DH works 9-5, so everything is my responsibility

[Hipp0campus]

Basically that.
DH works 9-5, so has never done any night wakings, early mornings ect.
His ruling is that he works and I don't, so the childcsre/house/shopping stuff is my responsibility.

Generally fine with this, logically makes sense. But when I ask for help or have been up since 4.30am with disabled DC, it'd be great to have some help.

If i ask him to change a nappy or something else, I get told I'm nagging. But he won't do it off his own back.

We have 3 DC, one disabled.
I feel like a single parent half the time.

YABU - you don't work so crack on

YANBU- 3 DC need both hands on deck.

If he thinks ‘your weekend’ is what you do during the day, then he can do that during his weekend? It’s clearly equivalent in his mind to sweet fuck all?
you really need to get assertive. He is not going to suddenly pull his weight.
Say what you need, and maybe consider a separate bank account etc and getting your ducks in a row. If all he does is contribute financially I doubt you are going to last. That’s no sort of relationship.

and try to look after your friendships. You need people who see and value you. You are not just a mum. You need to take care of yourself, your kids need you to do this too. You are important.

When dh started wfh and I was out working he got a land with home much actually had to be done. To all the people saying sahp should do everything- 7 days a week 24 hours a day? Fair enough during work time, or for anything that can be done during working hours, but not changing a nappy after work?!

She is also working all day, caring for children, and I'd imagine the house is his responsibility too. Or is a man entitled to come home and sit in a chair all night while his wife waits on him and puts the children to bed? The selfish shite won't even change a nappy. SAHM does not equal 24/7 domestic servant.

So, they both work all day, husband at work, wife at home doing domestic stuff.

Why is it fair that the husband gets to clock off evenings and weekends and she doesn't?

Think about what you're saying. You're doing your own sex a complete disservice with comments like that.

How about you get him to book three weeks off work, and you disappear to wherever you like. When you finally return, let's see if your DH still thinks you don't work all the fecking time.

You’re not being unreasonable of course, but is there anything you can do about it? Has he always been this way? I assume he used to be more helpful or you’d have stopped after one kid. What changed?

The 1950s is thataway<<<<<<<<<

When does the OP stop working? When does she have a weekend?

If his work stops at 5 why can't her's?

Oh. Wait.

After working hours it should be shared. Especially the children.

I'm a SAHM, 3 kids, one with quite demanding additional needs. DH works and is generally home about 5. I do all the cleaning as such but once he gets home he gets on with whatever needs doing, be that playing with the kids, washing up, tidying after the kids etc. I would be beyond disgusted with him if he felt that none of those things were his responsibility.

You are in an abusive relationship and have been for years.

How have you continued to have sex with such utter scum?

Please call Womens aid for advice and support.

This is not a good man.

Wtf have I just read.
You can't be serious ?

I've been a sahm for 7 years to two children with no additional needs.
Now working and find my days I work much much easier than when I was a sahm.

I've been a sahm for 7 years to two children with no additional needs.
Now working and find my days I work much much easier than when I was a sahm.

You’re married to a twat. I think you know that on some level and it’s amazing that you’ve let this continue three kids later. Usually this stuff is ironed out after one child. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong but deep down I think you know this is a ridiculous situation and your DH is a shitty person. It’s up to you how long you’d like to stay living in this situation but unless you give him a gigantic kick up the backside or threaten to leave it’s not going to change.

I work 40 hours a week in a very intense job, my DH works 20 hours a week, so he does most of the childcare, we have 2 DC and one is profoundly disabled. My evenings are spent catching up on the days housework, I use my lunch breaks to do bits of top up shopping and life admin, I thoroughly clean at the weekend and make extras of anything I'm cooking for the week. We believe that we are both generally always on duty for the kids in and around our work patterns! That's not too say that we don't negotiate some individual time for us both. It's the only way we survive!

Your husband is just lazy!

Have you just discovers this after 3 children? Was he really good after the first? Second?

I realise that comment isn't helpful but why do people do this? You'd probably be better off in your own. Just stop doing stuff for him.

You work 9-5 as well, looking after the children and doing house work. Anything outside those hours, your husband should share responsibility for.

@SummerDuck I'd rather lose that client than bend over backwards to the point of burnout not little reward.

He's saying loud and clear that you are not his equal / partner and what you do has no or little value. I'm astonished you have three children with this man, that kind of attitude would give me the ick.

That aside, what do you want to do about this? How would you like things to be and how can you get there?

Take no notice of @SummerDuck. They have their own sad little agenda. Seen it before.

I agree that if you are not working most of the domestic stuff will fall to you. He needs some rest and down time but so do you. At the very least you should both get a lie in and a night ought once a week and an all hands on deck approach to the tough times. I would rather have a rough night and go to work than have a rough night then look after a disabled child all day.

If i ask him to change a nappy or something else, I get told I'm nagging. But he won't do it off his own back.

He is a shit father.

He is a shit husband.

He is an inadequate human being.

Perhaps, as is the case for many, many humans, the love, joy and fulfilment of having children is so incomparably important and wonderful that it's not something to give up over short-term practicalities, even difficulties such as exhaustion and relationship problems. You can get through and past housework disagreements, but can't go back in time and have another child later on.

It's the sensible thing to do as not having a child is irrevocable.

Yes