To wonder if giving any breast milk is that important?

[Tiredstressedmum]

Posting on AIBU for traffic.

I’m a FTM to a gorgeous ten day old.

Prior to delivery, DH and I did a lot of research into feeding. We both read a lot of studies and reached the conclusion that any potential benefits of BFing are likely to be marginal; we couldn’t find any conclusive swings in outcomes for BFing and found a lot of the outcomes were confounded out by factors such as socioeconomic status and parental behaviours. I reached the conclusion that I would try BFing but be quick to switch to formula if it wasn’t working for us, although secretly was confident it would work and I’d have one of those snuggly milky newborns all mumsnetters seem to have .

As it turned out, the birth did not go to plan and BFing was really hard; I don’t think LO ever had a feed (lots of latch issues) and was on top up formula from day 1. Feeding was becoming distressing for both of us and I could feel myself becoming very anxious, low and obsessive about it despite a lot of midwife support. On day four, DH bought formula and we had several days of bliss.

However, despite our previous research I felt (and still feel) wracked with guilt about being selfish and depriving LO of a good start. I decided to try pumping with good effect and have started replacing one or two bottles a day with breast milk. This sounds good in theory but LO is very unsettled after these feeds and ends up constantly crying (screaming) / taking top up breast milk until the next formula feed ‘resets’ her. I’m worried my attempts to assuage my own guilt are actually leaving her hungry and possibly causing digestive issues and discomfort.

I can’t find any information on how much breast milk is beneficial (have seen as low as 50 mL quoted a lot but no idea where this comes from) and whether my feeding regime is actually helping her in any way at all. AIBU to wonder whether giving her these bottles of breast milk is really helpful to her or whether I’m just complicating her feeding to make myself feel better?! It’s so psychologically difficult to be producing good milk for her and not giving it to her. Selfishly, I also fear judgement from other parents and professionals - I wish I could be wonderfully logical and rational like DH, who thinks formula is the best thing ever, but I’m just full of emotions and guilt and it’s stopping me enjoying my darling. Every time she cries (which is a fair bit because she’s a baby!) I end up crying too because I’m worried she’s hungry and I’ve deprived her, and DH ends up taking over.

If you want to formula feed then just formula feed you don’t need anyones permission

this

Thank you for all the replies; I’m grateful for both sides. I’d like to add that DH and I are both scientists by profession and our research was conducted neutrally - I’ve avoided any studies since actually having her! Just settling baby now but will come back properly when she’s soothed. So grateful for the kindness and lack of judgement shown.

I’d like to add that DH and I are both scientists by profession and our research was conducted neutrally

Forget the studies, it seems like you want to find conclusive evidence that bf doesn't matter. who knows? In reality do what is best for you.

Feed your baby however you want, but informed is best.

I think you need to seek some actual feeding advice from a lactation consultant or other infant feeding specialist in your area. Not just a midwife. They vary. Quite often they can’t identity latch issues and rush straight to formula top ups at the detriment of your supply and confidence.

You are making a lot of assumptions. Breast milk in a bottle will not be making her unhappy and causing her digestive issues.

she might be being overfed, their tummies are tiny and babies are this age want to suckle a lot for comfort. She might be cold/want comfort/tired and that’s why she’s upset. It might be an underlying problem.

I think your feelings on the matter at conflicted by BF v FF, and I think it would be best to seek additional help from a neutral source who will help you strategise.

However- if you want to breastfeed- see a proper lactation consultant. The midwives in my area were absolute shite. I wouldn’t be feeding without my consultant. She was £120 for 2.5 hours. Worth every penny.

Chinese takeaway?! 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly OP, you've opened up the age old BF v FF and as you probably know it's likely to bring out all the strange folk.

Just make your own decision and stop worrying.

Do what makes sense for you. If you want to beast feed I would look for a good lactation consultant for advice. But if you decide to move to formula feeding then don't feel bad about it! Good luck x

As scientists I am sure you both know that clinical studies can be open to interpretation.
I used to work in Big Pharma and we used the same studies to prove 2 opposing views. The was also a study I saw that based purely on statistics showed you were much more likely to be murdered on Placebo than on a certain drug 😁

Two 'scientists' have researched a bit and know more than the WHO. OK.

