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Original poster

Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

567 replies

Havanawinter · 16/08/2023 20:03

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

OP posts:
Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 00:47

mathanxiety · 17/08/2023 00:24

You were unreasonable.

Why did you think a woman who already had her hands full with her own children could 'keep half an eye' on yours?

If a man did this it would be called entitlement and sexist and taking women for granted, and rightly so.

I'm a mother of several children and if anyone had done this to me when they were all small I would have been so pissed off you would have seen steam coming out my ears.

Why do you think your child wouldn't have left the table and wandered through the restaurant looking for you and getting under the feet of servers carrying hot food and drinks?

I'm Team Waitress on this. It isn't anyone's job but yours to look after your child while you're out.

Because he's 6, not a toddler. And because OP knows her own child and knew he'd stay seated. I'm a mother too and if anyone asked me to keep an eye out for 2 minutes, I'd gladly help her.

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 00:48

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 17/08/2023 00:43

Me and my two children go for brunch/lunch every 6 weeks or so on a Saturday morning to a busy cafe/restaurant as a treat.

They are 5 and 6.5

it horrifies me that people are mollycoddling their children to an extent they can't be left for 2 mins while you go for a pee.

Part of being a good parent is equipping your children to deal with life. That means giving them tiny little safe snippets of independence as often as possible. That gives the the skills and the pathways they need to learn how to become functional adults.

My 6.5 year old will now take herself to the ladies toilets in a familiar place. I still take the 5 year old if SHE needs the toilet because she can't always manage the doors but if I need the toilet they are both happy to stay at the table together eating/colouring or whatever.

no wonder we have a nation of increasingly anxious and depressed children if the prevailing attitude from their parents is that they can't be left in a relatively safe public space for a few minutes.

Disclaimer - I work with sex offenders as part of my job and whilst I wholeheartedly agree there is virtually one on every street, the chances of one roaming round the local bistro cafe just waiting to pounce on the children of a negligent mother who has left them to go for a pee is so low to be almost none.

The biggest risk to your children is from a male relative, the friendly gent next door or that mate of your husband. Not strangers in a cafe.

I also work in a field where I understand the risks & reality,

Olive19741205 · 17/08/2023 00:49

FrostieBoabby · 17/08/2023 00:43

I would never leave a 5 year old alone in a busy restaurant, even if they are going to be 6 on their next birthday.

This is maybe a bit dramatic but I remember watching a programme about the kids murdered by Robert Black years ago that really stuck in mind. On the day one of the girls disappeared from the beach somewhere near Edinburgh, there were several known pedophiles on the beach identified when the police managed to get hold of some video footage and photos taken by other families on the beach that day. It's always stuck in my mind that everywhere kids like to go, so beaches, family restaurants, ice cream vans, old pic-n-mix section in Woolies etc are the places sick bastards loiter and you can't take the chance as you never know who is waiting for you to let your guard down.

Oh god yeah that's exactly the same level of danger as leaving a child beside an adult keeping a close eye on him for 2 minutes and lots of other adults around too, probably cameras as well.

HarrietJet · 17/08/2023 00:52

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 00:48

I also work in a field where I understand the risks & reality,

Show quote history

Do you, though? Because you can't seem to grasp the fact that children playing in a school yard behind a locked gate are statistically safer than sitting alone in a cafe, which is (very!) basic common sense.

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 01:04

Yes @HarrietJet I do. I also work within youth sports & other organisations and am a school governor. Work with Kids age 3-18
DBS checks only flag those convicted. Recently a coach I knew who ran a big kids sports club got caught guilty of sex offences. DBS clear for years as never actually caught. Worked with young boys for years. Most offences also occur in the home.
Do you never let your 5-6 year old out of your sight? Ever?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 17/08/2023 01:10

I guess it all depends on the kid. He is very sensible

No 2 year old is “very sensible”.

HarrietJet · 17/08/2023 01:13

Christ, now we have "sensible" two year olds 🤯.

Goldbar · 17/08/2023 02:04

DameCurlyBassey · 16/08/2023 23:26

This is a stranger, not a friend.

