DH banging on ceiling

[anxiousatnight]

I'm a SAHM to children aged 6 and 4. I do the vast majority with the kids. DH works fairly hard in a professional role, but office hours. He doesn't get up until 8 on a weekday and has a lie in until 8:30/9:00 every weekend.

I have done all of the night wakings and can probably count the number of times DH has got up with them in the mornings on my fingers. Kids are early risers.

None of this bothers me, I'm an early bird too and don't mind too much.

However, this morning they've woken up especially early (4:20!) and have been ratty and naughty for the past two hours. It's been a bit noisy downstairs and I've raised my voice a few times.

DH has banged on the floor of the our bedroom (ceiling of sitting room where we are), obviously telling us to keep the noise down.

AIBU to feel really irritated by this? It just feels like he has no sympathy for the fact that I've had to deal with this shit since the early hours and all that's important is his precious sleep. Most mornings are fairly smooth, this one is an exception.

@NewNovember and she needs a decent nights sleep to competently care for her children. The difference is, he gets a decent night sleep every single night.

Respectfully, if ever you wake in the middle of the night (for whatever reason...but by yourself as in not with kids) and struggled to get back to sleep, how helpful would someone saying "just go back to sleep" be? Kids sometimes wake early. As do adults. We shouldn't hold them to unreachable standards. (I'm not having a dig btw).

a petulant man child banging on the ceiling is the height of disrespect, OP.

I've been both FT working mum and SAHM. now, my husband isn't perfect, but he digs in. He also thanks me for taking care of the majority of home and kids so his career is facilitated. I thank him for providing the main income. Respect should be mutual.

Totally unacceptable. You should have one weekend lie in each.

Those early mornings are absolutely brutal. Why should he get all the rest?

Thumping on the floor is absolutely beyond the pale

And she needs a decent night’s sleep to work at looking after the children surely that’s obvious?

Plenty of women go to work on a shit night’s sleep: actually plenty of parents do, though I’d bet it’s mostly women. It starts in maternity leave then just becomes the norm.

OP, would they go or would they have gone back to sleep in your bed? Get a super king and next time they’re up, just bring them into bed. He can’t ignore you all then.

Obviously the kids getting up at 4.20 isn't ideal, but sometimes despite your best efforts that's what happens.

DH banging on the ceiling can fuck right off. I'd be straight up there and telling him in no uncertain terms where he can shove that.

It was knobbish of him to knock on the floor, no question. However I don't function well when I'm woken in the early hours, so can't judge him severely for the knocking. Plus I wouldn't let the kids go downstairs that early and I wouldn't make a racket. That said, I'm a SAHM too. When the kids were babies/really young, we would take turns having a lie in at the weekend.

Does anyone function well at that time? Perhaps OP is superhuman! Not weighed down by manly burdens.

Of course he's fucking rude. How dare he? I'm glad you're thinking about going back to work. Make it VERY clear that he steps the fuck up when you do, so you aren't left doing everything at home and then going to work too. I actually find it incredible that he has been a parent for SIX years and can't cope with a one-off early wake up?! Both dh and I work. We both do nights and early mornings. We take a divide and conquer approach if the kids are playing up or fighting. Most of my colleagues have young kids and none of them have partners at home full time facilitating their sleep and keeping the kids and house in check. Lots of working people are running on little sleep and a fuckton of caffeine (and spend weekends sorting through the house / laundry / shopping together ready for the next week). He needs a reality check and kick up his lazy backside.

