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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
Jimmer253 · 17/08/2023 19:50

It’s quite simple. Your child is 5yrs old…..you take the, with you if you need the loo.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 19:50

A victim picker's DREAM you are 5 years old and you toddled off and left him and you asked me how I sleep. Deary me. Why? Just gonna No leave that poor defenceless wee kid on their own. Wow mind boggles at some parents carefree attitude towards their own child's safety. Behave yourself and have a word with yourself you need to know that not everyone else is as nice as you might want them to be.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 20:04

Are you carefree as well 😔 poor wee victims are everywhere and independence comes later on than 5years old give them a chance to be kids before making them adults b4 their time.

Kitcaterpillar · 17/08/2023 20:06

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 19:50

A victim picker's DREAM you are 5 years old and you toddled off and left him and you asked me how I sleep. Deary me. Why? Just gonna No leave that poor defenceless wee kid on their own. Wow mind boggles at some parents carefree attitude towards their own child's safety. Behave yourself and have a word with yourself you need to know that not everyone else is as nice as you might want them to be.

Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBC

Mmm, ok.

StarDolphins · 17/08/2023 20:14

Newmumatlast · 17/08/2023 10:42

It's a bit of a leap if what you're implying is that my child could end up in MH crisis with my or a similar approach because of no risk or small bits of independence. And if you're not implying that its irrelevant to my comment.

Theres a huge difference between not choosing to leave your child under the observation of a stranger while you go to the loo and giving them absolutely no independence nor exposure to any risk.

FWIW my child is extremely independent. Particularly compared to her peers. I believe that independence has grown from independent thought and the amount of choices she is able to make age appropriately, that she attends nursery while I work, that I encourage her to pay for things in shops/cafes herself etc and treat her like a human being with an equal respect and importance to myself. And in terms of risk I allow her to make her own choices within reason to explore and climb etc in what my friends as parents clearly perceive as risky situations as they choose to shout be careful and pull their kids away from even attempting climbing frames that are a bit high. She has no problem going off to nursery running to greet her friends but likewise running to me happy when its home time too. She isn't clinging to me like my friends kids who arent given as much autonomy from what I've seen; yet funnily enough whose parents are less vigilant in public than me with things like the OP (from what I've seen).

You are conflating being a parent who won't leave a young child on their own in effect (as the stranger is unknown and can't really be relied upon) with being a parent who wraps their child entirely in cotton wool with no independence or risks at all.

Show quote history

Apologies, I meant no risk OR no small bits of independence, not WITH small bits iyswim!

I agree with what you’ve said. My point is with others that are clearly horrified, bordering on hysterical about this situation, suggesting the child could cut themselves, be abducted, fire alarm could go, they could run off, never leave them for a second, just incase, strangers can’t be trusted & various other things.

Op knows her son so probably knows he’s not inclined to wander off or cut himself & the chances of an kidnapper being sat right next to the table waiting for someone to ask them to watch their child are slim.

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 20:17

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld I've seen many a group out in park with 5/6 year olds from rainbow / beavers playing games. My point is all adults take eyes of children for a couple

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 20:17

I'm failing to get the point where cahms and the cost of living crisis has anything to do with a carefree attitude to the child who's 5's mum left him with a total stranger in a restaurant. 🤔 see if more parents let's the children be children and not independent at 5 maybe the kids would grow up into more mature adults as independence comes with age I was taught oldest of eight I am 2 set's of twins in my family. I am always happy to ask people what's what because I don't pretend to know everything but I do watch the TV true crime's and always try to put safety first. Could you please elaborate further? As I missed something there.

Growingouttogether · 17/08/2023 20:18

I do the same. I do mention to the waiters though

IlikePinaColada84 · 17/08/2023 20:23

I saw this thread on my Facebook news timeline today.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 20:23

Have you ever watched the true crime's series on TV as some of the people who are in possessions of trust go into the profession purely to get to kids. Horrible thought but so true we say not in BRITAIN but the jail's are saying that people are wrong just missing out on the news or updates in newspapers but they are out there looking for kids. They are sick and we need to be more informed about the things that are going on in Britain.

StarDolphins · 17/08/2023 20:26

LookingForRubies · 17/08/2023 16:15

I still believe, unlike most on this thread it seems, that the vast majority of people in this world are decent and would not abduct my child the minute my back was turned.

I also believe that a NT 5 year old should be capable of sitting and waiting at a table for 5 minutes without falling over, cutting themselves, being hit by a meteor etc.

The level of anxiety and paranoia on this thread (and similar ones) makes me quite sad. I'm not a negligent parent. I might take a few more risks than others it seems.

I think it's actually healthy to allow a child to be given a small amount of responsibility at a young age. It's how they learn.

Agree with everything you’ve said! Put it much better than I did!

Ineedtorunaway · 17/08/2023 20:31

I was thinking of this thread today as I took my 5 and 7 year old into a fast food place and after ordering I popped back out to the car to get them something. The looks I got from people for leaving them for 2 minutes. Majority of the time I could still see them through the window

Reduxrabbit · 17/08/2023 20:34

Crikey, from second year of primary aged rising 6 I negotiated two bus journeys and a jaunt through a housing estate alone to school and that was perfectly normal. I know times have changed and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my own DC to do that but feel reactions on this thread about perceived risk/ negligence are a bit OTT.

