Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

[Havanawinter]

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

Someone asked me the same in the cinema the other day to take the other sibling to the loo, I didn’t think anything of it,

I think for me at 5 I’d have taken my son with me, he’s 9 now and would say stay here im just nipping to the loo.

i wouldn't leave mine cos i'm not sure they'd stay but i wouldn't judge you for it and i wouldn't mind keeping an eye on your kid

Yeah and the people berating the OP actually think they're superior parents. Someone said they wouldn't even leave their 9 year old to sit and wait. When my DC were 9, I left them home alone for short periods, 10 mins etc. to build some independence. They knew they could go to a neighbour if they needed because you know...community. Wait and see the outrage now because I left a 9 year old home alone.😂

The waitress was ridiculous & rude. Speak to the manager or just put it behind you. There was nothing wrong with what you did.

i always judged each situation & did what I felt best. I'm sure if you felt it was ok, it was. Always remember MN has a LOT of people 'perfect parenting on screen' & a lot scared of their own shadow. It's not a very 'real world' balance of people.

I would never leave my five year old alone in public, growing up seeing stories of Jamie Bulger and Madeline McCann I can't believe someone would. I'm sure you didn't think too much about it but please don't do it again. Unfortunately there are pedophilies everywhere and you look out for opportunities to abuse children. I'd be happy the waitress was looking out for your son and take this as a lesson and move on

They were probably safer at home, tbh.

I’d be pretty annoyed if the random child wanted
to go and look for his mum though and you had to miss part of the film.

100% would have taken my chid with me, would not have left him outside with strangers; having said that waitress could have been more polite

11! Seriously? How on earth did you get a child to still go to the toilet with you at that age? Mine would have been mortified.

As for the 'my children are far too precious to me..' pass the sick bucket.

Does this thread need any more posts? I haven't read all the replies but I'm guessing everyone is saying they would take the 5 year old with them.

They don’t know, you’re right. I just think it’s unlikely to stumble upon a female kidnapper sat right next to me in a restaurant who would be able to take my 5 year old (who would massively protest/make a scene) through a busy restaurant before I’d nippedto the loo!

Maybe I’m too trusting. Tonight in the park, my 7 year old got stuck at the top of the climbing frame. I couldn’t get her down because I’ve got some shoulder problem so can’t lift my arm & there was a man & woman near & the lady asked if I wanted help (probably just meant they’d hold my dog while I got her down🤣) so I jumped at the chance & say yes please & the man lifted her down for me!

Other situations I am very untrusting about but where it’s ‘unlikely’ anything bad will happen, I’m happy to help & accept help.

Meant *who look for opportunities

Seriously the number of convicted pedophilies living in society is scary as well as the number of unconvicted and unknown.

5 is way to young OP sorry

This might be the most sanctimonious post I've ever seen on Mumsnet...or paranoid.

I still take my 5yo but he can be a bit daft. A more sensible 5yo would probably be fine. My 8yo I leave at the table because he's happy to be left and he usually goes to the boys toilets anyway.

I once took ds2 as a baby to change his nappy and left ds1 in the soft play, he was 3 at the time. It was a small soft play and I knew the staff very well. But I realised I'd made a mistake as soon as I got back.

What you did was fine. The waitress was being over dramatic. Why on earth she thought you'd deserted your child in a cafe is beyond me.

They could say no. That's what asking means right?

I'd have left my dc and rolled my eyes at the waitress but I wouldn't have asked a stranger to watch them. That bit is unreasonable

I think this is one of those situations where you make a judgement call based on the scenario. A busy pub with lots of rowdy groups of lads - no I wouldn't let children out of my sight. A quietish pizza express with a few families then yes I think this is fine.

I maintain it isn't a huge imposition. But I know my 6 year old would do as I said and sit quietly. I would always look out for other parents on their own and help where I can. It's just nice to look out for each other.

I probably wouldn't have asked the other mum but I would've left my ds at that age at a restaurant table to go to the toilet. I am surprised so many mums would take their kid to stand outside a cubicle while they go to the loo. Surely they are still on their own then so what's the difference.

This. If you look at people in the news who have killed their child or abused them more often then not they look pretty normal. I'm not saying they sit in restaurants waiting to be asked to watch a child but why risk it

DC1 I'd have happily left. He was a sensible child, just the right balance of 'wary of strangers' to 'able to navigate social situations and seek help from an appropriate adult in an emergency' that I could definitely trust him to stay put and keep out of trouble.

DC2 I'd have to take with me. Her impulse control is crap, and she's also far more interested in charming complete strangers.

Waitress was misguided to judge you, I'd try to put her out of your head.

I probably wouldn't have asked another parent to keep an eye (I might have reassured them that I was just popping to the toilet and DS would be fine), but I wouldn't mind someone asking me.

I wouldn't have left the valuables though.

Nope, I wouldn't

It only takes a few seconds and your child is gone, never to come back. It's not worth taking the risk.

Is it? I'd happily keep an eye on a quietly colouring child for a mum to pop to the toilet and I don't consider myself a particularly charitable person.

Ok the 5 year old is one thing (not a big deal imo but this is MN where you’re criticised for drinking a glass of wine if you’re home alone with your child in case you need to drive them to A&E..) but you left your phone, purse, keys in plain view on a restaurant table?!

It's fine. You made a judgement call that the other mum could control your DS if necessary and that she probably wasn't angling after another child.

In Y1/Y2, whenever they start doing unaccompanied playdates and parties round your way, you'll drop your child off at the houses or in the care of people you've had a lot less interaction with than this woman, having sat next to her and her children in a restaurant and worked out that they're probably normal people. And Mumsnet will tell you that's absolutely fine.

I wouldn't view it as an imposition to mind your child. Unless he's literally the spawn of Satan, I'd have confidence in my ability to keep him in line for 5 minutes. Hardly a big ask.