Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

[Havanawinter]

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

It happened a few years ago close to where I am sitting right now. Unknown to abductor, father was outside having a smoke and was able to get the child back from the man leaving with her.

link to news story please @Nevermay or were you told this by the cousin of a cousin…..

Yes, I agree there could be other contributing reasons of course. My personal opinion is that children that aren’t able to have small amounts of independence & risk cope less later on than those that do.

It was in our local paper at the time, but I cant remember exactly when it was.

It was in our local paper at the time, but I cant remember exactly when it was.

uhuh

This child wasn't left alone, they were left under the supervision of another parent.

So people criticising the OP for leaving her child alone are missing the point.

The real question is whether the OP was naive to trust a strange mum who she didn't know.

which is completely unreasonable

If you want to find out about all reported child abduction in the uk in the last year, I am sure you can google it, I just did and found 30 or 40 where the potential abductor was not know to the child.

I don't know why you want the one in my street particularly - there are dozens of others

Another bloody thread where the OP doesn’t return 🤬

In your opinion. Other people have expressed alternative opinions.

Personally, I can't really get exercised about it given that in a year or so, this child will be going unaccompanied to parties and playdates in private houses and that will be a much bigger danger than being supervised in a public restaurant by a stranger for 2 minutes.

Nor do I think it a huge imposition to ask the mum to keep an eye. If the other mum had felt it was, she could always have used her words and said "no", "I'd prefer not to", "I don't feel comfortable with that" or some other variant on the same theme.

I would have told the waitress I would be back in a few mins and not to clear the table but I would have taken valuables and the child with me. Just because someone has kids with them it doesn't make them an honest human or a responsible one and it's irresponsible to leave you possessions and child with a stranger.

I'd probably have taken my kid with me at that age. But tbh, it's not that big of a deal. The waitress was overreacting.

Is this based on evidence based research? If so, can you please point me to it as I am very interested to learn more.

Tbf, I worked in hospitality for over a decade and you'd be disgusted to know how many parents literally just leave.
I've stopped about 7 kids from being taken by strangers while mum or dad are in the loo or out for a cig, had to call social services twice as kids have been left in a busy pub and have been sat with my staff for over an hour hoping a parent is looking for them before the venue has emptied out and we've got nobody looking for this child.

The waitress may have seemed harsh but there are some terrible people out there. Staff deal with them alot.

Surely, as you enter the restaurant you ask for a table but then go together to the loo?

Go back to the table with your kid and take off your coat?

Am i missing something?!

Nope.

Sleepovers here amongst my big group of friends only started around aged 8 when everyone was happy that the kids would be happy.

Same with our cubs/brownies - they don't go away overnight until around 8 either.

There's a huge difference in maturity, impulse control and awareness between 5 and 8.

I still maintain she should take a 5 year old to the toilet with her.

I've stopped about 7 kids from being taken by strangers while mum or dad are in the loo

the bullshit on this thread has jumped the shark

@sillyuniforms and yes in answer to your snippy little question, I have teen DC, who are healthy happy and independent - but I still wouldn't risk this at 5 years old. I remember they can do daft things without thinking.

You sound very irresponsible. Trying to encourage others to parent poorly and put their kids at unnecessary risk.

It depends on the type of cafe, how busy it was and what type of child you have. Waitress sounds dramatic though.

I think I see where you're coming from, that it's easier to just nip to the loo rather than the negotiating and disturbance with a 5 year old who may not have needed the loo. However I think YABU asking another parent who's a stranger to watch over your child, also just because nothing happened if you've done it before, doesn't mean it wouldn t this time. Even if your 5 year old normally sits and colours and is a more emotionally developed child, there are still accidents that can happen or bad people around to take advantage. It's not worth the risk is it.
I think the waitress sounds like she overreacted a bit, but she was probably just shocked you left such a young person to be responsible themselves , even if just a short time.

This.

@sillyuniforms it's not all about the "child catcher" stop harping on about that. As I said in my original post, the more likely scenario is child gets upset and wanders off to find Mummy, bumps into waiters carrying hot food and drinks etc.

I'd have no trouble saying no - I'm out to enjoy a meal, not to babysit someone else's toddler (even if for 2 minutes).
Not a risk I'm happy taking on when I'm supposed to be out relaxing.

Its actually very sensible not to leave your child at 5 at the table by themselves and doesnt mean you take no risks or make that child entirely dependent upon you.

Yes exactly.

Posters berating us as if we are totally risk averse when actually, we are just being sensible and not taking a completely unnecessary risk, by the simple act of taking our 5 year old with us to the loo, rather than leaving them alone in an open public place, possibly "watched" by a stranger who may be too busy with own kids/unconcerned to "keep an eye".

We are not cotton woolers, we are just sensible normal parents!

I wouldn't have left him alone or asked a stranger to watch him sorry.

It's also not fair on child if he looked up to find no familiar face, just this waitress getting distressed about the parent