Page 16 | Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

Havanawinter · 2023-08-16T19:03:03+00:00

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS. When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 17:32

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 17/08/2023 15:29

As a Girlguiding volunteer let me assure you that 5 year old Rainbows are NOT loosely supervised.
You can't take Rainbows out with less than enough adults for 1 to 3 girls. And you would NEVER leave a Rainbow alone without a DBSed adult (not even a parent helper, to be alone they have to be DBS cleared)
Even at Brownie age your Risk Assessment would most likely say they couldn't be left alone, unless you were somewhere that was privately booked, they couldn't leave and for maybe a couple of minutes and only then maybe at the upper aged end

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I wouldn’t trust anyone with kids In my care. So no sleepovers. There are so many other exciting ways for kids to have fun together so they’re not missing out. That will horrify many of you but I really don’t care. As I mentioned before I have seen and experienced too much, unfortunately. The worst probably won’t happen to your kids but it definitely could happen. Sadly, it happened to Connie Gent and her poor parents.

Nevermay · 17/08/2023 17:35

Goldbar · 17/08/2023 17:31

A lot of these could happen on playdates/trips out with DC and friends. Some are quite frankly fantastical. A very little bit of common sense would resolve most of them 🙄.

If the child had chicken pox or another infectious disease, for instance... well, no shit, my DC and I would probably catch it. Same as we would from an infected child running around in the soft play.

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but if it is friends on a trip out, you know them, you know the parents, and you know what your e being held responsible for

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 17/08/2023 17:36

VinEtFromage · 17/08/2023 15:58

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld

i doubt she genuinely thought that, given the OP was just a few minutes, had left her bag etc at the table. She was just being rude & ridiculous.

There is no 'poor woman' about the waitress. She just wanted to have a go at the OP.

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Yes, because whilst OP wasn't there the waitress KNEW she was only gone for a few minutes

Couldn't possibly have left the phone she wouldn't use anymore and a bag behind when running away from HER OWN CHILD

She wasn't having a go, she expressed concern and then went to alert colleagues they could stand down from panic stations

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 17/08/2023 17:38

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 17:32

I wouldn’t trust anyone with kids In my care. So no sleepovers. There are so many other exciting ways for kids to have fun together so they’re not missing out. That will horrify many of you but I really don’t care. As I mentioned before I have seen and experienced too much, unfortunately. The worst probably won’t happen to your kids but it definitely could happen. Sadly, it happened to Connie Gent and her poor parents.

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Then your poor children are missing out if you won't even let them go on sleepovers and camps with organisations like Guides and Scouts.

They most definitely are missing out. The bonding and experiences and learning from even one night away without parents is so different to a day trip

Roselee1 · 17/08/2023 17:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 17:57

Nevermay · 17/08/2023 17:20

reasonable? what would you do if he didn't come back? if she choked? if a woman turned up and claimed to be the mother? if a different man turned up and said he was the father? If the child screamed out "stranger! stranger!" when you tried to speak to them? If the original man claimed you were trying to abduct his child? If the child had stolen property with them and was being followed by police? If the child had chicken pox or invisible infectious disease? If the management said the child had to leave the premises? If there was a fire alarm? if the child picked up a knife? If the child wet themselves or soiled themselves? If the child was stealing from other customers? If the child dropped and broke a plate? If the child fell and broke an arm? If the child was sick? If the child started crying? If the child came into contact with an allergen? If the child had an asthma attack? I could go on and on and on,

I think it is totally irresponsible to agree to this, or to ask anyone else to do it

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Dear god!

that’s the most whataboutery I’ve ever seen!

You forgot about, what if there was a volcano!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 17:58

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 17:32

I wouldn’t trust anyone with kids In my care. So no sleepovers. There are so many other exciting ways for kids to have fun together so they’re not missing out. That will horrify many of you but I really don’t care. As I mentioned before I have seen and experienced too much, unfortunately. The worst probably won’t happen to your kids but it definitely could happen. Sadly, it happened to Connie Gent and her poor parents.

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You are setting your children up for a lot of future anxiety issues.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 18:00

WonderingWanda · 17/08/2023 14:17

What a load of drama, if she was that worried surely she could have asked him where his Mummy was, at which point I assume your ds or the lady next to you would have said 'she's just nipped to the toilet'. To be honest it sounds more like the lady you asked to watch him was a bit judgey and told the waitress, who also decided to be a bit judgey and tell you off.

Exactly, he’s 5 not 6 months, she just wanted to judge and assert some authority she thinks she has.

Angelil · 17/08/2023 18:16

fitzwilliamdarcy · 17/08/2023 17:22

Japanese children are expected to adhere to rigid behavioural standards from a young age, and Japan has a low crime rate.

The UK is somewhat different.

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My point being that children of that age are not INHERENTLY incapable and yet on this thread/in the UK they are being treated as such.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 17/08/2023 18:22

Angelil · 17/08/2023 18:16

My point being that children of that age are not INHERENTLY incapable and yet on this thread/in the UK they are being treated as such.

