Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this down about early getups

316 replies

Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 16:46

So we have a nearly 3 yo and newborn. Nearly 3yo wakes at 5 or half four every single day. Thought this might have got better when he dropped his nap but it hasn’t.

Nothing seems to make any difference, and I don’t really understand it as he’s tired but can’t get him back to sleep. It’s always been tough but now with a newborn the level of sleep deprivation is horrendous.

If you had an early waker, when did it improve? I don’t want him to stay in bed until 9 or anything but 6/half 6 would be fine.

OP posts:
Userhay · 12/08/2023 20:16

Ok. I give up. I also had a newborn with an almost 3 year old.

They change SO fast at this age. I will just say again that lots of the suggestions you’ve had are worth retrying if you haven’t tried them for a few months.

It reads as though you almost don’t want anyone to offer help.

You don’t like anything I’ve said, but one other thing I did in the summer with some NCT friends was to meet at 6am on warm dry days for an early walk and coffee. Still up early but up with company.

itsgettingweird · 12/08/2023 20:16

Did it get better.

In my case no!!!

My ds who often woke at 4am now gets up daily at 4am (me too as I have to take him) because he's a swimmer.

I expect mine is an extreme example though Grin

Beelezebub · 12/08/2023 20:19

I can help answer ‘does it end and if so, when?’

My kids: both woke repeatedly through the night, both early (soooo hideously early) risers. Years and years of around 4am.

The eldest is now firmly in teenager territory. Once puberty was established, the early waking stopped and moved to something far more acceptable, although not stereotypical teenager waking time. The other one isn't a teen but is years older than your eldest and still wakes at stupid o’clock. Roll on teenage years for that one!

My experience of kids’ sleep is not typical. Not based on what I read on forums or from experience of other people’s kids. But it looks like there is an end somewhere - either because they’re old enough to sort themselves out for a couple of hours or because they start to sleep later.

Userhay · 12/08/2023 20:19

And I would agree that books/toys/tv/audiobooks not holding interest for longer than 10 minutes is unusual at almost 3. At 3.5 my oldest started to read (at preschool - nothing to do with me). Worth a developmental check up.

LarryandLeon · 12/08/2023 20:19

Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 20:03

@LarryandLeon i honestly think it’s as simple as some things work for some children. We’re definitely going through a challenging phase with ds1!

Very true, I think it’s hard for those with DC where those techniques work to understand that it doesn’t work for all children. Also my DD is not compliant & a lot of these suggestions assume that you have a compliant child that will go along with things- mine won’t!

Cakeandcookies · 12/08/2023 20:19

It sounds like he is overtired. Mine was awful so we dropped the nap and it backfired even more so I feel your pain. He is now 3.5 and he naps for half an hour most days and an hour at weekends. The Gro Clock took about 3/4 weeks of consistent use. All children have different sleep needs I know but I wonder if you schedule a 45 min power nap 6 hours after waking and the bedtime 6.5 hours after waking what would happen. Anything is worth a shot!

WolfFoxHare · 12/08/2023 20:22

Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 17:11

Gro clocks don’t work but thanks … I’m fairly resigned to it but I do need to know roughly when the end is in sight. Thanks (but SEVEN 😭)

DS was like this - Gro Clocks also didn’t work as he just ignored it. We kept putting him back in bed but he’d just wail which meant neither of us got any sleep - at least if we took turns getting up with him, we got a ‘lie in’ every other day. It started to improve when he went to school, though in fact in summer he’s still an early riser but he doesn’t disturb us any more at least!

OsirisservesAnubis · 12/08/2023 20:26

Mine was an early riser (4.30/5). The gto clock was useless - he'd stay in his room but he'd make noise which woke us anyway. In the end we used a tablet and headphones. Kept him quiet and allowed us to go back to sleep.

At 5, he could be trusted to go downstairs alone and get himself breakfast and play quietly/ watch TV.

He's now almost 8 and still up at the stupid o'clocks, but he doesn't bother us at least anymore!

thehonscupboard · 12/08/2023 20:28

Two year old and newborn here so solidarity. Our two year old is naturally an early waker. DC1 is in a floor bed and usually comes to our room when awake. We had a beautiful (apart from being woken up by newborn all night) phase when instead DC1 would go to lounge and 'discover' new toy that we had put out the night before. That gained us a little bit more time in bed. Not a new new toy, just one that hadn't been played with in a while. We also have got DC1s favourite books as audiobook and can sometimes persuade to get into bed with us and listen. We basically refuse to get out of bed and are very dull before 7am. DC1 is welcome in bed with us or one of us will get in their bed. Will read books to them if they bring us them in bed.

Sidking · 12/08/2023 20:29

I haven't read the full thread yet, but just wanted to say there's nothing wrong with a late bedtime if that's what works for your child. I have 1 definitely ADHD and one probably (too young to tell really), both have usual bedtimes of 10pm onwards on non school nights, 9ish on school nights. It's not unhealthy, they get a good 10 hours and have plenty of energy! I thought I'd put my 3.5yo to bed at 8pm last night after he fell asleep in the car, he woke up at 2am when I got into bed and didn't go back off properly at all, early nights don't work for him.

