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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
HalloumiLuvver · 16/08/2023 20:52

FilthyforFirth · 16/08/2023 20:09

I would have taken my son with me. No way at all would I leave him alone in public completely out of my sight.

Agree. He's too young to be left. Ok it was a very short trip but what if he still got upset and decided to go "look for Mummy". Especially in a place where staff are carrying hot food and drinks and don't want kids wandering around unsupervised!

You shouldn't ask strangers with their own kids to look out for him. That's not fair on them! Is she supposed to abandon her own kids if yours decides to leg it?

Just take him with you next time.

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 20:52

meatbaseddessert · 16/08/2023 20:31

So the waitress was 'melodramatic', 'stupid', 'an idiot' and 'overreacted' according to PP

Clearly none of you have been wait staff and hold them beyond contempt.

Ive had this happen to me before when much younger and a waitress and it actually makes your blood run cold. You don't know where the parent is or indeed how long they intend to be gone. It puts the waitress in a compromising position because she knows that if anything happens to that child she and the restaurant will be blamed. She is now responsible for them whether you intended it or not.

She will therefore have to stop her other duties to ensure your child doesn't endanger themselves or get swiped causing her unnecessary stress and impacting in other patrons.

At least you could have told her (when she would have probably said no.. take child with you) or taken the kid with you.

That's all very dramatic. "blood run cold". I'm sure the waitress asked OPs son where his mum was and he told her she was at the toilet. It's really not a big deal. It was literally a couple of minutes and the child wasn't in any danger.

SuperNewMe · 16/08/2023 20:53

OsirisservesAnubis · 16/08/2023 20:40

I'd have done the same as you. But then I used to ask nice looking ladies to watch my newborn whilst I took my 3yo to the loo, so I'm probably a bit more lax than the average mumsnetter.

"Nice looking ladies"
How do you know which stranger you can trust your newborn with on their looks?! 😳

Sunshineaftertherain187 · 16/08/2023 20:53

As the woman on the table next to you, I wouldn't have wanted to be in that position of keeping an eye on a stranger's child, while caring for my own children.

What would she have done if your son had panicked and wandered off looking for you?
She would have had to take her young children with her to follow him to make sure he was safe, and that would have put her in an extremely awkward situation.

HarrietJet · 16/08/2023 20:55

LoveBluey · 16/08/2023 20:47

I'd do the same and I think it's perfectly normal to ask another mum to keep an eye. I've done this and offered for others often. More normally it's to keep an eye on one child while the parent takes another to the toilet but it's really not a big imposition.

It's a huge imposition, leaving someone with the responsibility of a random stranger's young child in a public place!
It may be only a few minutes (it almost certainly wasn't just 2, btw), but it's long enough for some kids to get upset, wander round making a pest of themselves, make a bolt for the door, etc.
What was the woman supposed to do if anything like that happened, given she had her own children to keep her occupied?

Daphnis156 · 16/08/2023 20:56

If the child had gone missing you would have been cast as the Wicked Witch, possibly sloping off for a neat gin in the loos.
The all the other times you had done the same would be discovered/made up.

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 20:56

Overreaction from the waitress! I would’ve done what you did.

Olive19741205 · 16/08/2023 20:56

MumUndone · 16/08/2023 20:35

5 year old too young to be left on their own IMO.

A nearly 6 year old is perfectly capable of sitting and waiting on his mum while she nips to the loo. I really despair of some people.

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 20:57

Anyone asks me to watch their kid/s while they nipped to the loo, I’d be more than happy to do so.

pizzaHeart · 16/08/2023 20:58

Pineapplewaves · 16/08/2023 20:08

I would have take my son with me and just told the waitress that we were nipping to the toilet and would be back. I would have left coats, colouring stuff on the table so other people knew someone was sitting there and just took my valuables with me.

I always did this ^ when DD was little

zurala · 16/08/2023 20:59

Yabu. I wouldn't have left him or my valuables. I wouldn't leave my nine year old, either. I think I left my eldest when she was 11, but I preferred her to come with me and usually I do toilet on arrival or just before departure so we all go together.
My children are far too precious to me to risk. A five year old is still tiny.

HarrietJet · 16/08/2023 20:59

I had a very young baby (maybe 4/5 months?) abruptly shoved into my arms in a shopping centre, once, and the Mum hared off to the loo.
It was disconcerting, to say the least.
For the baby, as well 😄. He stared goggle eyed at me until his Mum returned, by which time I could have been quite a distance away, had I minded to abscond with him.

