MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

[YorkshireLucy]

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

I am genuinely curious what you feel the basis for a full refund would be. The piercing issue only applies to one child and is the customer’s responsibility.

I don’t think that’s what anyone’s saying. It’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it’s a less good reason than the real reason, so why bother to lie?

Can’t quite understand the people who are determined that periods be brought into this!

If the policy is no refunds then why would they get a refund? I booked it without checking that the person wanted to do it is not a good reason for cancelling from the venues point of view.

I wouldn't be wearing regular pants and a t-shirt within a wetsuit. They'd feel bloody awful, particularly a t-shirt bunching up into awkward creases. At the water/ sports park I go to, girls of that age group wear bikinis underneath.

If it was a caring grandma, she'd be looking to solve the problem by offering a trip to the shops for some swimwear, not digging in PE teacher style by demanding to do it in vest t-shirt and pants.

The piercings issue is worthy of respect in its own right.

The daughter should be backed up by her father and not feel forced out of FOG.

At least being 16, she's old enough to abstain from any future visits. She might struggle with this battle, but she'll win the war in the long run.

There are three adults here, that are displaying bad behaviour and questionable decisions/choices. But it's the 16 year who is called names and considered either whiney or not strong enough. Fuck me.

Wrong. Lobes take around 8 weeks to heal. Cartridge piercings take 12 weeks MINIMUM and can flare up VERY easily just from catching them or putting pressure on them.

To be fair it sounds like she planned a nice activity that a lot of teenagers would love but she messed up due to lack of communication by not making sure that 1) they wanted to go 2) they had the appropriate clothing with them.

i would love the activity but wouldn’t want to do it without a bikini/swimsuit on and would be very annoyed if I was out in that position. How hard is it to check with someone before booking.

I think it's sad that some posters think a 16yr old is incapable of handling this herself.

Where did I say she wasn’t??? I think it’s harder in situations like these where you have a parent that is supposed to support you and instead is supporting another adult about something you rightly don’t want to do. Teenagers are constantly told to respect their elders and to do as they’re told especially when it comes to family.

Believe it or not you can buy swimwear in ROI, just tell DH to head for nearest Tesco/Penneys to get some cheap ones. I think you are massively overreacting TBH I'd be delighted if my parents arranged an activity like this for my children

If it's wrong then I'd suggest you.contact the NHS. I'm just going by what they have published I wasn't making it up.

You would be delighted if your children were forced at to do something they didn’t want to do?

It’s not wrong. It says avoid until it’s healed. It’s not healed after 24 hours. Or 2 weeks.

Being in a bath and swimming are very different - including pressure/depth/ buoyancy of what they add which generally slows the flow etc etc.

Google it. Not once whilst swimming has blood dripped out!

There are plenty of precautions that you can take when on a period if you want.

If your daughter is old enough to have piercings, then she's old enough to tell her grandmother she's not going to the watersports.

Well clearly there are scenarios when it's healed after 24 hrs otherwise they wouldn't mention it and the OP hasn't actually specified if they were healed or not. I was just pointing out that the guidance from an official website was not quite exactly what she appeared to have been told and if it was healed maybe not to worry too much. Was intended to be helpful and I did in my original post refer to the fact that if they weren't healed then not to go.

@nevynevster you stopped reading too soon.

Can I go swimming after a piercing?
You should avoid swimming for at least 24 hours after having a piercing, and ideally until it has healed properly. While it's still healing, it's important to keep the piercing dry as there's a risk of infection.
How long will it take to heal?
A new body piercing may be red and tender for a few weeks. The healing time for a body piercing can vary depending on which part of your body is pierced and how well you look after it.
As a general guide, healing times for the most common body piercings can be:
• ear lobe – 6 to 8 weeks
• top of the ear – 6 to 8 weeks

At least 24 h and ideally until healed. Which is 6-8 weeks.

Christ, some posters are dense. There’s clearly more to this. The OP said the MIL bullies the kids and makes them feel like crap. She herself refuses to see her. The H is a limp dick who won’t stand up to his mother…

No child should have to go anywhere ay ANY age.

Bute yeah @YorkshireLucy tell her to say she's on her period.

You're really not overreacting in anyway OP.

A) She booked something without even asking if your daughter wanted to do it. That's just stupid and she'd mad to complain if a kid then doesn't want to do it?! Make it make sense.

B) She has no right to ever say she WILL do this and WILL have fun. How inappropriate. And the sheer audacity to say that when you've booked an activity that she hasn't even checked she wants to do??? Again, make it make sense.

C) She's 16. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. Including see her Gran. Doesn't sound like she enjoys spending time with her.

D) I wouldn't swim in open water 2 weeks after a piercing. This is reason enough. Her Gran isn't going to be the one dealing with an infection if she gets one.

DO NO make excuses. She's not on her period. She's not got the wrong clothes. No excuses.

Her Gran is being completely unreasonable through her own fault.

Your daughter doesn't want to go and doesn't want to risk infection in her ear. So she isn't going. End of.

If Grans pissed off tell her it's her own fault for booking an activity she didn't check the child wanted to do/could do and therefore she's wasted her own money.

She's an arse!

*AT any age!

I do think most teens do need forcing sometimes, especially if it’s an activity you know they enjoy.

There have been numerous threads this summer about teens just wanting to stay in their rooms or not do much and the replies say to force them to go places with you.

MIL should have checked they had their swimsuits but she’s not BU to book a fun day out for everyone.

Exactly this!!! Sounds like such an overreaction all round (and MIL bashing).

I wouldn't be giving her the money either. Not if she booked it without asking your daughter or you.

Total waste and her own fault.

All she had to do was send a bloody text to you/DD and say "Hi X looking forward to seeing you next week! There's a water sports activity on next week, would you like to do it? It could be fun so I'll book it if you want to give it a go?".

Some parents/grandparents act like little dictators and end up shooting themselves in the foot.

@Itsnotrightbutitsok but it didn't stop there did it?
"You will go and you will enjoy it".

That's a pretty fucked up expectation.