My drive to BF is based on convenience, I’m not convinced the health benefits are as sacred as portrayed.

DC3 is 6M. DH said to me last night would I consider switching to Formula and I told him I am far too lazy to be dealing with bottles and sterilising and I certainly don’t want hassle of bottles during night. He has two quick feeds at night and we both are off asleep again in no time.

From immune point of view I do think that BF is important until they start building up their own immune system. When DC2 brings home things like chickenpox DC3 hasn’t caught any of it.

BF isn’t for every mother but I would definitely be encouraging everyone even those who plan to use formula to get that colostrum into the baby for first feed or two. That stuff is liquid gold for them.

OP you’re full of hormones and honestly the mom guilt is a real thing most of us struggle with but follow your instincts if you want to formula feed then do it. I had a rough start with BF DC3 but because I had successfully BF the other two I knew it was a bump in the road.

Well my advice would be to stop breast feeding. Formula feeding is the right choice for lots of mums, emotional wellbeing being a key factor, and it sounds like it will be the right choice for you. You'll be responsible for your child's diet for years. And a child who is formula fed and then weaned onto fruit and veg, wholegrains, lean protein etc will do far better than one who's bf and weaned onto crisps, chocolate and McDonald's. Infant feeding is such a tiny proportion of the food youll be providing, its not worth stressing over. So relax, formula feed, and know you're doing great!

if you are scientists, then I’m even more surprised that you haven’t sought help from an actual expert. The midwives aren’t.

get a consultant round. If you want to combi feed, they will help you with those goals. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

You feed your baby however you want. I think the thing that matters is a happy, relaxed mother. That will give your baby more benefits in the long run.

However, if you do feel like you'd like to try breastfeeding once more (I understand that pumping etc just feels like a lot of extra work) then I would get a qualified lactation consultant come to your home. Midwives are not IBCLCs. They will properly check the latch and do an assessment for tongue tie. Tongue tie can cause lots of latching and feeding issues like reflux (been there, got the t shirt).

It's a sensitive subject, but since you asked, I do happen think that breast milk has many benefits that formula cannot replicate. Look at antibodies for one thing. Human milk is specifically engineered for human babies. There is a lot to be said for the bonding element of breastfeeding too (and the fact that, once established, it's so easy to whip out a boob whenever, and free!). It's actually one of my favourite parts of motherhood (yes, even counting difficult experiences of bad latches, engorgement, mastitis, tongue tie).

That said, you'll get plenty of people who extol the virtues of formula.

Good luck, and congratulations

Do you and your DH conduct research into the benefits of other bodily functions, or is it just breastfeeding?

When I had my DD I promised myself that I wouldn't do this to myself, I saw my sister nearly destroyed trying to BF.

Don't feel guilty, fed is best. I'd scrap the breast milk and continue with formula. Your mental health matters and you're not failing by giving formula.

Your response is just as awful tbf, and incorrect as well. Breastmilk is tailor made for babies, a perfect food; formula is not. It's literally powdered animal milk just some vitamins in it.

I will never get my head around why people think cow or goat breastmilk is appropriate for a human. Cows make milk for their individual calves. It's then taken from them, inexplicably, because we think it's good for us? Bizarre. Humans don't need milk from animals.

I have EBF and EFF for varying reasons. I have also pumped and combi-fed, after returning to work. Breast milk isn’t upsetting the baby - you have a condition called overthinkeritis. It’s a very common condition and side effect of feeding your child formula when you want to be EBF.

Take a breath.

My breastmilk was “looser” than formula and was causing reflux through a teat. Try delivering it through the slowest Dr. Brown teat you can find. Sorry, I can’t remember how they’re graded now. It’s been a while.

That’s probably all it is. Try not to worry.

Breast milk is golden stuff, but it’s okay if baby only ever gets 2ml. It’s okay if baby gets none. It’s okay if baby gets it non stop. Whatever happens, it’s okay. It’s also okay to stop pumping. It’s fucking exhausting.

Speak to your HV about post natal depression. I had PND with my third and it was closely linked to not being able to BF her. They’ve seen it all before. My HV put her hand on my knee and whispered “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I FF every single one of mine”. I felt like my brain melted at these words. 😂

You’re doing great!

