partner moving in and we can't agree

[twelia]

Please help me resolve and issue with my partner.

Backstory:

I used to live in a tiny box room in a gorgeous flat. I had a live in landlord who was very strict about cleanliness and appearance of the flat. Living in a nice flat just increased my happiness so much, everything felt so clean. One of her rules was no clothes hanging to dry unless it was in your room (there was a dryer provided).

Move to now and boyfriend has no sense of aesthetics. I have bought a flat which I have lived in for a couple of months while doing essential works. it's nowhere near complete but just about livable with a nice kitchen and bedroom, a good enough bathroom, and an unusable living room.

The situation:

Partner due to move in. I just installed an expensive washer dryer so I can dry my clothes in the machine for three reason: I live in a flat and don't want the condensation from the drying to cause mould (or to open my windows which is needed with drying clothes as I live in a freezing corner of the UK). The second reason is that we have absolutely nowhere to store a clothes dryer there is so little storage and what is there is already taken. The third reason is that I want my home to feel like a lovely space, and there is only one space to dry clothes and it would be in my living room. It should make it feel messy and not a place I want to be. It takes me back to my student days.

He says that the the dryer will ruin his polyester clothes.

AIBU?

I have a couple of these and have hardly used the tumble dryer since installing them, except for occasionally bedding and towels depending on the weather. Not the cheapest solution, but they actually look quite nice and fold up against the wall when not in use. Those ceiling mounted dryers (pulley maid, foxy dry pro etc.) are stylish, practical and great in a very spacious utility room, but ghastly contraptions when space is limited.

I agree with you I can’t stand anything dying in the house. Of course there are things that can’t go in the tumble dryer but most things can. I tumble nearly everything.

However are you really ready to share your space because it doesn’t really sound like it.

I dry everything in the tumble drier (house prone to damp and mildew, so definitely no wish to have wet washing hanging around). All of my DH's polycotton shirts are in really good condition and some are more than 20 years old and have been tumbled countless times. Same with the polycotton sheets. The only thing I wouldn't tumble dry are woollen jumpers, but we don't have any of those, so all is well. Don't believe everything you read on a textile label - they're only trying to cover their backs and give you the ideal scenario. Labels always used to say 'dry clean only' which was a load bollocks for most stuff.

These even !

I love my home neat and tidy but only tumble dry things I dont want to shrink/be ruined in the Winter or when necessary because of the weather (I am lucky that I can hang washing out). But I would still rather have the airer up in my house than ruin my clothes in Winter, so can totally understand if your partner wants to hang things out.

Regardless of the washing, you still need to open windows every day as homes need fresh air to circulate. We open ours 365 days of the year (even if its icy). Nowhere in the UK is too cold to open windows for most of the year.

Tumble drying is awful for the environment and for your clothes, plus aren't washer dryers a bit shit and set on fire a lot?

Everyone I know dries clothes at home, they just hide it. Get a dehumidifier or open windows. It's just life.

TBH if you're going to want to have a pristine home and control how everything looks, having two people in a small flat is going to make that hard. You really need a roughly similar tolerance of mess or cohabitation gets tricky.

He wears polyester? Bin him off.

Where I live you really can’t dry your washing outside in winter. I really hate washing hanging around. If it says you can tumble dry it then it is tumble dried, even if the garment’s life is shortened. Things that can’t go in the tumble drier go in the bathroom. When we lived in a flat hanging clothes up caused condensation on the windows. All the water that comes out of clothes has to go somewhere. Why does your partner have so much polyester? Apart from sports clothes there is just no need for it.

Definitely this. I bought an Argos dehumidifier that isn't that big so slides under the table, and was only about £120 and it's really effective. As recommended on MN. I'd never thought about one before.

Pennies to run compared to the £££ of a tumble drier and more environmentally friendly. Good to dry out carpets, rugs and curtains too.

You'll find you have lots of clothes that can't be tumbled or will shrink over time if you do. I just use my radiators and hang things over doors and the back of my dining table chairs as I have no room for an airer. Still looks untidy though.

This sort of thing works for clothes which can't be tumble dried.

My friend made a cover for hers which matches the curtains.

Clothes rack over the bath. Dehumidifier running when it's out. Sorted.

Bonkers - you can’t tumble dry everything. Nobody likes the look of clothes airers but it’s the reality of most homes if you want clean clothes.

He buys a v. expensive dehumidifier designed to use in rooms where clothes are drying (~£300)

What about one that you hang from the ceiling?
https://www.lakeland.co.uk/53405/lakeland-extendable-ceiling-airer?src=gfeed&gclid=CjwKCAjw5_GmBhBIEiwA5QSMxAZ4GDZCyZm-xqX_UX6DDymp0hCfw2xjIZa0be9lo7uNIItP3ut0lBoCO7EQAvD_BwE

Fold up airer over the bath/in the shower. You probably have an extractor fan or some other means of dehumidifying in there already.

I am the same as you, I HATE having clothes about everywhere but you simply cannot tumble dry everything.

Living together is about compromise, especially over practical matters,

You need to unclench quite a bit.

How much money do you have OP? I’m guessing a reasonable amount because you’ve bought and renovated a flat.

If this issue is really important to you, why not get a laundry service? You take the laundry to a laundrette, they wash dry iron for you. Then you collect ans put away. It’s expensive but solves the issue. Just throwing it out there!!

From your first post everything in this flat is yours not ours .

It's not going to be easy putting up with someone else living there is it

Washer dryers never seem to work very well for me!

Only on MN would you see someone advise another to leave their partner for lack of mutual values because one of them says you can’t tumble dry certain materials. Unbelievable.

How about a heated airer?

Put it up and on before you go to bed, and then dry clothes and airer away when you get up. They fold flat so will slide behind a wardrobe or under a bed.

I have a tumber dryer, but also a heated airer as not everything will tumble.

If you're concerned about condensation, then I'd recommend a dehumidifier.

I hate having clothes hanging about too, but this is what I do.

Ha ha, exactly what I was going to say 😂

I use a couple of Lakeland heated airers with duvet covers over them to keep the heat in. We’re a family of four adults who generate a lot of washing due to our respective jobs and hobbies or leaky nappies in the case of the baby! You’d only need one heated airer and they fold down neatly when not in use. Much cheaper to use than a tumble dryer and your partner can dry his lovely polyester garments on them too. All this supposes you can’t have an outdoor washing line anywhere though? That’s cheaper still and clothes smell nicer to boot.

Every washer/dryer combo i have used has been hopeless at actually drying clothes, is yours any good OP?