Page 15 | To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

AttackCherubim · 2023-08-15T10:33:12+00:00

DS starts school tomorrow. DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country. They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly. DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it. I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job" I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work. AIBU to be annoyed?

Mrsmch123 · 16/08/2023 23:12

Think I'm with the minority here who thinks that he absolutely should be there. He can go in late to work.

gogomoto · 16/08/2023 23:12

Is it a thing for two parents to be there? Certainly wasn't when mine started school. We did both drop dd at boarding school though and at university... but due to overnight stay in nice b&b

gogomoto · 16/08/2023 23:17

And with an autistic child it's probably best not to make a big thing of it. My dd certainly reacted negatively for anything that was hyped! I did pick her up early from her first day because they quickly realised that she wasn't quite what they were expecting (despite me sending reports, drs notes etc. She basically wanted proper work and couldn't understand why there was so much noise in the room, they asked me to pick her up before "golden time"

gogomoto · 16/08/2023 23:19

@Toddlerteaplease

Leicester still starts earlier, typically the day after bank holiday Monday

InSpainTheRain · 16/08/2023 23:42

YABU, even with the dripfeed I don't see why you have to both be there. Save his leave for when you need it.

SpringIntoChaos · 17/08/2023 00:17

Goshdarnitgoofy · 15/08/2023 12:10

I’ll go against the grain and say I agree with you.

Both me and my husband have booked the day off for my sons first day tomorrow. In fact, we have other families coming to wave him off too. Also - don’t kids finish at mid day on the first day? My son does so we are doing a family lunch to celebrate.

Wow 😯 I have no words for this performance!

UsingChangeofName · 17/08/2023 00:18

You were BU, but I am glad it all went well on his first day.

Well it was certainly a thing when I started school in 1990, so at least 30+ years.
Must be quite a local thing then, as it never has been in any of the schools I've taught in (since the mid 80s) nor has it at any of my dcs' schools, nor my dns schools.

If you are both at work, then you will really need to save all your leave for covering holidays, meetings, training days, appointments, and sickness - not doubling up, especially, if he is autistic, not for events it really makes sense to tone down and not raise the levels of "unusualness".

Puffalicious · 17/08/2023 00:41

SpringIntoChaos · 17/08/2023 00:17

Wow 😯 I have no words for this performance!

Show quote history

It's not a performance, it's very much a thing in many parts of Scotland. Are you always this rude when others have different traditions?

For those aghast at school returning today, locally we stopped on June 23rd, so 7 weeks & 2 days holiday- quite enough.

HarrietJet · 17/08/2023 00:48

It's a tradition?

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 17/08/2023 01:06

@AttackCherubim I agree OP

I would also be upset at this. I am forever organising nursery, childcare, appointments for my pending pregnancy and all he has to do is get up and go to work. I appreciate he works much longer hours than us to give us tje life we have but it would just be nice for once for him to use his own initiative and book this time off. My eldest starts school next September and I think it'd such a high milestone.

Your hubby won't ever remember that he had to work to sort out an issue however he will always remember he missed out on first day of school x

HarrietJet · 17/08/2023 01:08

he will always remember he missed out on first day of school x
Oh, for the love of Jesus! 🤦‍♀️ Of course he won't.

UpsyDaisysarmpit · 17/08/2023 01:34

3luckystars · 15/08/2023 11:42

Fair enough you actually needed him there but if he has to work, he has to work.

Where in the name of God are you if school is starting tomorrow and it’s not even half way through August?

Errr... Scotland?! 😀

Honeychickpea · 17/08/2023 02:02

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 17/08/2023 01:06

@AttackCherubim I agree OP

I would also be upset at this. I am forever organising nursery, childcare, appointments for my pending pregnancy and all he has to do is get up and go to work. I appreciate he works much longer hours than us to give us tje life we have but it would just be nice for once for him to use his own initiative and book this time off. My eldest starts school next September and I think it'd such a high milestone.