BlastedIce · 16/08/2023 20:59

Blahblahblah245 · 16/08/2023 20:11

I agree with this.

I have 3 young kids of my own who I take to the loo with me if we are out. I’d not thank you for asking me to watch your child while you were gone - they could do anything and I’d have to sort yours over mine.

either trust the child enough to leave him entirely or take him with you.

the waitress however was being melodramatic 🙄

Show quote history

And your not?

AnneAnon · 16/08/2023 21:01

I’d rather be asked to keep an eye on a child than “can you make sure no one takes my table in this very busy cafe?”

that is proper stress 😳

SuperNewMe · 16/08/2023 21:01

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 20:57

Anyone asks me to watch their kid/s while they nipped to the loo, I’d be more than happy to do so.

Yes, and that's lovely that you are presumably a nice safe person to leave a child with, but how do they know that just from looking at you?
People seem fine with leaving their young children/babies with complete strangers and I guess we're all different I suppose

amicissimma · 16/08/2023 21:02

So your child has done a year at school in the care of people he didn't know at first. I think it was fine. (Not sure about the valuables - too easy to slip into a pocket on passing). It wasn't particularly uncommon when mine where young. That was London, so maybe some people are in more dangerous places.

I've occasionally been asked to keep an eye on a child for someone in similar circumstances and don't find it any kind of imposition at all.

I think it's sad that so many people distrust other parents and even their own child these days.

DameCurlyBassey · 16/08/2023 21:02

I never even leave my laptop on the table when I go to the loo. when people ask me to watch their stuff for them while they're gone I always wonder if they honestly think that I am going to confront some 6' thief in defence of their property. I might for a child, but I would rather not, thanks.

larkfold · 16/08/2023 21:03

Generally I take my 5yo DD with me. But I did leave her colouring at one small cafe while I left to change DC2's nappy a while back. It just felt like a safer vibe, it was a community cafe that operates as a warm bank so I just felt comfortable doing it there.

Would never leave my purse and phone though! 😁

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 16/08/2023 21:03

zurala · 16/08/2023 20:59

Yabu. I wouldn't have left him or my valuables. I wouldn't leave my nine year old, either. I think I left my eldest when she was 11, but I preferred her to come with me and usually I do toilet on arrival or just before departure so we all go together.
My children are far too precious to me to risk. A five year old is still tiny.

I can't imagine taking my 10 yo to the loo with me. Are your dc girls? I wouldn't take my 10 yo ds into the woman's loo.

Saracen · 16/08/2023 21:04

What you did sounds fine to me. I'm sure you know whether your own child is sensible or likely to get up to mischief. The waitress was being silly.

Illbebythesea · 16/08/2023 21:04

I wouldn’t leave my 5yo, but possibly that’s over cautious… I still think the waitress was a dick for being dramatic about it.

Misty84 · 16/08/2023 21:04

Would have taken 5 year old to toilet with me.

Sunshineaftertherain187 · 16/08/2023 21:04

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 20:57

Anyone asks me to watch their kid/s while they nipped to the loo, I’d be more than happy to do so.

I would too, as in I would happily help another mum out if I was in a position to.

I'd just worry if anything happened - if her child wandered off looking for her and whether I could be quick enough to follow him after I'd taken one child out of a high chair and gathered my other child.
It's fine if he just sits there and colours, but five year olds are unpredictable. He may have suddenly though "Mummy's taking a long time. I'd better go and look for her".

Username1107 · 16/08/2023 21:05

I would have probably left my child at the table for two mins, (depending on the restaurant and how close the toilet was). I may have asked the next table to keep an eye out too, depending on who they were. People have asked the same of me on quite a number of occasions, it's not a problem.

SuperNewMe · 16/08/2023 21:06

amicissimma · 16/08/2023 21:02

So your child has done a year at school in the care of people he didn't know at first. I think it was fine. (Not sure about the valuables - too easy to slip into a pocket on passing). It wasn't particularly uncommon when mine where young. That was London, so maybe some people are in more dangerous places.

I've occasionally been asked to keep an eye on a child for someone in similar circumstances and don't find it any kind of imposition at all.

I think it's sad that so many people distrust other parents and even their own child these days.

So your child has done a year at school in the care of people he didn't know at first. I think it was fine
Teachers and other childcare /education settings are DBS checked etc are a bit different to random.members of the public in a pub or restaurant setting.