To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

[AttackCherubim]

DS starts school tomorrow.
DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country.
They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly.
DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it.
I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job"

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work.
AIBU to be annoyed?

Well shits really hit the fan and all AL for his team has been cancelled to get the system back upright asap so it's a moot point anyway.

I could deal with AL being cancelled but I was still annoyed that he'd forgotten to book it in the first place after he said he would.

Drama over, nothing to see here.

Well I thought there was plenty to see and I learnt a lot on this thread!

All the very best to your son on his first day at school.

School holidays in Ireland (secondary school) start end of May and they are not back until September.

Gave me the rage every summer growing up lol

I remember being subjected to Richard and Judy when it was school holidays as the decent stuff didn't start till July!

For me this is a big deal and we were both present on our childrens first day of school. It is a milestone and he should have planned ahead. Whilst of course the world won't end he is putting work and himself infront of what us a special day for your child and I can see why you would be aggrieved.

And you think that there will no one to assist at the school?

I hope the first day went well OP :)

Yes there’s staff at school I was thinking about logistics of car if he’s not wanting to get in to go to school and Op can’t lift him safely him in car seat if she’s pregnant and as you can’t park right at a school door usually if she’s parked on a street and he bolts into traffic getting out of car or crossing road and she can’t run fast after him.

@CelestiaNoctis

My DH was in Afghanistan during my pregnancy birth and the first few weeks of her life. Obviously he's missed birthdays, school stuff, hospital appointments. It's all they have known so they aren't bothered. I do feel sad for them and wish I had made different choices though.

Hope it all went well today OP.

This seems very odd to me... as lobg as someone can take your child safely what's the big deal? Better played down anyway as pp have said, possibly especially as he is autistic

I have autistic children and work in a specialist school. I understand the fight, I‘ve been through it!
But the advice here is still valid, if hubby is there on the first day it will be confusing when he isn’t. The school will have plenty of staff on hand to help, and they need to find their own way of settling your child into school. Don’t try and add confusion to the situation by making the first day different to a normal day.

Honestly I don't see why matters if DH misses DDs first day at school My DH was often abroad and I can't remember if he went to the first day for any of my four DC or not. My DC certainly wouldn't have been bothered.

Sorry, I think the OP has a DS not a DD, mistyped.

Hope first day went well.

The school will know exactly how to deal with the situation. The less fuss The better. Both parents feeling tense in case something happens will make something happen.

He probably organised to go into work slightly later. Annual leave isn't really needed here. If your son has ASD, it's possible your DH does too, so maybe doesn't get why it's so important to you or DS. I was going to make suggestions but actually I would suggest not making it into too big a thing so your DS doesn't get overloaded. Starting a new school is socially exhausting so you don't want him using up his social energy before he gets there.

I hope today went well AttackCherubim. I can’t imagine not having my husband at our daughters milestones-such as starting school, and I would be disappointed too if he hadn’t arranged time to be there-not necessarily a whole day annual leave, but jiggling work to take half an hour to be there, which I appreciate not everyone can do.

I don't see why he can't take an hour or two to do drop off and pick up with you and then work the rest of the time? At mine they come out and get him as a team, although he still balks if I don't also walk him in, there are at least 2-4 other people there to stop him from eloping. The first day I did walk him in alone though, but they walked out with us at pick up.

I’m a teacher in a special school. Most kids come in by taxi and parents rarely come in to school. Many first days of school are missed by parents. My eldest child is also autistic. I’m a teacher so have always missed both of them on their first day of school as I’ve already been out to work and had ex DH take them or my mum. Youngest has first day at high school in a few weeks and I’ll be leaving her to get ready and get herself there as I’ll already be out to my school. Eldest autistic child had to do this too when she started high school.

YABU.

Both parents is one thing but we have certain parents at our school who rock up to ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING with at least one set of grandparents in tow. It irrationally annoys the living shite out of me (especially when one family of fucking six took up almost the entire front row at the Christmas carol concert last year 😬).

@AttackCherubim the specialist school your DS is starting will have strategies in place to help parents/pupils in this situation. I know from first hand experience. I hope your DS has a great first day :)

What a fuss over nothing. I don’t think my husband ever took time off to be there for the first day of school. My kids and I all survived.