Beezknees · 17/08/2023 20:37

Reduxrabbit · 17/08/2023 20:34

Crikey, from second year of primary aged rising 6 I negotiated two bus journeys and a jaunt through a housing estate alone to school and that was perfectly normal. I know times have changed and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my own DC to do that but feel reactions on this thread about perceived risk/ negligence are a bit OTT.

Mine is old enough now to go out alone but I wouldn't have taken any unnecessary risks when he was young. I know the odds are small but I'd never have forgiven myself if the worst had happened.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 20:41

Ahh yes now you're right about growth and they should be doing little things for themselves but what you done was risky and not worth the risk always have two different people keep shotty when you go potty. Don't worry you are nearly there. I let my kids do lots for themselves use fork and knife at 5 not quite the same as watch my bags and phone and get the STRANGER to watch the 5 year old. It's not worth the risk kiddo

hopsalong · 17/08/2023 20:55

I would also have taken my son at 5, nearly 6, but wouldn't dream of taking him at 8. At what age does this dilemma change for other Mumsnetters?

I also started letting him go with his brother into men's' loos by themselves (NOT in stations, airports etc, but in restaurants where I would be waiting outside) quite recently, at 6 and 8. I notice a lot of other mums with boys of roughly similar ages in the ladies, but my 8 year old is already 140cm tall and despite otherwise being quite baby-faced he seems suddenly an inappropriate presence in the ladies' loos. And then it seems safer and easier for both boys to go together than for one to come with me and the other to brave the gents alone. But don't feel sure about this and am pretty twitchy while they're inside.

Iwant2stayanon · 17/08/2023 21:07

Sorry OP but there is no way I would have left my child on his own or left some stranger keeping an eye on him. I find that very strange behaviour.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2023 21:09

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 20:41

Ahh yes now you're right about growth and they should be doing little things for themselves but what you done was risky and not worth the risk always have two different people keep shotty when you go potty. Don't worry you are nearly there. I let my kids do lots for themselves use fork and knife at 5 not quite the same as watch my bags and phone and get the STRANGER to watch the 5 year old. It's not worth the risk kiddo

You've just started letting your kids use and knife and fork at 5??

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2023 21:12

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

Leaving your three young kids alone in a building whilst you go out somewhere else is not comparable to popping to the loo whilst another Mom keeps an eye on them

It's a horrible thought but always my first one.. Your first thought when you go onto a cafe is that everyone there is probably a child abductor?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 17/08/2023 21:24

They will have at least one adult observing them even if one goes off. They'll be present should a child call for help and they aren't leaving ONE child alone.
It's not the same.

GabriellaFaith · 17/08/2023 21:29

Unless you skipped washing your hands and ran there and back it was likely longer than that.

But that aside, I am absolutely shocked at this. You are not allowed to leave them home alone or in the car at that age, this is no different. Im sorry, but it was lazy parenting and not fair to interrupt the other family or make the assumption of them, especially as they were complete strangers.

I work in the NHS and my hubby in the police. Life, sadly, is full of horrid people and accidents. They aren't little and relient on you for long. Parenting isn't about taking the quick and easy option, it's about looking after them, and this was not.

If I ever heard my kids grandparents did this with my kids (who are older, 6) I would without hesitation say they are irresponsible and putting the kids at unnecessary risk and they would not have them again. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I think you really need to think this through and next time take them with you.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 17/08/2023 21:31

I would not have done this....but then, I am one of those parents who breaks out in a cold sweat if there's a closed door between me and my child at home, so I wouldn't pay any attention to what I think!

CandyLeBonBon · 17/08/2023 21:34

Reduxrabbit · 17/08/2023 20:34

Crikey, from second year of primary aged rising 6 I negotiated two bus journeys and a jaunt through a housing estate alone to school and that was perfectly normal. I know times have changed and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my own DC to do that but feel reactions on this thread about perceived risk/ negligence are a bit OTT.

Well we could also argue that kids were sent up chimneys in the 19th century. I too walked too and from school aged 6, and was home alone at that age. I didn't think it was appropriate then and o wouldn't do it now.

It's not fair to saddle a stranger with the responsibility of an unknown child's safety, unless in a fire emergency.

You wouldn't leave your kid with a random member of the public in any other circumstance so why is this ok?

For me, it's not about abduction, it's more about what happens if he decided to get down/wander around/ go out etc. but I had a runner so maybe that's clouding my judgement.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/08/2023 21:34

fire emergency.

Dire emergency. But fire emergency also works!

RojoCarlottaValdez · 17/08/2023 22:13

UltramarineViolet · 16/08/2023 20:17

It sounds like a huge overreaction by the waitress

No, it isn't an overreaction at all. If waiting staff in a restaurant see an infant left alone, they have to do something about it, for very obvious reasons.