Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

[Havanawinter]

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

Absolutely astounded by this thread. Is society broken to the point where people really don’t ask another adult to keep an eye on a well-behaved nearly 6 year old for 2 mins?! I have both kept an eye on other people’s kids and asked them to keep an eye on mine in similar situations. It’s totally normal.

Yes it is frankly. Its one thing to ask a fellow parent at school who you vaguely know and a complete other to ask a random stranger in restaurant with busy footfall when you've no idea who that stranger is

I was right there! It was a courtyard outside a cafe, there was no where for him to run to and why would he have run off anyway? He was seated comfortably with a piece of cake in front of him while I walked to the door of the cafe to get the attention of the waitress to ask for milk for my tea. Do you never turn your back on your child in public for a minute? I can't say I was expecting him to be dive bombed by a seagull but I'll make sure I add that to my mental list of risks when making similar decisions in future.

Another parent who was a complete stranger!?

Nbody can ever be truly sure about anything in life where kids are concerned though. There’s always things that could, might, maybe happen. That’s life!

Children that have no risk or small bits of independence grow up to be neurotic & anxious.

My friend works in the MH crisis team & she said it’s a catastrophe with so many dependent children that just can’t cope with life.

A nearly 6 year old is perfectly capable of sitting and waiting on his mum while she nips to the loo. I really despair of some people

Well, mine isn't. I really despair of people thinking everyone is the same. At that age, capability varies. Plus, it's other people I don't trust. That's reality.

And she thinks that catastrophe of people who can't cope with life has been caused by parents taking five year olds with them when they nip to the loo in a restaurant, does she?

It happened a few years ago close to where I am sitting right now. Unknown to abductor, father was outside having a smoke and was able to get the child back from the man leaving with her.

@Seaswimmingforthesoul

yeah, in a cafe, while she nipped to the loo ,not when she ran a marathon or went to Spain on her holiday!

Haven't RTWT but wondering if anyone else has mentioned the fact the waitress might well be worried that OP had abandoned her child there?

Poor woman was just concerned about a child, confronted the mom to let her know and then presumably went to another colleague to say "it's ok, mom has come back. But that was scary wasn't it?"since they'd probably discussed the situation first. And here she is getting blasted for being concerned for OP's child!

My daughter fell off a picnic bench backwards, hit her head and was in hospital overnight with severe concussion. If you think these things can't happen, you're delusional. These things happen ALL the time. The point is that the risk is VASTLY reduced by the mum just taking her child with her. Why would you leave a 5 year old unattended if you didn't need to?
And the James burger case is remembered due to the age of the perpetrators, not because abductions are rare.
If you want to take risks and be a sloppy parent you go for it, but don't admonish others for being cautious.

The point is that you get on with your life and don’t sweat this stuff but you behave in such a way that you don’t court danger. People who would have taken their child to the loo with them do not have their minds full of maniacs round every corner but it is second nature for them to carry the child with them.

despite the awful things that I have experienced or witnessed I don’t actually see danger ready to pounce on me at any moment but it is second nature for me to not put myself in the way of possible harm. The situations I voiced on here are not constantly on my mind. On a forum like this you’re just trying to give examples which can sound far fetched out of context.

When you drive a car you don’t wear a seatbelt thinking that you are going to crash that day, yet you wear a seatbelt.

One thing that alarms me on this thread is how those who don’t get what I am on about have been so quick to throw around offensive slurs. Why would they do that? Why not just disagree without resorting to insults? I belong to an older generation and it just doesn’t make sense to me why people do that.

Mmm probably not on his own. Just in case - you never know what could happen. A fire alarm, just to mention one possibility.

That said, I once witnessed a horrific scene where a dad left his kid on the own in a restaurant, seemingly to go to the toilet, and then just never came back. It happens fairly often near me that a family will come and get a table, then leave the kids colouring in or on iPads etc whilst they go off shopping for half an hour.

that's the point really, don't dump the issue onto a stranger. What is the poor woman supposed to do?

You clearly don't think your child can be left unsupervised, or you wouldn't have asked her, but it is not her problem, at all.

Not 1 specific thing, you’re being pedantic. A general theme of not taking any calculated risks with children due to seeing danger in everything & anything.

We can’t live our lives expecting danger at every place they go. Something bad could happen at nurseRy, school, play dates, Absolutely anywhere so should we just keep them by our side always ‘just incase’.

Most people don’t live their lives seeing danger everywhere but they try not to expose themselves or their loved ones to harm.

if I was in the cafe situation like op I wouldn’t be thinking a child in my care would be abducted. But it would be 2nd nature to take them with me.

I know I have seemed paranoid on here but trust me I live a carefree life but I have seen and experienced too much to be careless.

No way would I leave my 5 year old or ask a stranger to watch them.

My child would always come with me. Yabu

Ah, your backpedalling becomes my pedantry. Ta da!

You're on a thread about taking five year olds to the toilet with you in a public place and suggesting that it is at least in part the cause of a catastrophe in which people can't cope with life.

Clearly you don't believe that as you wouldn't be backpedalling now, so just drop it.

Where have I said this 1 situation is the cause? I haven’t. No backpedaling either.

So yes, you’re still being pedantic & my reply still stands!

Your comment is right there. People can see it. However, since you clearly agree now that taking your kids to the loo with you in a public place has nothing to do with a catastrophe of people who can't cope with life, it doesn't matter.

It's a bit of a leap if what you're implying is that my child could end up in MH crisis with my or a similar approach because of no risk or small bits of independence. And if you're not implying that its irrelevant to my comment.

Theres a huge difference between not choosing to leave your child under the observation of a stranger while you go to the loo and giving them absolutely no independence nor exposure to any risk.

FWIW my child is extremely independent. Particularly compared to her peers. I believe that independence has grown from independent thought and the amount of choices she is able to make age appropriately, that she attends nursery while I work, that I encourage her to pay for things in shops/cafes herself etc and treat her like a human being with an equal respect and importance to myself. And in terms of risk I allow her to make her own choices within reason to explore and climb etc in what my friends as parents clearly perceive as risky situations as they choose to shout be careful and pull their kids away from even attempting climbing frames that are a bit high. She has no problem going off to nursery running to greet her friends but likewise running to me happy when its home time too. She isn't clinging to me like my friends kids who arent given as much autonomy from what I've seen; yet funnily enough whose parents are less vigilant in public than me with things like the OP (from what I've seen).

You are conflating being a parent who won't leave a young child on their own in effect (as the stranger is unknown and can't really be relied upon) with being a parent who wraps their child entirely in cotton wool with no independence or risks at all.

Ah I see this post now.. but again you're taking the theme and running with it. There's a real difference between nursery and leaving them with an absolute stranger completely unvetted etc. Even with nurseries you balance the risk. You view them. Speak to the nursery. Look at their Ofsted reports etc. Its actually very sensible not to leave your child at 5 at the table by themselves and doesnt mean you take no risks or make that child entirely dependent upon you.

I agree with @DrSbaitso. If your friend thinks that there is an increase in children not coping it is probably because it is becoming increasingly hard to cope not because they were cosseted by their parents. Their parents mortgage payments have doubled (or tripled) the cost of living has increased, some families experienced bereavement during COVID. There are very many reasons why children might seem “fragile” right now.

Why have you not quoted this mysterious comment of mine where I said taking a child to the toilet causes future catastrophe? is it because it’s not there?😉

So, again, my reply still stands.

Why don’t you have a read through.