I also co-sleep with the youngest, have you tried actually sleeping next to him all night? Not ideal but I find if mine starts wiggling in the early hours he will go back off without fully waking with some snuggles. Much easier than getting them back off when they've already woken up enough to get up and walk into your room

mainbrochus · 12/08/2023 20:31

in the end only changing to their time zone helped. School didn’t help. They were always up at 4/5am. Bed when they do

Datgal · 12/08/2023 20:46

Unfortunately, you just get little bastards who make your life a misery right from the get go. Good luck!

Original poster
Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 20:53

I’ve no idea if he has additional needs or not, but an audio book without accompanying pictures would be unlikely to hold his attention or have him follow it. He does like a few Julia Donaldson books like the gruffalo but that’s with pictures.

As for the Gro clock there is a (big!) difference between being able to follow an instruction as in - they could - and doing it - as in - they won’t!

And thank you to those who do get it.

OP posts:
Clymene · 12/08/2023 21:00

Cosleeping isn't a bad idea. Assuming you're waking with the baby, would your husband give that a go? Might help, especially if he's feeling a bit out out by the new baby

Luhou · 12/08/2023 21:08

Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 20:53

I’ve no idea if he has additional needs or not, but an audio book without accompanying pictures would be unlikely to hold his attention or have him follow it. He does like a few Julia Donaldson books like the gruffalo but that’s with pictures.

As for the Gro clock there is a (big!) difference between being able to follow an instruction as in - they could - and doing it - as in - they won’t!

And thank you to those who do get it.

These are the stories that my DD listens to on her yoto player. Gruffalo, Zog etc. She can look at the books while the audio book is playing.

We use this at bedtime, so she is kind of conditioned to relax and go to sleep to them. Often I put it on and she'll go back to sleep.

Jamtartforme · 12/08/2023 21:14

Itsthemornings · 12/08/2023 17:46

I wish people would just accept that the options are

  1. ignore him. He screams and eventually someone rescues him so he’s still learned screaming gets him what he wants.
  2. put him to bed in the garage
  3. just try to cope as best we can.

Well you’ve not much choice then do you, obviously option 2.

yes I am joking. 3.

Jamtartforme · 12/08/2023 21:17

MrsMarzetti · 12/08/2023 18:21

In less than a decade you will be struggling to get him out of bed. Hang on in there.

For nearly a decade? I just don’t understand the ‘awww it will pass’ responses when somebody isn’t getting any sleep. It isn’t a redeemable deficit, they need it here and now. Telling them they’ll sleep in 7/8 years is cruel and useless.

User17865 · 12/08/2023 21:21

dancemom · 12/08/2023 17:21

If he's still tired on waking then the Wake to Sleep method

This worked with my youngest but I’m afraid nothing worked with my eldest. He still wakes very early but old enough not to wake me anymore.

Pontiouspilate · 12/08/2023 21:27

He sounds ND if he can’t watch tv, follow a gro clock instruction or listen to an audiobook by 3. Does he go to nursery?

he’s also not getting nearly enough sleep for his age

User17865 · 12/08/2023 21:35

There are sleep charities that offer help and run courses. Don’t give up hope OP.

User17865 · 12/08/2023 21:36

Maybe ask your health visitor team.

Jamtartforme · 12/08/2023 21:38

Clymene · 12/08/2023 20:12

I only suggested it as you said he won't understand audiobooks. Not being able to understand a story at nearly 3 is unusual, as is not having any interest in tv.

I agree with this.

My DD is (I would say adoringly) a very average child in terms of her capabilities although like any other child she has strengths and weaknesses. At 3 she would’ve been able to understand somebody telling a story, or the concept of the gro clock (even if she then chose to ignore it).

Are you sure there isn’t a comprehension issue at play here? Alongside needing very little sleep and the escape artist tendencies, it sounds like there’s a bigger picture that needs piecing together.

I won’t make suggestions as you’re not looking for them, but maybe sleep is a symptom of something else. I hope you get some rest soon. You must be beyond exhausted ☕️

CopperSeahorses · 12/08/2023 21:41

No advice from me but solidarity. Mine is 3, no amount of gro clocks, blackout blinds, bribery, CBeeBies are going to work here because he's blind (his circadian cycle is shot because he doesn't get the cues that a sighted person does , he has dystonia (which means his muscles spasm and cramp involuntarily) and he 'fails' every single developmental milestone going so no amount of reasoning is ever going to work. His wake up time can be anywhere between 1am and 5am and I am knackered. If anyone has anything that might work I'd love to hear it (we've trialled melatonin without success, the problem isn't going to sleep, it's staying asleep).

Mammyloveswine · 12/08/2023 21:43

Took it in turns to get up!

Swipe left for the next trending thread