Sorry @CeriB82 - you're having a laugh right??? 'He's at work' wtaf. Her working day began at 4.20 when she got up with THEIR children. He has a lie-in every day til 8 am & (his job probably begins around 9 am) again at weekends. Her working day will finish, I assume, when she puts the kids to bed. No doubt she then tidies up/cooks tea/puts washing on etc etc. So pointing out that her DH is working just makes me laugh hysterically. Are you another woman who doesn't believe being a SAHP is a full time, UNPAID job? 🙄🙄🙄

I agree with PPs that the kids shouldn't be downstairs making a noise at that time, but I also think your DH was an utter dick to bang on the floor. It's not like you were enjoying being awake at 4.20am either - his response to the noise downstairs should have been 'Bloody hell, sounds like the kids are being a nightmare if they've got OP up at this time... FFS, I'll get up and see if I can help settle them down a bit'

So if your DH had the day off and you had to be up for work in a couple of hours, you would be ok with getting up at 4:20am so he could go back to bed?
Even though he was at home all day and you had a full day at work?

What’s this got to do with her husband banging on the floor instead of getting up and talking to his wife like a well-socialised human being?

@Vault687 did you notice that OP says this is a rare occasion and they normally go back to bed if get up early. She was trying to keep them quiet so her wonderful DH can get the 8 hours sleep he needs as he has an 'important' job and can't be disturbed

I work 10 hours a week dh works full time with a hour each way commute. Mon-Fri it's on me dh just helps with bed time. Weekends is 50/50. We each get a lie in and share child care/housework

He sounds more like Ena Sharples than the children's father.

You'll have to tell him this is stupid behaviour.

But he will say that getting them up so early is a bad idea.

Good lord.

The mental gymnastics some are willing to perform to minimise shitty male behaviour.

@Vault687

you only have yourself to blame.

Ahhhh don't tell me, your two slept right through the night from week one, were a breeze to potty train, ate all their vegetables always and all the other mothers just need to get a grip.

That’s not the scenario? No one is going back to bed? OP doesn’t have the day off, she’s taking care of two kids all day. If my two DC were up at 4.20 I’d expect my DP to help settle one while I settled the other; he’d expect the same of me. Regardless of which one of us has a work day ahead and who has a day taking care of them. We’re both parents and we both do night duty. I’m on maternity leave right now and DP still alternates with me for the baby monitor.

If it became clear neither of the ratbags was going back to sleep we’d park them in front of CBeebies and have a muffled argument in the hallway, or play rock paper scissors, to decide who went back to bed now til 5.30 and who got to go back to bed at 5.30 to 6.30 or whatever. I think I’d prefer dozing on the sofa with Peppa Pig then sleeping later, but it’s a “most fragrant goat” competition really. Then at normal getting up time, which is 6.30 in our house, we’d passive aggressively make more coffee than usual while cursing our life choices and trying to subdue our now horribly sleep-deprived children and going “yes, have three bowls of coco pops, just let me gaze into the abyss in silence”. Like normal people.

You are so delusional!
If the children were playing up at the crack of dawn, how on earth do you think the OP could take a nap or she could put a 4yr old and a 6yr old down for a nap or quiet time?! What if they're still tearing chunks out of each other?
Oh and OP could go for a nap when her H gets home from work??? I'll hazard a guess that she's cooking dinner/clearing up/bath time/bedtime when her selfish husband gets in!!!! He doesn't ever step up so she can ever have a lie in, so I'd guess he doesn't do an awful lot when he gets home either!!!

Lol at putting a 4 and 6 year old ‘down for a nap’ like they’re babies. 😂 Do these people have children or have they even met any children ever.

He should have sensed you were struggling and helped you properly but I think banging on the ceiling wasn’t having a dig at you.

I would have taken that as they were being noisy and he did that so you can be like “see how noisy you are being, even your dad can hear you from upstairs!”.

I think he may have done it to try and help but in a very lazy way.

What have I just read? 🤪🤪🤪🤪

Why would both parents get up?
That would be completely unnecessary.

You don’t need both parents to settle 2 kids every time they wake up.

I would be very annoyed if DH had the day off and then woke me up to settle the kids when I was working that day.

Presumably you put them in their bedroom(s) with stair gates on and stick in some earplugs, otherwise you’re just a martyr

Dh is being a dick but at those ages I'd be telling them it's the middle of the night (it is imo) and trying to get them back to sleep