Left 5yo alone in a restaurant for 2 minutes

[Havanawinter]

I was in a chain restaurant with DS today who is 5, 6 in November. After the waitress had taken our order I went to the loo, leaving DS happily colouring at the table. Before I left I told the woman at the table next to us (who had young children) that I was nipping to the loo and could she please keep half an eye on DS.

When I arrived back at the table literally 2 minutes later I was basically chastised by the waitress for leaving. “I didn’t know if you were coming back for him! I was so worried!” Which seems a bit far fetched considering I’d also left my phone, purse, keys and bag of shopping on the table. She huffed at me again and left, but I could see her taking to her colleagues across the room about it. That was the end of the whole thing but it left me feeling a bit weird, it never even occurred to me that I was doing something wrong but now I’m wondering if my behaviour was unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome!

I have done exactly the same. Seems an odd reaction to me but perhaps not by the standards of many other posters.

He didn't get shat on? A seagull ate his cake and he was quite upset for a couple of minutes but he got a replacement cake and all was well.

I guess it all depends on the kid. He is very sensible and I knew he would stay put for 30 seconds while I walked 5 meters away to ask for milk. There is no way he would have run off. Now he's 8 he gets himself to and from school on his own perfectly capably.

My friend ( mid sixties) and I (mid forties), both women, were once asked to keep an eye on an older child ( say 4-5) while Mum took little brother/ sister to the loo in a coffee shop. LO just got on with its colouring book and the world carried on turning! Mum was back in no time. Btw, friend and I both have grown up kids and were more than happy. Have been there! I think we should chill...

@advicelast yes but every child is not supervised closely all day. Schools defo not. Loosely yes.
The risks of some random stranger suddenly appearing to snatch an almost 6 year old when you nip to the loo for two mins are negligible.

You left your 5yr old with a total stranger? No YABU

Can anyone really say categorically that their 2 year old wouldn't run off if left alone outside a cafe? 🤔

Children are not supervised at school? What are you talking about?

You can’t ask someone at another table to look after your child. At that age, take them with you. Leave colouring in, non-valuables at table, take valuables with you and just alert waitress you are ducking to loo so they can make sure your table is not used (also can’t make this another diner’s problem).

They are generally in a ratio of one adult to 30 kids in term time. in a school environment with dbs checked adults and often locked doors/gates/limited access with cameras etc. NOT a public restaurant/cafe.

They play in parks etc presumably always supervised by a parent/adult

They prob play at home unsupervised all the time. yes and again, likely behind a locked door and NOT in an open and public restaurant!!

Look. Isn't the point of this the fact that you probably weren't unreasonable to leave the child for a few minutes but your main point seemed to be focused on the waitresses response.

You were unreasonable to not let her know what you were doing. She was clearly worried, probably worried whether she was now responsible and how long you would be while she was trying to do her job. No service worker goes out of their way to potentially receive a complaint from a customer so her response shows she WAS worried. Don't kid yourself that she's in the business of purposefully haranguing a sainted 'busy mum'

It's been suggested that the poor woman is complained about, is rude and told to mind her own business so potentially losing her job. She was worried about your child and herself. Have some empathy.

That's go nothing to do with whether your decision to leave the child was correct or not but everything to do with how you informed and responded to the waitress.

No. She nipped to the loo. I would g have even asked anyone

OP
Literally everyone I know in real life would have just nipped to the loo. The level of paranoia on here is silly. Millions of 5/6 year olds do endless activities & sleepovers & overnight beaver/rainbows camps & parties & god knows what else in big ratios loosely supervised. They do not spend their lives behind locked gates.

You were unreasonable.

Why did you think a woman who already had her hands full with her own children could 'keep half an eye' on yours?

If a man did this it would be called entitlement and sexist and taking women for granted, and rightly so.

I'm a mother of several children and if anyone had done this to me when they were all small I would have been so pissed off you would have seen steam coming out my ears.

Why do you think your child wouldn't have left the table and wandered through the restaurant looking for you and getting under the feet of servers carrying hot food and drinks?

I'm Team Waitress on this. It isn't anyone's job but yours to look after your child while you're out.

There you go again, insisting that kids at school, beavers, sleepovers at someone else's private home, etc. are only "loosely" supervised.
It's bollocks, however many times you say it.

I suppose it depends whether you consider being in among strangers ‘alone’, and what you consider to be the danger.

If the danger is choking, then lots of strangers around is good.
If the danger is wandering off / getting kidnapped, lots of strangers around is a risk.

@HalloumiLuvver do you have kids over the age of 5?
Most I know just leave them at endless activities without close scrutiny. It was 5 min in a restaurant where people would notice if a random person ran in and tried to snatch a 5/6 year old

The idea of leaving my 6 year old alone in a restaurant even for a second is making me feel anxious and my 6 year old is such a good, sensible kid. You just don’t know other people and a child that young just isn’t safe alone.

I did rectify the shit bit.

No 2 year old is sensible.

All was well and good for him.

Your posts are so odd... Maybe it's the company you keep?
do you have kids over the age of 5?
Most I know just leave them at endless activities without close scrutiny
is really not the norm.

@HarrietJet you may think I'm bonkers but where I live in a city suburb there seriously isn't the level of hysteria about leaving a 5-6 year old for a few mins in a safe place with other adults around. Kids play in parks whilst parents chat a distance away. Kids play out. Kids go on sleepovers.

As above, they're not sensible, they're still toddlers. Hey ho 🤷

@HarrietJet
Our primary has 150 kids in a year group. They have a handful of TAs in the play ground and at lunch.
Loosely supervised. Whatever the min ratio is. Eating & playing.
No one can abduct them as locked gates etc but then the odds of a child catcher running into a restaurant at the exact minute you nip to the loo are also v low.

Me and my two children go for brunch/lunch every 6 weeks or so on a Saturday morning to a busy cafe/restaurant as a treat.

They are 5 and 6.5

it horrifies me that people are mollycoddling their children to an extent they can't be left for 2 mins while you go for a pee.

Part of being a good parent is equipping your children to deal with life. That means giving them tiny little safe snippets of independence as often as possible. That gives the the skills and the pathways they need to learn how to become functional adults.

My 6.5 year old will now take herself to the ladies toilets in a familiar place. I still take the 5 year old if SHE needs the toilet because she can't always manage the doors but if I need the toilet they are both happy to stay at the table together eating/colouring or whatever.

no wonder we have a nation of increasingly anxious and depressed children if the prevailing attitude from their parents is that they can't be left in a relatively safe public space for a few minutes.

Disclaimer - I work with sex offenders as part of my job and whilst I wholeheartedly agree there is virtually one on every street, the chances of one roaming round the local bistro cafe just waiting to pounce on the children of a negligent mother who has left them to go for a pee is so low to be almost none.

The biggest risk to your children is from a male relative, the friendly gent next door or that mate of your husband. Not strangers in a cafe.

I would never leave a 5 year old alone in a busy restaurant, even if they are going to be 6 on their next birthday.

This is maybe a bit dramatic but I remember watching a programme about the kids murdered by Robert Black years ago that really stuck in mind. On the day one of the girls disappeared from the beach somewhere near Edinburgh, there were several known pedophiles on the beach identified when the police managed to get hold of some video footage and photos taken by other families on the beach that day. It's always stuck in my mind that everywhere kids like to go, so beaches, family restaurants, ice cream vans, old pic-n-mix section in Woolies etc are the places sick bastards loiter and you can't take the chance as you never know who is waiting for you to let your guard down.

No I would not leave a child that age alone in a restaurant anymore than I would leave my handbag unattended. How hard is it to use the bathroom before or just after ordering and take the child too ?