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People approach playdates in a very laissez-faire manner. Parents are slated on here for refusing to leave their DC at drop-off parties or let them do playdates in circumstances where they don't really know the parents at all. That's viewed as being really over-anxious. If I'm having a meal next to another family in a restaurant, that gives me as much information to judge whether the parents are suitable people to supervise my child in public for 2 minutes as I would normally have in deciding whether it is ok for my child to be picked up and go to a private home where God knows what could happen. In both suitable, you go on gut impressions.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 05:27

FlissyPaps · 16/08/2023 21:55

No she’s not. She’s doing her job. Her job which requires her to be constantly moving between front of house and back of house. Wait staff aren’t child minders. Watching unsupervised young children shouldn’t be their responsibility.

Don’t patronise wait staff- it’s a disgusting mindset to have.

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When was she asked to child mind?

Ihavehadenoughalready · 17/08/2023 05:42

You couldn't have gone to the loo before you left to go eat? You couldn't wait until you got back home?

Since it must have an emergency, I would have taken the child with me. And I certainly would not have left my phone or purse unattended, or expected some other patron to watch my child.

I'm also doubting the "two minutes" part. I doubt the waitress would be so concerned if it was only two minutes.

house33 · 17/08/2023 05:46

Clymene · 16/08/2023 20:49

Do opportunist thieves generally wander around chain restaurants? Not my experience

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Gosh, this post is breathtakingly naive!

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 05:55

OP

If you asked me this I would say "Ok" and keep an eye on your son until you came back.

However how do you know I am not a complete psycho who will kidnap and hide your child in my wardrobe?! For example.

I'm not, but how do you know I'm not. I could be.

Better safe than sorry.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:00

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 05:55

OP

If you asked me this I would say "Ok" and keep an eye on your son until you came back.

However how do you know I am not a complete psycho who will kidnap and hide your child in my wardrobe?! For example.

I'm not, but how do you know I'm not. I could be.

Better safe than sorry.

How do you know when you go outside a maniac won’t drive their car on the pavement and into you?

Better safe than sorry?

Or you work on probability?

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 06:03

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:00

How do you know when you go outside a maniac won’t drive their car on the pavement and into you?

Better safe than sorry?

Or you work on probability?

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I don't know; that's the whole point.

Same as OP didn't know the woman was a safe person to watch her son.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:08

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 06:03

I don't know; that's the whole point.

Same as OP didn't know the woman was a safe person to watch her son.

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But she worked on probabilities, that’s the point.

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 06:10

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:08

But she worked on probabilities, that’s the point.

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But she could have been wrong.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:16

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 06:10

But she could have been wrong.

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And you could be wrong stepping outside the door today, because you might happen across a maniac trying to attack you?

it’s a possibility?

Dalekjastninerels · 17/08/2023 06:19

Correct.

I could be attacked if I went outside. But I have to go outside at some stage, but OP did not need to ask the woman; she could have taken her son with her.

londonrach · 17/08/2023 06:20

At 5 they come with you to the toilet unless you a mum friend you know there...not a stranger

Yesabsolutely · 17/08/2023 06:23

StarDolphins · 16/08/2023 23:14

Someone finally talking sense.

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I second this comment!

VinEtFromage · 17/08/2023 06:39

DameCurlyBassey · 16/08/2023 21:40

I'm not sure she was being ridiculous or rude. She was obviously worried - perhaps because she's seen some dodgy types in that cafe.

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@DameCurlyBassey

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it.

that's fine, you don't have to agree with me, but I think she was ridiculous & rude.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:39

Yesabsolutely · 17/08/2023 06:23

I second this comment!

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I also agree with this comment.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:40

VinEtFromage · 17/08/2023 06:39

@DameCurlyBassey

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it.

that's fine, you don't have to agree with me, but I think she was ridiculous & rude.

Show quote history

I also agree she was being ridiculous and rude.

Newmumatlast · 17/08/2023 06:45

Doingmybest12 · 16/08/2023 20:05

I wouldn't have left him or asked a complete stranger to watch him .

Same. Why would you not just take them with you? I get that at 5 you can communicate easily and be pretty sure they'll stay put. But a child's brain hasn't fully developed and they can make irrational decisions. You can never be truly sure.

Newmumatlast · 17/08/2023 06:51

sillyuniforms · 17/08/2023 00:48

I also work in a field where I understand the risks & reality,

Show quote history

So do I and I wouldn't take the risk just because I wouldn't forgive myself if I just happened to be in that slim minority. I do give my child snippets of independence but that would be more like going up to pay for something or walking ahead etc where I can see her and am confident that I could do something. Obviously the older she gets the more independence I will give her. But shes young primary and i think that's enough