partner moving in and we can't agree

[twelia]

Please help me resolve and issue with my partner.

Backstory:

I used to live in a tiny box room in a gorgeous flat. I had a live in landlord who was very strict about cleanliness and appearance of the flat. Living in a nice flat just increased my happiness so much, everything felt so clean. One of her rules was no clothes hanging to dry unless it was in your room (there was a dryer provided).

Move to now and boyfriend has no sense of aesthetics. I have bought a flat which I have lived in for a couple of months while doing essential works. it's nowhere near complete but just about livable with a nice kitchen and bedroom, a good enough bathroom, and an unusable living room.

The situation:

Partner due to move in. I just installed an expensive washer dryer so I can dry my clothes in the machine for three reason: I live in a flat and don't want the condensation from the drying to cause mould (or to open my windows which is needed with drying clothes as I live in a freezing corner of the UK). The second reason is that we have absolutely nowhere to store a clothes dryer there is so little storage and what is there is already taken. The third reason is that I want my home to feel like a lovely space, and there is only one space to dry clothes and it would be in my living room. It should make it feel messy and not a place I want to be. It takes me back to my student days.

He says that the the dryer will ruin his polyester clothes.

AIBU?

I meant to say we put them in the bathroom to dry

When I had a tiny flat, I had an airer that went over the bath. Then I discovered it fitted in the full height airing cupboard where the hot water tank was.

I had a washer/dryer at first and it was really rubbish at drying and died very quickly. Hopefully yours will be more successful.

I think you're going to need to compromise.

Would you consider one of these? I have mine somewhere inconspicuous and when not in use it’s not noticeable. I have in a beige colour which is the colour of the wall.

Dmyuki Wall Mounted Clothes Airer, Clothes Drying Rack Foldable, Wall Mounted Drying Rack Laundry, Clothes Dryer Washing Rack Indoor Outdoor Folding, 5m Drying Space, Black 100cm https://amzn.eu/d/3SmCfHc

Your house, your rules.

I thought I was a laundry queen but I learnt a few things from this thread!

Related moan...hanging wet towels over doors is the worst. I need more hooks, towel rails heated towel rails etc

Tumble dry the things that can be, get this for the bits that can’t be, they’re great, you could put it up in the bedroom with a window open a bit and then pack it away when dry.

https://www.lakeland.co.uk/53211/dry-soon-drying-pod

Also bear in mind that a washer dryer isn’t as good as a separate dryer, clothes also get more creases in it.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect him to use a dryer on the clothes that will damage/shrink.

I agree about having wet washing about, I tumble dry 90% off things the rest go in the pod above. I build it when it’s needed and dismantle it as soon as the clothes are dry.

That's because it's her house, you numpty!

Did he say the tumble dryer will ruin his polyester clothes or did he say the tumble dryer would ruin his clothes and you’ve put a snobbish spin on it?

I certainly wouldn’t tumble everything. Linen, denim, wool, silk, knitwear, lingerie… you’d ruin a lot of things by tumbling.

I hate having clothes draped all over too, makes me feel depressed.

You can get some pretty stylish fold out racks nowadays though and I personally find an old fashioned Victorian style one that can be pulleyed out of the eyeline is just about aesthetically acceptable!

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/ballardreno/clothes-drying-racks/

https://pulleymaid.com/classic_clothes_airer.htm?gad=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvsn98prngAMVA5RoCR1WCgxxEAQYDyABEgIQTPD_BwE

Lots of fabrics won’t tumble dry though - I love mine but you’ll have to air dry somethings.

We have tumble dryer but not everything can go in it. So we have one of those metal clothes horses. It either sits in the kitchen or at the top of the stairs.

clothes need to dry, so we do what we need to do.

if we have guests then I put it in our bedroom.

We have a lines in our laundry that stretch across the room where we dry things like socks and underwear. I put towels and sheets in the dryer. There are some things though that you simply can't tumble dry like jerseys, silk shirts, tights, and so on. Don't know about polyester though. In fact almost anything good, I wouldn't tumble dry. We have a drying rack for stuff that doesn't fit on the internal lines and can't be tumble dried. Do you really only own stuff that can be tumble dried? I obviously hide the drying rack away if we have visitors expected.

I don't tumble dry everything it shrinks a lot of fabrics. Underwear bedding PJ's and towels etc are ok. But my son was in a residential school and they had to put signs up in the laundry telling staff not to tumble dry the children's clothes. It was shrinking the kids clothes which meant a lot of they're trousers were half mast.

With a washer dryer you can't tumble dry as much as you wash, so you either cut down your wash loads (inefficient) or you tumble the amount you can and hang the rest somewhere.

I’m sorry but who in the world has the same ‘aesthetic view point’ as their male partner. Get a grip, most men are messy, if you don’t want that then don’t live with a man. You can’t tumble dry wool or polyester so what are you expecting? Honestly not hanging up clothes because it doesn’t go with your ‘aesthetics’ is absolutely bonkers and weird. Get professional help if that is something you are considering not moving forward in life with a partner over.

I'm pretty sure this dilemma is indicative of very differing expectations. The ltb advice is basically saying you probably aren't compatible. This is a big enough issue for someone to post about. I had a partner who thought it was necessary to dry the bath/shower immediately after use. Being nagged/bullied at 730 when I'm trying to get ready for work was a problem. They would also whisk away cups that I was still using. If I objected I was instructed to hurry up and drink that last bit as it was 'cluttering up' the living room and looking messy. Lots of other examples. Our idea of how a living space should operate were totally at odds. It became a factor in the relationship breakdown. I think people are saying don't even try. No judgement as such., no one's a B.

I hate tumble driers they make everything weird but regardless doesn't like a match anyway

We are a family of 4 (kids aged 6 and 8). I hate washing hanging around the house. I tumble dry everything. I do approximately one wash and one dry per day. My gas & electric bills are £150/month, which is less than most of my friends with similar sized families. It doesn’t cost a fortune to run a drier and you can just buy clothes that survive the drier. I’ve ruined a couple of items over the years but it’s worth the sacrifice to me! I don’t wear knitwear. I am living proof that the system works OP.

You might find a dehumidifier helpful to quickly dry any linen on a rack that can't be tumble dried? We have the Meaco DD8L which is brilliant. It doesn't take up much space (it's only like a knee high white box with an inbuilt reservoir to collect water from the vapour it sucks in, then easily poured down the sink). Different fan settings, an ioniser and a laundry drying function. Doesn't cost much to run either.

He is right, you can't tumble dry sports clothes
My teenage boys live in nike/adidas sports clothes and you can't tumble dry them
They do however dry very quickly.

I think you should compromise on him being able to air dry these particular clothes and tumble dry everything else.

The polyester had me dumping him but then I realised all our sports clothes are made from it. I had visions of crimplene trousers and bri nylon shirts (oops showing my age). My tumble drier has a low setting which works fine on sports stuff (drier sheets to prevent static?) You will have to sort and dry 2 lots at different temps. Maybe dry some of his older stuff like this to prove it isn't ruined

Not everything can be tumble
dried. And shirts dry quick when hung up on a hanger. I’d let it go. We had a washer dryer in our first flat and it was quite slow so we ended up with a drying rack as well.

yes all his polyester clothes are sportswear!

Me too!😂

Those usually dry super quick, within the hour, don't they? More so if you put your washing machine on an additional rinse cycle after it has finished its usual cycle (that's a trick I use in the winter so I don't run the drier too long).