Your hubby won't ever remember that he had to work to sort out an issue however he will always remember he missed out on first day of school x

😅

TeenLifeMum · 17/08/2023 03:25

Dh didn’t come to dd’s first day at school because he was at work (didn’t occur to us he needed to book it off for the 3 hours dd was at school). He did take dtds first day off but that was due to logistics as you take your dc to their peg to hang their coat them to their class room and say good bye. The twins were in different classes so I couldn’t do that and felt awful dtds would not get the same attention as all the other dc who didn’t have to share a parent.

TrishM80 · 17/08/2023 03:30

Some amount of fucking drama queens on this thread who think the husband should have booked a day off for the kid's first day in school! 😂

Get a grip!

Xsxjxmx · 17/08/2023 04:46

What do you need help with? Because staff will be there to assist. See they likely to melt down and only DH can deal with that? School drop off will be daily so what will you do the following days after? The school especially a SEN school will be well prepared for a new child struggling with the drop off and teachers will be available. You are being unreasonable imo

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 17/08/2023 04:56

You don’t both need a day off for the first day of school! I’m a teacher and never see both parents coming. If anything that’s a bit dramatic and making it a bigger deal than it is which might make DC more nervous and emotional about it! Surely you can manage?

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:12

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 17/08/2023 01:06

@AttackCherubim I agree OP

I would also be upset at this. I am forever organising nursery, childcare, appointments for my pending pregnancy and all he has to do is get up and go to work. I appreciate he works much longer hours than us to give us tje life we have but it would just be nice for once for him to use his own initiative and book this time off. My eldest starts school next September and I think it'd such a high milestone.

Your hubby won't ever remember that he had to work to sort out an issue however he will always remember he missed out on first day of school x

Nah he won’t always remember, it’s really not important.

Such drama.

BlastedIce · 17/08/2023 06:14

Puffalicious · 17/08/2023 00:41

It's not a performance, it's very much a thing in many parts of Scotland. Are you always this rude when others have different traditions?

For those aghast at school returning today, locally we stopped on June 23rd, so 7 weeks & 2 days holiday- quite enough.

Show quote history

It’s a tradition?

I agree it’s a performance!

Misty84 · 17/08/2023 06:46

Goshdarnitgoofy · 15/08/2023 12:10

I’ll go against the grain and say I agree with you.

Both me and my husband have booked the day off for my sons first day tomorrow. In fact, we have other families coming to wave him off too. Also - don’t kids finish at mid day on the first day? My son does so we are doing a family lunch to celebrate.

Aww I think this sounds lovely @Goshdarnitgoofy and if you can do it then why not?! Very sweet. Ignore the nasties…

Frazzled83 · 17/08/2023 07:25

It didn’t occur to my husband for a second that he’d miss it and although I’d have been fine if he did, I was pleased he got it and wanted to be there to walk with him/wave him off. It’s such a big moment and even more so if this is at the end of a battle for SEN provision. I don’t think ybu at all. There is only one first day at school.

Middleagedmeangirls · 17/08/2023 07:38

YABU. Your DH has more idea of what is required in his workplace (at all levels)than you do.

it's sad he will miss this milestone but there will be many others.

Zanatdy · 17/08/2023 07:41

I personally wouldn’t have missed the first day for anything but my ex was overseas for DD’s first day.

Musicaltheatremum · 17/08/2023 08:00

AffIt · 15/08/2023 12:31

As someone who works in IT, if there is a business-critical system failure that needs remedied, annual leave probably wouldn't have made a difference - I've been called in from AL / over weekends in the past if there's something that needs fixed, especially if it's for a client.

It's not ideal, but I do get paid quite a lot of money to do my job and it's my reality (it also doesn't happen very often, to be fair).

I think it's just unfortunate timing. I appreciate it's disappointing, but as PPs have said, if it's a specialist school, presumably there will be experienced staff there who will be anticipating any issues and will help you out?

If it's the NHS he's working for there has been a business critical problem with an upgrade to one of the systems. It's causing us a major headache in GP land and compromising patient safety. So he may well have had to cancel A/L . We still weren't up and running when I left yesterday at 1pm.

GB81 · 17/08/2023 08:01

I got put on the bus outside home on my first day!
We lived in a very rural village, I remember being taken TO school rattling around in the back of a Toyota Hilux when it snowed 😁