MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

[YorkshireLucy]

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

In a wetsuit! FFS.

Your MIL sounds toxic. Imagine booking something like that without checking that the dc want to go! Her fault.

Maybe counseling would help your h to stand up to his toxic mother?

I love the idea of ordering someone to have fun.

'Enjoy yourself or there will be consequences'!!

16 yo me would have been told I didn’t have a choice since grandma had spent so much money and I should be grateful that someone has done that for me.

Standing up for myself against bullies and strangers was one thing, but family, you did as you’re told. Hence the reason, I moved as far as possible as I could for uni and then 4,000 miles away. Parents are better now and they conveniently don’t remember such things.

I would have absolutely loathed it at any age, but I think an awful lot of 16 year old girls would not want to do it by that age. She is not a kid, she's approaching young womanhood. I know a lot of them don't like getting their hair wet by that age. That may or may not be silly, but surely the point of the trip is to have fun, not make it an endurance test? As somebody else said, what if she's on her period, does she have to be embarrassed by announcing the fact to them all?

MIL should have checked before buying the tickets, it's absolutely her mistake and misjudgment.

My mother would've pulled the 'they've spent a lot of money,you're so ungrateful' card but my father would've backed me up if he could see that I really didn't want to do it.

Of course she is. It’s one thing parents giving informed kick up the behinds and what’s described here. Not ok at all.

Swimming two weeks after piercings is not fine if you’ve been advised not to get them wet for a couple of months !! And the money spent is irrelevant - if DD doesn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t be expected to - or worse, forced.

If you had read farther down, the advice is that tragus piercings take 6-8 weeks to heal and that swimming should be avoided until full healing has taken place.

As a nurse, I’ve seen infected piercings countless times, and the best way to treat an infected piercing is to remove the piercing, and use chlorhexidine or similar to treat the infection topically as well as anything that the GP prescribes.

Tragus piercings aren’t the same as earlobes. @YorkshireLucy has said it’s less than two weeks since the ears were pierced, so the advice in the link is still wait for 2 weeks!

Yes. Chafey.
but that wasn’t really the main point which is she doesn’t want to and has an open wound which will probably get infected. FFS.

I’m with you op.

And anyway shouldn’t they have actually been asked if they wanted to go, regardless of the piercing issue.

All these posters saying they’d be delighted etc - they and their kids might be, but not everyone likes that sort of thing.

Thank God someone had the sense to highlight this! Jesus what a ridiculous lie to make up!!!

To be fair nor everyone can frolic in the water mid period regardless of any other inhibitions. Some people feel like shit, bleed heavily, have diarrhoea, cramps, headaches, and simply don’t feel like a water park. The young woman doesn’t want to go though, so she can say “no thank you”.

1. Water sports is not a universally "fun" activity. It sounds like a hellscape to me, and there's no way I would have participated in it when I was a self-conscious, awkward 16 year old.
2. Piercings take far longer than you'd think to heal. The tragus is thick cartilage and it takes months to heal, rather than weeks. Just sleeping on it badly or knocking it with a hairbrush is enough to set the healing back.
3. Stagnant bodies of water like lakes contain bacteria that isn't found when in a chlorinated pool or when soaking in a bath. You shouldn't swim with a new piercing and you definitely shouldn't swim in a lake with one.
4. To the people suggesting wearing a swimming cap over a new tragus piercing: okay, you try it first 😖

My mother used to do that. Decide on something and then ordering us to enjoy it.

No no no. Your DD absolutely cannot get into open water with a piercing done just 2 weeks ago. It will get infected.

If I'd gone swimming when I was on my period it would've looked like the opening scene from JAWS.

This isn't about the piercing
This isn't about periods in wetsuits
Or pants

This is about someone not wanting to do something and being pressured into doing it

Well you would not wear a bikini or swimsuit under a wetsuit. Knickers would get soaked very quickly and probably be uncomfortable. And is she supposed to also wear her bra underneath or go unsupported (depends what size she is whether this would be an issue)

so what's happened OP? Did they go to the waterpark in the end?

I like the idea that grandma wanted to entertain the kids by going to a waterpark (fun activity for some) but really, she should be asking them what they'd like to do first, before forking out £90! At 16, I'd've hated the idea of going to a waterpark!

You're meant use something to keep it out of the water. HTH

We get this on MN all the time. Some people really seem to think that if they themselves like / enjoy something, everyone else should, and they’re genuinely baffled when someone disagrees. “YABVU, I’d be thrilled if my MIL let herself into my house when I was away, cleaned the kitchen, rearranged the cupboards and tidied my knicker drawer!”

I would've needed a nappy.

This is fucking awful!
She is emotionally abusing your children and they are seeing their dad let it happen! You really are setting them up for long term issues and to let themselves be abused in the future, not that let is the right word, more accept/not leave a relationship that becomes abusive as you and her dad have taught them to suck it up and stay and it’s normal.

Making a 16 year old go swimming without appropriate swimwear is cruel.
seriously look at going NC and telling your DH to bring them home. All those other comments are evil too. Please tell your daughters you don’t agree and are doing everything f to protect them. Tell them they don’t have to go back again so they know this will end and you don’t support it

This. As I illustrated further back, I had a reeeeally heavy flood once in the swimming baths changing room. @Confusion101 it is NOT always possible to go swimming when you're on your period .. Many do, but some can't.