partner moving in and we can't agree

[twelia]

Please help me resolve and issue with my partner.

Backstory:

I used to live in a tiny box room in a gorgeous flat. I had a live in landlord who was very strict about cleanliness and appearance of the flat. Living in a nice flat just increased my happiness so much, everything felt so clean. One of her rules was no clothes hanging to dry unless it was in your room (there was a dryer provided).

Move to now and boyfriend has no sense of aesthetics. I have bought a flat which I have lived in for a couple of months while doing essential works. it's nowhere near complete but just about livable with a nice kitchen and bedroom, a good enough bathroom, and an unusable living room.

The situation:

Partner due to move in. I just installed an expensive washer dryer so I can dry my clothes in the machine for three reason: I live in a flat and don't want the condensation from the drying to cause mould (or to open my windows which is needed with drying clothes as I live in a freezing corner of the UK). The second reason is that we have absolutely nowhere to store a clothes dryer there is so little storage and what is there is already taken. The third reason is that I want my home to feel like a lovely space, and there is only one space to dry clothes and it would be in my living room. It should make it feel messy and not a place I want to be. It takes me back to my student days.

He says that the the dryer will ruin his polyester clothes.

AIBU?

OP I absolutely agree with all that people have been saying about tumble dryers. I am more concerned, however, by your statement that you don't want to have open windows. All houses, wherever they are, need ventilation - to remove cooking smells and steam, to remove moisture vapour from showers/baths etc etc. Even simply breathing produces quite a lot of water vapour that needs to drift out somehow. A through draught is ideal, but even a few open windows for an hour or two are better than nothing.

I live in NW Scotland - one of the wettest parts of the UK. But I - and my neighbours- regularly open windows so that old stale damp warm air can flow out. (As I am sure you know, warm air (which holds more moisture than dry air) will flow out without mechanical intervention until a temperature equilibrium has been achieved between inside/outside.)

If you are not planning ever to open windows, then I shudder to think what your flat will smell like and how damp/mouldy it will get.

As others have said, dehumidifiers - in as small a room as possible, and with the door and window closed - are brilliant and use much less energy than a tumble drier - and so are vastly cheaper and better for the environment.

My DH is one of the messiest people on the planet. But he is so much more important to me than his untidiness. And his bits and pieces are important to him, and creative. After several decades, all I can suggest is trying to contain the muddle somehow. Of course it spills over from time to time, but really, is that such a problem? With goodwill on both sides, it can soon be tidied away. We are fortunate, my DH has a study and a workshop. Is there any similar sort of arrangement - a shed in the garden (incidentally, with a through draught, brilliant for drying clothes on a clothes rack or similar) - that you and your boyfriend can work out TOGETHER for your flat?

We had a pull out dryer over the bath when in a flat. Would that work for you? You certainly can't tumble dry everything.

Personally, I wouldn't date someone who wore polyester

Yes, it's a funny comment about polyester but, come on, be realistic. Most -especially male - sports kit is made of polyester. Nasty but almost inescapable. I assume that's what we are talking about here. Personally, I'd give OP's boyfriend brownie points for wanting to wash it and keep it hygienic and sweet smelling. As I said above, the key thing is surely to talk about the problem and try to solve it together.

I laughed at this, but to be honest I wouldn't be attracted to a man who wears a lot of polyester.

I'm in the US - I dry everything in the machine. I've never not. You handle an item once. I also don't have to iron clothing.

1. Tumble dryers are bad for the environment.
2. It is however, true, that drying inside increases damp problems, particularly when you can't open the windows.
3. I tumble dry EVERYTHING. Not had a problem with big winter jumpers.

(This is because I take a massive suitcase to the laundrette, not because I 'don't like the look' of the clothes horse).

Dehumidifier in bathroom to dry clothes in bathroom this would work brilliantly and cheaper to run than a dryer. Also v good at combatting damp mould condensation in bathroom.

Tumble drier date so expensive to run these days .
they make extra work with ironing.

You won’t like this idea but the best invention ever is a heater airer . By Lakeland around £200 but they run on pennies .
if you must get a drier and use for towels or emergency’s.

my old washer/dryer was useless couldnt even dry socks-maybe theyre better now but i do agree with your dp

Here's a couple of over the door airers you might like.

