuel, leaving our children at nursery/school, kids parties, play dates etc? They could all be classed as dangerous if you’re that way inclined but as parents, we takes judged risks, we have to otherwise we bring up children not able to cope with adulthood.

Show quote history

Yes agreed, so in this case I wouldn't leave my child alone colouring, others might. It's everyones business how they take those risks.

Echio · 16/08/2023 21:35

Non-parent here but I think this is quite normal for this kind of age.

I've kept an eye on young kids in this sort of situation loads of times (thinking the most common is if I'm on the 'set of 4 table' on a train with one parent and one/two kids and they want to go to the loo or to get drinks or whatever).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2023 21:35

I do think people should stop making it their business to chastise women, especially mothers. Including other women!

I had a bra fitter woman try to tell me off for not bringing teenage Dd for a second bra fitting soon enough - it was none of her business but this was the first time since the pandemic I could persuade her to go again. But it’s not people’s business to tell you off!

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 21:35

Morechocmorechoc · 16/08/2023 21:32

That's how kids go missing. Don't think it never happens. It does, read the history

It does happen but it mostly doesn’t & most people are still decent. We spend our lives risk assessing situations where our children are concerned.

ElEmEnOhPee · 16/08/2023 21:35

I wouldn't personally do this but wouldn't judge another mum for doing so and I would happily watch their child while they popped to the loo. Feel a bit sad about the people who would feel put out by being asked for two minutes of their time to help another mum. I remember the earlier years being so bloody hard, especially on my own, I never did ask for help with anything and reading the responses I guess I'm glad I didn't.

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 21:37

User1145 · 16/08/2023 21:30

Earth, where 8 million children are kidnapped every year.

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Oh for goodness sake. How on earth do you people cope when your kids want to play out with friends? I take it that's too much of a risk too? Walk to school alone?

DameCurlyBassey · 16/08/2023 21:40

VinEtFromage · 16/08/2023 21:08

The waitress was ridiculous & rude. Speak to the manager or just put it behind you. There was nothing wrong with what you did.

i always judged each situation & did what I felt best. I'm sure if you felt it was ok, it was. Always remember MN has a LOT of people 'perfect parenting on screen' & a lot scared of their own shadow. It's not a very 'real world' balance of people.

I'm not sure she was being ridiculous or rude. She was obviously worried - perhaps because she's seen some dodgy types in that cafe.

Penguin34 · 16/08/2023 21:42

This is crazy! I would never leave my child, 5 year olds are quite portable you know!

CandyflossKaren · 16/08/2023 21:43

Gotta be a wind up

Again!

HarrietJet · 16/08/2023 21:44

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 21:37

Oh for goodness sake. How on earth do you people cope when your kids want to play out with friends? I take it that's too much of a risk too? Walk to school alone?

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At 5?

Edellondon · 16/08/2023 21:45

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 21:12

This might be the most sanctimonious post I've ever seen on Mumsnet...or paranoid.

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How is this sanctimonious, to highlight two cases in which young children have been left alone in public and were taken and abused by strangers.

You can look up records of the number of pedophilies in an area and that's just the ones who've been caught. Some people are just naive to it all but unfortunately I see a lot within my field of work

BlastedIce · 16/08/2023 21:45

HowToSaveAWife · 16/08/2023 21:31

So you left a small child alone, with valuables, at a table in a restaurant while you were out of sight and told someone you don't know from Adam to keep an eye on your child? Just because she had kids? Are you mad?! A) you didn't know her and B) that's a hell of an imposition to put on a stranger probably juggling her own kids.

And unless you went to the loo to glance in the mirror, you were longer than 2 minutes.

It's negligent leaving a small child alone like that, colouring or not, but it's fucking madness to leave a child alone with valuables on display.

Jesus they’re some massively dramatic worriers on here!!

Nevermay · 16/08/2023 21:46

Pineapplewaves · 16/08/2023 20:08

I would have take my son with me and just told the waitress that we were nipping to the toilet and would be back. I would have left coats, colouring stuff on the table so other people knew someone was sitting there and just took my valuables with me.

this is what I would do, and what I would expect anyone to do - you don't leave a 5 year old unattended in a resteraunt!!

I am horrified you asked another diner to keep an eye on him what could she have done if he had run away? cut himself with a knife? Been abducted? got caught up in a fire alarm?

I left my 12 year old sitting alone in a cafe while I popped to the toilet once, and he got caught up in an emergency, and he coped, because he was 12, but it was very nasty indeed.

BlastedIce · 16/08/2023 21:49

Nevermay · 16/08/2023 21:46

this is what I would do, and what I would expect anyone to do - you don't leave a 5 year old unattended in a resteraunt!!

I am horrified you asked another diner to keep an eye on him what could she have done if he had run away? cut himself with a knife? Been abducted? got caught up in a fire alarm?

I left my 12 year old sitting alone in a cafe while I popped to the toilet once, and he got caught up in an emergency, and he coped, because he was 12, but it was very nasty indeed.

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Crikey!

You forgot to mention a meteor!

Hungboisking · 16/08/2023 21:49

Absolutely not.

Creeps seize opportunities like this to abduct children. Don’t assume because it’s a busy place it wouldn’t happen.

Katrice Lee was abducted in a supermarket full of people when her family were distracted for a couple of minutes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Katrice_Lee

Disappearance of Katrice Lee - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Katrice_Lee

Timetochangegonzo · 16/08/2023 21:49

That's how kids go missing. Don't think it never happens. It does, read the history

pray, do link me to this rich and varied history of children being abducted by strangers in the UK in cafes in broad daylight. Any case in the last 25 years will do.

JaneMargolisFromBreakingBad · 16/08/2023 21:51

Pineapplewaves · 16/08/2023 20:08

I would have take my son with me and just told the waitress that we were nipping to the toilet and would be back. I would have left coats, colouring stuff on the table so other people knew someone was sitting there and just took my valuables with me.

Same.

Clymene · 16/08/2023 21:52

Hungboisking · 16/08/2023 21:49

Absolutely not.

Creeps seize opportunities like this to abduct children. Don’t assume because it’s a busy place it wouldn’t happen.

Katrice Lee was abducted in a supermarket full of people when her family were distracted for a couple of minutes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Katrice_Lee

44 years ago.

Can we stick to examples this century?

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 21:53

HarrietJet · 16/08/2023 21:44

At 5?

Show quote history

There was a poster saying she takes her 10 year old to the toilet with her!

And yes my DC played out from 5 with instructions of where they were allowed to go and no further, it wasn't far, I could see them from my house at all times. Maybe I was just lucky to live in a quiet estate with loads of other kids out playing. They were very capable of following my instructions and never 'went missing'.

Misty84 · 16/08/2023 21:55

5 year old and valuables all coming to the toilet with me! Not over dramatic or a worrier…just sensible.

FlissyPaps · 16/08/2023 21:55

ItsNotRocketSalad · 16/08/2023 20:08

The waitress is an idiot.

No she’s not. She’s doing her job. Her job which requires her to be constantly moving between front of house and back of house. Wait staff aren’t child minders. Watching unsupervised young children shouldn’t be their responsibility.

Don’t patronise wait staff- it’s a disgusting mindset to have.

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