I was just coming on to say to try adding bm to the formula instead. Formula tends to be heavier and takes longer to digest than bm. If she's fine on the formula you can rule out a CMPA or an intolerance. If you've eaten spicy food or have had a lot of caffeine that can unsettle baby a bit.

Mine is mixed fed (have with both kids) if I do a straight bottle of bm my kid goes mental and takes in alot, think baby just prefers it. I tend to mix the expressed with the formula and it works well.

And also don't worry about over feeding. Babies this young can not be overfed. If you feed them too much they will just spit it up. Just follow her feeding cues. Look up paced feeding as well as that help with baby recognising they are full and helps keeps reflux in check. If she's gaining weight is having wet and dirty nappies all is well.

And, before anyone jumps down my throat.the above information has been echoed to me from a lactation consultant, midwives and a gp.

Have a look into pace feeding, their tummies are so small at this stage and it replicates more of a bf feed xx

Breast milk is absorbed/digested much more quickly than formula, they need less, more often..

My baby was breastfed, but had one bottle of formula at 9pm. I pumped during that feed and then mixed the formula/breastmilk for the next days feed!

If she's had some at the point, then she's had some goodness!! I always feel the best breastmilk is the first few days 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't feel guilty about just giving her formula ❤️

I think it makes the most difference to babies, and the difference disappears in adults, we hope.

Immunity
Oxytocin
Anesthetic whilst teething
Reduced risk of all diseases including cancer for both
Feeling safe
Forms gut lining, makes body ready for solids
Reduces SIDS risk, sleep is lighter
Helps us lose weight

It seems more work to deal with a baby with a bloated gut, less resilient to disease, always getting sick, not to mention making the bottles, which I found quite awful, that's a lot more hard work.

If you're finding breastfeeding harder that's a no brainer

If you become an adult who's resilient to disease with a healthy immune system and no gut problems then the difference disappears.

Overall though a baby needs to know they are loved. I think this matters above all else, and this should be your focus, and all decisions flow from that.

Fed is not best, fed is the minimum. Informed is best

Please ignore the pp and don't mix formula with BM

llli.org/breastfeeding-info/mixing-milk/#:~:text=Additionally%2C%20as%20part%20of%20a,feeds%20separately%2C%20instead%20of%20mixing

Sorry I shouldn’t have mentioned any science credentials! Obviously it’s not our area of expertise at all, I just meant we hadn’t desperately cherry picked some studies in the middle of a sleepless night. We also hadn’t reached the conclusion that breast isn’t beneficial, just that on an individual level, formula feeding won’t change our DD’s fortune. We were curious to see where the WHO and NHS actually get their information from (eg the WHO bases a lot of their own advice from a study in Belarus in the 90s..)

Breast milk is definitely better than formula, it’s not possible to argue any differently unfortunately. This is simply a fact. But formula is not poison. I breastfed my first for 6 months and hated it. I breastfed my second for 6 weeks and he was also always unsettled and crying after feeds. I switched to formula and he was content and happy - and so was I! There is no shame in giving formula. It will not harm your baby and will not have any long term damaging effects on them. I feel you feel a lot of guilt about formula feeding and are trying to find any evidence/reassurance that it’s ok - I understand because I was the same! But the bottom line is, breastfeeding is always best, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding either! So do whatever is best for you and your baby. Long term breastfeeding is hell if you’re not enjoying it and will rob you of those happy first months with your baby. Once your baby is sitting up, crawling, talking, walking etc you won’t even think about whether you breastfed or formula fed, even though it feels like the biggest deal at the moment! Having a baby is hard enough without beating yourself up about how you’re feeding them.

If you do want to continue giving expressed breakstmilk it might be with checking you’re giving enough hindmilk? If you’re giving bottles with a lot of fore milk I think that could cause her to be unsettled and unsatisfied?
Regarding the studies - it’s difficult because there are so few good studies, so many confounding factors, and so so many studies are funded directly or indirectly by companies with an interest in selling formula (often not declared) that these muddy the water.
I’m also not aware of good studies showing clearly the benefits for bottle feeding breast milk as opposed to bottle feeding formula, I wouldn’t expect the health benefits of direct breast feeding to necessarily translate over exactly.