If where to dry clothes is such a massive issue, I don’t think your relationship is cut out to survive the real problems .

I can imagine OP doesn't have a big enough bathroom. The suggestion of putting them in the bath or shower wouldn't work for me.

Dry stuff in the bathroom as suggested and use a dehumidifier to prevent mould.

He is correct, you shouldn’t tumble dry everything. You can get wall mounted airers, could be an option.

Took the words straight out of my mouth.

YABU
First of all you can't tumble dry everything
Secondly driers cost a fortune to run
Thirdly washer driers are the absolute worst - inefficient and pretty much useless. I have one and it no longer gets used to dry because it just wouldn't dry anything, no matter how long it was running. The damp stuff had to come out and be hung up anyway. And it wasn't a cheap model...

Don't think your relationship is going to work out - not if you are living together. He'll be leaving stuff lying around and making your "beautiful space" look a mess. It's a small flat. It will get on your nerves. You'll end up arguing about all kinds of little stuff.
You'd be much better off not moving him in and keeping your own space the way you want it. Because as soon as someone else moves in it has to work for both of you and both of you have to have "ownership" of it, in the sense of how it is decorated, furnished, used, taking care of it, cleaning etc (rather than ownership in the sense of who actually owns the property).

I live in a small house, just myself and the children. I do tumble dry a fair amount of stuff, but in the summer months it all goes outside on the washing line. He's also right in that you can't tumble dry everything, my sons sports gear drys really fast though, either on the line or inside..You will have to hang clothes up to dry at some point.

The smaller the bathroom the better. You can get really quite small dehumidifiers and get them wired in from a wall outside the bathroom.
Or else simply move them in and out - takes a few seconds.

But REALLY, REALLY, REALLY everyone. Ther eis a much bigger question here. What the xxxx have commercial architects/developers been doing over the past 50 years? They've been designing homes that are not fit for purpose. We all need to wash clothes and dry them. I'm old enough to remember hanging everything out to dry on a line, and for sculleries/kitchens - mostly with solid fuel boilers - to have 'maids' hung overhead - which worked extremely well. Old houses were ALWAYS draughty, and this helped not only with drying but with essential healthy ventilation as well.

The combi boiler - in many ways so easy - has also done away with another essential feature for truly liveable homes: the airing cupboard or (on a bigger scale) drying cupboard. In the UK climate, we can get most things nearly dry on a line for probably 3/4 of the year - yes, even in Scotland - but the last 10%-20% could -traditionally have been dried off in a day or so in an airing cupboard. The cupboard also kept stocks of towles and bedding etc really nice and warm and dry.

I have designed my own house in the past. Now, I'd make it mandatory for all new houses to have a drying system of some sort - the more eco friendly, the better. It would help get rid of (sometimes terribly tragic) mould over-growth and make all homes much more pleasant to live in.

While I'm on my soapbox, I think that washing/drying/caring for clothes is a skill that has been sadly overlooked and undervalued in the last 50 years, also. (I don't like the OP's boyfriend's polyester kit, but for sport it has its purpose. ) But - in line with the movement against exploitative throwaway clothes - I think that young people should be taught - as I was - to really value well-made clothes of natural fibres. They were, if memory serves, often a lot more flattering than baggy/skin-tight disposablefashion. And they lasted for years and years. I'm not talking Victorian era. I grew up in the sixties and seventies. All that silk and velvet and serge (=fine wool) and all those ruffles needed careful looking after. But often, they were so well made and really lovely....

Polyester clothes? Le shudder 😃

@PonyPatter44 Perhaps read the whole thread? Most sports kit - men, women and children - contains an awful lot of polyester. Unless you and yours exercise/do school PE in pure cotton or wool only...

You are completely unreasonable. I couldn't live with your terms and conditions.

You could consider a 3rd way, a drying cabinet https://www.podab.com/products/drying-cabinets/baseline-ts-4-vp

YABU to insist everything be dried in a tumble dryer and windows should never be opened and who knows what other rules...

I think you will find cohabiting (with him or anyone who doesn’t hold your views) stressful.

Hmmm. I'm not commenting without checking first
......

If you have a nest of tables, do you have them all just tucked away, or do you have the smaller 2 pulled out from each other slightly, so they're like steps?

There are things you can’t tumble dry

Can you put it if those ceiling clothes dryers in the kitchen or bathroom