partner moving in and we can't agree

[twelia]

Please help me resolve and issue with my partner.

Backstory:

I used to live in a tiny box room in a gorgeous flat. I had a live in landlord who was very strict about cleanliness and appearance of the flat. Living in a nice flat just increased my happiness so much, everything felt so clean. One of her rules was no clothes hanging to dry unless it was in your room (there was a dryer provided).

Move to now and boyfriend has no sense of aesthetics. I have bought a flat which I have lived in for a couple of months while doing essential works. it's nowhere near complete but just about livable with a nice kitchen and bedroom, a good enough bathroom, and an unusable living room.

The situation:

Partner due to move in. I just installed an expensive washer dryer so I can dry my clothes in the machine for three reason: I live in a flat and don't want the condensation from the drying to cause mould (or to open my windows which is needed with drying clothes as I live in a freezing corner of the UK). The second reason is that we have absolutely nowhere to store a clothes dryer there is so little storage and what is there is already taken. The third reason is that I want my home to feel like a lovely space, and there is only one space to dry clothes and it would be in my living room. It should make it feel messy and not a place I want to be. It takes me back to my student days.

He says that the the dryer will ruin his polyester clothes.

AIBU?

I would cancel him moving in with you. If he's messy and you're tidy it will drive you crazy.

If you want a lovely pristine space I don't think you should live with someone.

@roarrfeckingroar
leave my partner because he wants a clothes dryer, this cracked me up!

For those asking he will be contributing and is a wonderful partner.

Interesting to see most people think i'm being unreasonable. I think a clothes rack that can be hidden behind the door is a fairer compromise. My home is far from instagrammable. Not that I have instagram but it is an aspiration of mine to live in a beautiful home. I am just trying to get there one less clothes dryer at a time!

You can use a dri buddy.

It's like a zip up tent where you hang your clothes on hangers and it blows warm air on them.

Bonus, the clothes are steam ironed, so most things are ready to wear.

You won’t want the dryer on constantly and not everything can be tumble dried anyway. A washer dryer doesn’t eliminate condensation, you still need to be on top of it.

Get an airer that goes on a door and one that goes over your shower/bath.

@twelia Could you put up a pull out a line dryer somewhere in the house? Or are the ceilings too low? or nowhere it would fit

As others have said you simply cannot tumble dry everything. In our house ( me and OH) have about 50% of items which you can tumble and 50% which you can't. If you've never thought about it, have a look at the labels for the tumble dry icon.

Secondly - if you do try to do that, it will bankrupt you. Honestly. All advice is that a tumble dryer is the most expensive item to run in your house

I get you about space, and aesthetics too, because that is something that is important to me - but we ended up putting a wooden board across the bath in the main bathroom and standing our clothes horse on it. We do have an en-suite though, so on a day to day basis we don't use the main bathroom. Not ideal either, but needs must. Only use the tumble drier for towels and sheets generally

You shouldn't get mould in the house from the clothes horse, nor should you have to open a window to get the clothes dry

We also sometimes hang shirts and blouses from a curtail rail if we have been on holiday and have a huge wash when we get back. Could you put up something that would serve the same purpose, somewhere? Perhaps with a curtain in front of it? Or a wall mounted one, say in the bathroom?

Yeah that's definitely a red flag. Run. Run for the hills

I can sympathise with you

I live in a similar set up. My dryer is great but I also find it makes sense to take the clothes out after a little while in the dryer when hot and still a little damp and just hang to finish drying for a hour or so

I also can’t stand the aesthetics of having wet clothes drying in the flat so I mentally compromised and purchased a visually none offensive airer (link below)

https://www.dunelm.com/product/acacia-wood-concertina-airer-1000189099

I tend to now do a wash then 20 to 40 minute dry in the AM then hang the clothes on the airer for a few hours in the day time in the bedroom, they are then ready to put away in the afternoon

Dump him for wearing polyester.

You are being ridiculous. Firstly you can’t actually tumble dry everything, then there’s the face that it isn’t environmentally friendly and there is the fact that it’s costly.
It’s incredibly controlling to say he’s only ever allowed to tumble dry his clothes.

@LittleGreen88 thats much nicer than the plastic tat

It might be worth investing in a small dehumidifier - it will reduce the time your washing is out and prevent any damp problems that might otherwise crop up

Have you looked at the labels of his clothes? If they say they can't go in the tumble dryer, then you'll wreck them by tumble drying. If they say fine, he's being unreasonable

Try your clothes in the bathroom with a dehumidifier and remember - its your fucking flat.

You sound too rigid and too fixated on your idea of a "beauiful home." Living together won't work unless you can see things more in grey than black and white.

If you install hardcore extractor pump fan into the bathroom, you could have a clothes rack in the bathroom and clothes will be dry by the time you get home from work. Works in the depths of winter - if you are renovating anyway?

Yes a dehumidifier is what you need

Love mumsnet. Ltb for not using the tumble dryer.

Is the question if you're being unreasonable for not wanting clothing rack in the living room? You're not.

If you're being unreasonable for expecting him to use the tumble dryer for his clothes? You are.

Are you looking for tips in how to air dry clothing without the rack being in the livingroom Or just venting how much you hate the drying rack?

We've got a Lakeland heated airer and we use it in the spare room with the window locked open. Never get condensation from it and I'm now really shocked how much damage tumble drying clothes did. It really shrinks your clothes.

🤣

I concur with this.

Otherwise, PP are mistaken: you can buy dryers in which you can dry pretty much everything (I have one). They're not cheap, though.

Does your boyfriend need to move in immediately? Could you not ease into it? How long have you been together?

We dry everything in a tumble dryer (no outdoor space and not much indoors either). Never melted anything yet. It is expensive though.

It sounds like OP is the type to get annoyed that her partner is making the sofa look messy by sitting on it.

It really is isn’t it, it was so nice to get rid of the white plastic one I had, it really makes a difference. I was a bit hesitant at the price but the quality is better than expected also so I’m pleased.

(I passed the plastic one onto someone who wanted it)

i tend to do 2 smaller washes a week rather than 1 big one also which helps also as I’m just in a one bed flat so the drying takes up less space and dries quicker (I think)