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Well sure but it doesn’t really get us anywhere does it? The UK isn’t going to suddenly turn collectivist rather than individualist, adhere to strict and rigid parenting and solve crime, even if British 4 year olds are more capable than their parents think.

Perky1 · 17/08/2023 18:24

Given the circumstances I think you did nothing wrong. If it was after dark at a petrol station and you were popping to loo I think that would be different but in a cafe with a lady happy to keep an eye on child is fine. Chances of lady being a psycho pretty non-existent IMO.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 18:56

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld
I agree that ratios are 1-3 for rainbows but do you sit and stare at all three intently every second you have them.
Or do you have maybe 6 of them doing something whist two adults chat & set up / clean down etc. You may even leave the room to nip to the loo? Whilst another watches for 3 for 5 mins?

Kitcaterpillar · 17/08/2023 18:57

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

It really didn't, no, because it's so tremendously unlikely. Two mums in a cafe and one of them happens to be a child trafficker on her lunch break.

And I actually think that's quite a mad thing to teach your children when they are basically safe. Children aren't routinely being abducted by strangers in the UK.

JusthereforXmas · 17/08/2023 18:58

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 18:37

Did it occur to anyone else that this child could have been stolen by the person who was asked to watch him. There's been kids stolen and sold by perverts and sold out to other perverts. It's a horrible thought but always my first one. I've always told my kids to stay close because someone might steal you. Think about the kids that have just disappeared and even two Drs couldn't have a meal and come back to find their daughter Safe in her holiday hotel in the Algarve. So food for thought 🤔 be a safe mum and take them with you. Good luck 🍀 with all your future endeavours

wow... how do you make it through life?

Reugny · 17/08/2023 19:05

Kitcaterpillar · 17/08/2023 18:57

It really didn't, no, because it's so tremendously unlikely. Two mums in a cafe and one of them happens to be a child trafficker on her lunch break.

And I actually think that's quite a mad thing to teach your children when they are basically safe. Children aren't routinely being abducted by strangers in the UK.

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Children in my neck of the woods are extremely more likely to be helped out of danger by strangers, than abducted by them.

WhisperingHi · 17/08/2023 19:08

My child is the same age and I'd have taken him with me. It's just not worth the risk.

VinEtFromage · 17/08/2023 19:16

User1145 · 17/08/2023 16:18

The OP asked for honest opinions and that I shared, you don't need to quote me and respond to anything. Enjoy your day!

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@User1145

yes, she asked for opinions. Fair enough, you can certainly give your opinion but when you start posting things as facts other people are allowed to ask you to support those 'facts'.

but clearly you can't.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 17/08/2023 19:23

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 18:56

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld
I agree that ratios are 1-3 for rainbows but do you sit and stare at all three intently every second you have them.
Or do you have maybe 6 of them doing something whist two adults chat & set up / clean down etc. You may even leave the room to nip to the loo? Whilst another watches for 3 for 5 mins?

What a ridiculous comment

Not sitting staring at them intently is not the same as LEAVING THE ROOM.

And if they are in the meeting then random members of the public aren't around.

If out and about and one adults needs the toilet then you'd get all the girls together and watch them. You wouldn't just let 3 of them do whatever without supervision because "their" adult was missing.

You really can't see the difference?

Blueink · 17/08/2023 19:27

I wouldn’t have left valuables lying out on the table with a young child or asked a fellow diner to keep an eye on the child.

It put the waitress in a difficult situation by not telling her you were quickly popping to the loo, 2 minutes can feel like a long time if you are panicking.

We don’t know her life experience or why she was so upset. YABU

PoshPineapple · 17/08/2023 19:31

I wouldn't personally, but you know your child better than anyone and obviously feel safe to do so.

To be honest, I was more alarmed that you left your bag, purse and phone on the table under the custody of a 5 year old!

Regularhuman · 17/08/2023 19:33

I was a waitress for years, countless mums over the years asked to keep an eye on their kid when going to the loo.

Misspiggy1012 · 17/08/2023 19:44

Yeah people like em Mira Hindly I think that's how you spell her name she had children and she would just love to meet someone as carefree as you I sleep soundly knowing that my children are safe sleeping in their bedroom. I have ADHD so my mind does go hundred miles a minute but I'm always safe. It's people who are carefree that wonder why was my child abused by the neighbour or uncle or person who sat next to us in a restaurant. Lmao

Blueink · 17/08/2023 19:47

StarDolphins · 17/08/2023 07:37

Nbody can ever be truly sure about anything in life where kids are concerned though. There’s always things that could, might, maybe happen. That’s life!

Children that have no risk or small bits of independence grow up to be neurotic & anxious.

My friend works in the MH crisis team & she said it’s a catastrophe with so many dependent children that just can’t cope with life.

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We have 4x increase in referrals to CAMHS since 2019. How much does your friend think parents taking their 5 year old to a public toilet with them contributed to this, versus aftermath of a worldwide pandemic, being in the midst of a cost of living crisis?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 17/08/2023 19:48

You did nothing wrong